37. Talking to others about their diet. How to suggest intuitive eating to them.

Once we are learning more about intuitive eating and health at every size we start to see the benefits, and it becomes obvious just how bad dieting can be for us. What do you do if you have someone around you who is still deep in diet culture? How do you talk to them and help them to see that intuitive eating can help them too? In this episode I give you some tips on how to have that conversation.




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Please note, this podcast is intended to be general information for entertainment purposes only. Any figures quoted are correct at the time of recording. As always, please seek the support of a registered professional before making changes to your diet or lifestyle⁠, or if you feel that you are affected by any of the topics discussed.

Related Topics:

Intuitive Eating, HAES, Health At Every Size, Body Positivity, Body Confidence, Body Positive, Anti Diet, Non Diet, Diet Culture, Food Freedom, Fat Acceptance, Fat Liberation, Self Care, Weight Loss, Eating Disorder, Eating Disorder Recovery, Disordered Eating, Nutritional Therapy, Slimming World, Weight Watchers, Cambridge Diet, Cambridge Plan, 121 Diet, Lighter Life, Noom, Coaching, Healing, Health, Wellness, Calorie Counting, Macros

Transcript

0:09

Welcome to Intuitive Eating and Body Positivity Podcast podcast. I'm Terri and I'll be talking about all things Intuitive Eating and health at every size, and shaking off weight stigma, that we can all have a better relationship with food Good morning. Well, it's morning here, is it morning there? Maybe it's the evening. Maybe it's the afternoon. How are you? How's your week been? My week has been odd. We've had COVID hit our household, so that's a bit annoying. Luckily, everybody's fine. It just meant that somebody was kind of cooped up in their It's a long time to be isolating, isn't it, five or six days? Everybody's fine, though, so that's all good. But it just means that the household behaves Somebody can't leave their room. Everybody else has to be very careful about how they're feeling and whether they are So lots of testing, lots of making sure that we're safe to be with other people, and So it's a strange old time, isn't it? It's a strange old time. Luckily, everybody's fine, though. Everybody's well, and we've been very lucky. So I hope you are keeping well. I know we don't talk about covid on this podcast. It's not something that really I want to dwell on too much, okay and I hope that your situations are as Just take care of yourself. So that has meant this week the normal stuff couldn't happen. So I haven't been to play pool. I would usually do that in the week. Haven't socialized at all. I haven't really been anywhere or done anything. Did my assignment. Boring, boring, boring. Actually, my assignments are not boring. I really enjoy doing the work and the learning. I just don't like it when assignment time comes round because I'm one of those people that ends and then the pressure is on and it's pressure writing, It works for me to do it that way, but it means that it's a good I don't get to do any fun stuff while I'm doing that, But there we go. There we go. It's good, though, because it means that I am educated. It means that I have good knowledge that I can pass on to you guys. I don't feel it would be right for me to be advising you on nutrition and things like that if I wasn't So this is definitely good. And hopefully you guys will trust me more and trust the information I'm giving you, knowing that I've got a good, solid, high level Anyway, didn't come here to talk about me, did we? We came to help you. You might remember last week I had mentioned that I had a question off somebody, and that's what I So the question was how do you talk to other people A few episodes ago, we talked about how you can talk to people about your eating disorder, your issues around food, and for you to reach out and ask But what if your concerns are not with yourself? What if you are doing the work to be an intuitive eater? You are making good progress in repairing your relationship with food, feeling better in your own skin, but people around you They are still going to slimming clubs. They are still calorie counting. They are still watching what they're eating. They're still verbalizing these messages of, oh, I can't eat that because, I mustn't do that because, and I What if that's surrounding you? And there's an aspect of this that is about how it projects But there's also a worry, isn't there, for the people around us? When you are more of an intuitive eater, you understand You understand that it's a better, more peaceful way And then we start to pick up on the things around us. We start to see diet culture and beauty standards around us, and you start to see that in other people, and you start And that's understandable. You see the benefits it's having for you, and you want You want other people to be happy and healthy and not having this perpetual struggle So how do we talk to people around us about these things? In some respects, this is slightly harder than yourself, because when you talk to people about yourself, You've chosen to have that conversation. You've chosen the time and the place, and you've chosen You've chosen how much you're going to divulge. When you're talking to somebody else about their wellbeing, they are not necessarily They are not going to expect the conversation. They're not choosing to have that conversation with you when So in some respects, this is a bit more of a sensitive area, and you really have When we are big advocates for intuitive eating, we can get right up on our I know I can. I know that if somebody asks me a question about it, I could talk forever about it because I believe so And I believe that it's a healthier way to live and a better So when people ask me about it, I can just go on and on and on and I need to rein myself in and I Now you can't just approach somebody with this You can't just sit them down and lay it out in front of them and say, this is going This is everything that is wrong with the way you are eating, and here I have the solution, because that's just going to be That's not the way to do this. We're going to go at this with compassion and care and respect. The way to think of it is if you were in that place where you were dieting and exercising and maybe having some success around weight loss, I say success in quotes, if you were in that place and you would you be open to having somebody tell you I think if we're honest, probably not. I know that when I was going to Slimming World, I thought it I used to tell people about it. I used to really attribute all this success to Slimming World and it was the right way to be and it was going to change my life and it was going to be a lifestyle And of course it's not. And of course my eating habits and my exercise habits But if somebody had tried to tell me otherwise, then I don't think that would have So also expect to not be welcomed with open arms on this new way of living, this new way of eating and seeing yourself, because things that you talk about and you mentioned and it just You just need to have sown the seed. You might not get this immediate impact that you're expecting. So just be aware of that before you start talking to them. Be clear about why you want to talk to them. It will help you guide the conversation. It will help them to understand. It will give you some clear ideas of the way that you So some ideas might be that it's for your own good. You've made strides into intuitive eating. You feel better about your food, you feel better about your body, but these messages around And with every couple of steps you take forward, there's one step back because somebody around you So that might be useful to get across while you're having a conversation with somebody so to change their way of eating, it might be that they can from and it might make them more mindful of the way they're behaving And this isn't to try and change somebody's behavior. You're not trying to manipulate them to do something But you can ask them to be respectful of the fact that you are not dieting and that dieting chat dieting behaviors that doesn't I feel like this might be a good entry comment. This might be a good way to start the conversation with somebody you're bombarding them with this I need to talk to you You can approach it more with a I'd like to share with you how I have made some changes in my eating and my behavior around food, it's having a little bit of an impact on me, of that just that you can be mindful of how I feel when you're That might be a really nice way in. It makes it sound like you would like to talk to them about you. It's not daunting. It's not scary, it's not shocking. It's just can we talk about something that's bothering me? Then you can explain to them about intuitive eating. You can give them an overview of what it's about. Maybe talk about some of the principles of intuitive eating. You can explain to them what that means for how you approach food, how you decide what you like to eat, and what you don't You can tell them about how it affects your relationship with exercise, for example, if that's something that you've You can explain to them about the food police and how those thoughts in your head are just And while you're explaining to them about intuitive eating and about maybe those seeds will be sown and they will think, I hear those words about food in my head. I behave like that. This is not about guilt tripping them. It's not about making them feel bad for having those thoughts, It's about helping them to see what's happening in and around them and that they can question whether that's something they want So you can explain to them about intuitive eating and you can tell You can explain what you've gained from having these new approaches to food, and you can be Because although the aim of the conversation is to talk to them about their behavior, you want to sound so You don't want to sound like intuitive eating is a struggle. Because if you're in a struggle, why would they change No, you're trying to explain to them how good intuitive eating is and how much of a struggle their diet is because So don't be afraid to be enthusiastic about After you've explained about intuitive eating and after you've and health at every size you can then say but you need You're not asking them to do anything specific other than to be mindful of their actions and their language Let's go back to Slimming World. No, let's not go back to Slimming World but let's go back If that person is on Slimming World there might be lots of chatter around the number of syns they've got left and how much free food and how much they've got left, and whether they can have more That sort of chat. You can mention these things to them. Explain that actually when they're commenting about these things It's putting you at risk of being back in a diet mindset and you're If they can start to change the way that they talk about food and how much food they're eating and what they are then maybe they will start to reconsider what they're Does that make sense? Maybe you could start to introduce intuitive eating into their We're going to sneak it on in there. So maybe they're asking themselves out loud what they can have to eat because they've only got X, Maybe at that point you could say, what do you really Do you see what I mean? It's a simple question. It doesn't mean anything. It's not leading. But it is an intuitive eating question. What do they want to eat right now that is more important than what their allowance says You can start to introduce questions around intuitive eating If they're talking diet culture, if they are talking about their plan that they're on, You can start to question it without being Nobody wants grilling every time they mention food. But you can start to drip feed these little things in, give them So once you've introduced them to the concept of intuitive eating is, because it's awesome, you can then raise You can raise concern for their well being. Before you do, though, ask their permission. You can say to them, I am a bit concerned about I'm a bit concerned about your health. I'm a bit concerned about your relationship with food. Whatever that phrasing looks like for you to say naturally without sounding like you've picked it Whatever words that comes out of your mouth in I've noticed something. Would it be okay if I just taught you about it? It really hurts me to see you struggling. Can I talk to you about that? It upsets me to see you so stressed and anxious every meal. Can I please just talk to you about that for a minute? I think realistically, they're not going to go, nope, no, thank you. They might just say, really? Why are you worried? If they don't even know that there's an issue, if they don't see the unhealthy behaviors for themselves, They might say, oh, really? Okay. And then the door is open for you. They might be glad to have somebody to share the conversation with. Maybe they're sick to death of dieting. Maybe they are sick of having a really bad relationship with food and they would appreciate I know when I was in the depths of despair, I had to take Nobody said anything to me. I nearly said nobody noticed. That's probably not the case, but nobody said anything to me. If somebody had said something to me, I think for me it would have opened Just sat here saying that now I can imagine it happening. I can feel the relief of actually talking to somebody. Sometimes somebody just needs that conversation starting. So I think it's a good one to approach if you feel like you have a good If they say no, you have to respect it though. Don't labour the point. Don't push for it. It's not going to lead to a positive outcome. So if you hear the word no, if they say no, no means no, folks. And don't be sneaky. Don't be trying to slide it on in there anyway. If they don't want to talk about it, you have to respect Also, when you are talking to them, if you have the permission to talk to them, talk to them in a way If you're close enough to talk to somebody about their you are close enough to know what kind of approach they So if they're a very sensitive, gentle person, you can't go in with a, Whereas some people like straight talking, some people appreciate a, mate I just want to talk to you Maybe not that sternly. That sounded stern when it came out my mouth, didn't it? But you know what I mean. It's different approaches for different people. Also know what their values are in life. If somebody, for example, is really interested in studies got a scientific head on them, then the approach you can take, You might be able to talk to them about studies that back And you can come at it with a did you know this because actually Whereas if they do not have any interest in anything like that, to the feelings and the emotional side of it, then you can You can play to their, oh, how would it feel to not be Know this person's character, know this person's approach to life and use that to be a way It can be a really nice mix of the two as well. So if you talk to somebody about how they feel about food and their thoughts around food and they say, but I'm just so worried I'm just so worried about the unhealthy side of being in a bigger body, then you can say, well, did you know that's And then you can lead into some more not necessarily But you can then start to say, well, actually, did you know that some studies have Or you can start to introduce facts and backgrounds and work that good people in the intuitive eating You can start to introduce some of those things. You can share a podcast or two. Just saying. But you can introduce them to podcasts. There are many podcasts out there on intuitive eating. There are some really well informed people in the industry that give And a podcast is a very personal thing. There are some that are very research based. There are some that are quite chatty like mine. So it will be each to their own as to what they like, but you can introduce some resources and say, Have a look at this podcast. Have a look at this blog. Let me lend you a book. And then they can take of it what they will. They can get into it gently, if that's what they like. Or they can jump in with both feet forward. Don't be surprised if people don't immediately go, I must drop the That might not happen. They might just be interested. They might just need a nod towards some resources where they can go to it in their own time, They might also be a little bit embarrassed. So go kindly. Go with compassion. Talk to them nicely. Be mindful of their feelings because what you don't want out of this is for them to I know that's not your intention. I know in asking the question, it's about the concern of other people and it's about the relationship with food and stuff, but people's So just be aware of that and approach it with some real care. Finally, really don't labour the point. Know when enough is enough. If they're asking questions and they're interested and they're having open intuitive eating or about their situation, or about how it's helped goes, if it's naturally flowing and it's open and it's Carry on. Just keep going as much as you both want to. But if they are a bit of a closed book, if they don't want to talk one word answers, if it's clear that now is not Know when to let it go. You can't help everybody. That's the sad reality. Maybe just raising it will let them know that you're there And you can say that. You can say if you don't want to talk about it, it's absolutely fine, when you're ready to chat, I'm always here, It's definitely a difficult one. You can't preempt how it's going to go. You can't preempt whether it's going to be well received. You don't know what that person is going to respond well to. It's really stepping into the unknown, isn't it? It really is. But I hope that helps. I hope to the person who asked that question, I really hope I don't feel like it's easy in this case to give you a definite This is what you should say. This is the way the conversation will go. Because in the nature of humans, you can't predict that. You don't know where it's going to go. You don't know how well it's going to be received. So I hope that's helped. I hope it's given you some ideas and some thoughts about how you can that you'd like to talk to about intuitive eating and about Good luck. I hope it goes really well for you. Blinkin' heck. We're at 26 minutes already. How has that happened? Where's the time gone today? These episodes fly by. I don't know about you. I don't know. You might be stuck there thinking, no, Terri, this has been the But it flies by for me. I really enjoy doing these podcasts. I've had some lovely, lovely messages this week again. I've had some really nice compliments. I've had some messages saying how helpful some of the episodes have been for people and how And it makes me so proud. And it makes me so grateful for the messages. It makes me really grateful that you listen and that you think I'm so pleased and I'm so glad to hear from you. So all those people that are making positive changes. Yes, I'm right here cheering you on. It's amazing. Can I please ask a favor? If you are a listener that has been listening for a while, you've listened to a few episodes the podcast is about, would you please give me a rating I shall tell you for why. I go on to Apple Podcast the other day and there were a couple There were a couple of reviews. There was a couple of five star reviews and there was That made me a little bit sad. It made me a little bit sad because that person, and giving me some constructive feedback and telling me what they just put a one star review. Now I can't really tailor things to suit you if I don't So firstly, I'd really like you to pop over and give me a review. A five star review would be awesome because if you are listening and you like it and you get value from it, it would be really nice if You don't have to write a lengthy essay, but a five star review, maybe a couple of words if you Because when people are then looking for podcasts to listen to, will help them to know that it's a good source of information, That it's a nice chat with somebody on a weekend, that sort of thing. It would be really helpful for there to be a rating that showed that actually On Apple you can write a review I think. I know you can write a review. On Spotify you can't write a review. It's just a star rating. So I would really appreciate it if you could show your love for the podcast and pop over On Apple if that's where you listen to. If you listen on Spotify give me a rating there. That would be great. But going back to that one star review, if you don't feel like you can give a five star review or please can you just drop me a message? I really need to know where the podcast is lacking so This is a resource for you guys at the end of the day. I just enjoy doing it, but if there is something lacking if there is something wrong, if there is something that you then please let me know and give me the chance to fix that before And for those of you who love the podcast, give that rating because then that one star rating just fritters That sounded like a little bit of a beg, didn't it? But I would really appreciate it. I really would. I'd like people to know that they can come here and enjoy If you're not already also come and join the Facebook group. Give me a follow on Instagram. Come join me and be social. Chat to me through the week while you're waiting for the Have a lovely, lovely, lovely week. Take care of yourself and I'll speak to you next time.