Intuitive Eating & Body Confidence with Terri Pugh

43. Stop comparing yourself to others

April 05, 2022 Terri Pugh Episode 43
Intuitive Eating & Body Confidence with Terri Pugh
43. Stop comparing yourself to others
Intuitive Eating & Body Positivity
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Show Notes Transcript

How can I stop comparing my body to others? I get this question so often. We are often so consumed with what we look like compared with other people, that we stop appreciating how wonderful we are. In this episode, I give you some tips to help you to stop comparing yourself to other people.


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Please note, this podcast is intended to be general information for entertainment purposes only. Any figures quoted are correct at the time of recording. As always, please seek the support of a registered professional before making changes to your diet or lifestyle⁠, or if you feel that you are affected by any of the topics discussed.

 

Related Topics:

Intuitive Eating, HAES, Health At Every Size, Body Positivity, Body Confidence, Body Positive, Anti Diet, Non Diet, Diet Culture, Food Freedom, Fat Acceptance, Fat Liberation, Self Care, Weight Loss, Eating Disorder, Eating Disorder Recovery, Disordered Eating, Nutritional Therapy, Slimming World, Weight Watchers, Cambridge Diet, Cambridge Plan, 121 Diet, Lighter Life, Noom, Coaching, Healing, Health, Wellness, Calorie Counting, Macros

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A quick heads up - my transcriptions are automatically generated. I do not type them manually. For this reason there may be errors, incorrect words, bad spelling, bad grammar, and other things that just seem a little 'off'. You'll still be able to understand what is being said though, so please just ignore that and enjoy the episode.

Welcome to the intuitive eating and body positivity Podcast. I'm Terri, and I'll be talking about all things intuitive eating, body positivity, and Health at Every Size, and shaking off weight stigma, diet culture and food rules, so that we can all have a better relationship with food and our bodies.

 

Hello, how are you? I have had a little break again, sorry. It's all been going on here. It's been manic. So you might be able to hear in my voice that I am still recovering. I've had this horrible chest infection and it's made me all groggy, and for a little while I couldn't really talk very well so instead of choking my way through a podcast episode, I thought I would just give it a miss. No one needs to hear that in their life. So if my voice doesn't sound quite right, today, I apologise. Yeah, still struggling with it a little bit, still struggling. 

 

I was talking to somebody earlier and saying that, I think part of the problem is that we've all been tucked away for so long, haven't we, with COVID that now our immune systems are a little bit weaker than they used to be. On all the bugs we used to be exposed to we're now being exposed to again, and it's wreaking havoc with people. So many people that I know were unwell or have been unwell lately. That's just my theory. That's not something that I've read about. I just think it makes sense. So that's my theory. And that's what I'm sticking with. 

 

What else is happening? Cat tales? Do you want some more cat tails? I think when I last spoke to you, she had broken her poor little toes. She had to have an operation. Can't remember if I told you that or not. I can't remember if she'd actually had the operation when I last talked to you or not, but anyway, she's had the operation. 

 

She's got this little cast on her paw. Actually, it's not such a little cast. It's a big cast. It's it goes right up to her knee bless her. I shouldn't laugh I do feel so bad for her. Bless her heart. She's got this big cast on her leg. She's all strapped up. She's not very happy because we are having to confine her. So we've got her confined to a pen when it's evening, and we're in bed, and the rest of the day she can roam around the room that we're in. But that is it. So for a cat that likes being outdoors, and a cat that likes having free roam of the house, this is not impressing her very much. 

 

So we've got one very grumpy cat on our hands. Now add to the grumpy cat the fact that she has to have painkillers several times a day. Imagine, imagine how scratched and scraped I am at the moment. We've got it off to a fine art though. We've got this medication giving off to a fine art. We've got it nailed. There are blankets involved. There are me and somebody else involved. But we've got it. That girl is having a medication if it kills one of us, and it may well kill one of us in the end. She's doing okay though. She's doing okay, we're back to the vets later for her to have her bandage changed and stuff, so we'll see how well the vet copes with her. She's so miserable. She's such a mardi cat blesser. 

 

I think that's all I've got to tell you about. Not much goes on when you're confined to a house, you see. And given that I've not been anywhere or seen anybody or done anything, I have nothing else to tell you about. So hope your life has been more exciting than mine has been. Now, let's have a chat about comparing our bodies to others.

 

It's a question that I get all the time, how can I stop comparing myself to others? I know that I should appreciate myself for who I am, but I can't stop comparing myself to others. How do I do it? 

 

You know, it's very natural. It's one of those things. It's part of human nature. We do compare ourselves to other people. The problem is that we get so consumed with what we look like compared to others that then it becomes a bit problematic, and then it makes us question what we are and what we should be and whether we're good enough or thin enough or pretty enough, you know? And there's no real one single solution to this. There's no one answer I can give you but if I can give you some tips on how to have a good body image, then that might help you along a little bit. 

 

Now, for some people, having a good body image is about being comfortable in their appearance. For others, it's much more than that. It's more than how they look on the outside. It also involves how they feel physically as well. Whatever the definition of a body positive image is, there is usually some form of comparison in there. There's usually some form of comparing a body to other people's bodies. 

 

It's almost like we need validation, we need to know that we're okay. We need to know how we size up to other people. We don't need to know that. But we do question it. And it's no wonder we do this if you think of everything that's around us. The TV commercials, the programmes, the magazine adverts, social media, even friends and family, it all contributes to unrealistic body ideals. And thanks to Photoshop, and filters, photos are often edited as well, aren't they to make people look different. They kind of help in inverted commas, people to appear as if they conform to these beauty ideals that society has said that is the correct way to look. 

 

But actually, all it's doing is reinforcing this unrealistic body ideal. And then when you add to that the fact that the internet has just made it easier for people to share these pictures, and these videos, without anybody knowing the full story, it's not helpful is it? Naturally, it leads to lots more body comparisons. 

 

And it's not just these outside forces that make people compare their bodies, there's lots of other reasons. It might be insecurity, or low self esteem, a need for approval. You know, if you've been brought up in a way that you've not been made to feel good about yourself, or you've not been able to feel good about yourself, or you've been made intentionally to feel bad about yourself, you might be striving for that approval, you might have that low self esteem, you might have that insecurity. And then it becomes really hard not to compare yourself to others. 

 

And even if it's not those people around you, that you're comparing yourself to, we see images of celebrities, and models on TV and we want what they have. We see the pictures in the magazines, and we want what they have. But unfortunately, this type of comparison has a real negative impact on our mental health. It's so bad for us. It leads to anxiety, and stress, and depression, and really serious body image issues. 

 

And if you're that way inclined, or if it chips away at you long enough, it can lead to disordered eating and eating disorders. If we're constantly comparing our bodies to others, then it's really difficult to accept ourselves for who we are. And then we end up taking these steps to try and change what we are to try and conform and to try and be better. And that's where we run into problems, because that's how we end up in the realms of disordered eating and eating disorders. 

 

Looking at other people's bodies is not always a bad thing. We shouldn't be comparing, we shouldn't be criticising, so we should never look at people's bodies with a mindset of seeing what is wrong with them, but it can be helpful to see other people's bodies in all shapes and sizes, all different forms, all different colours, all different abilities, because it helps us learn about different body types. It can help us to see that there are so many different types of people in the world, and we fit into that just fine the way we are.

 

It becomes harmful when we start to use it to judge ourselves negatively. So for example, I could use pictures in a magazine or on social media to understand the beauty of different body types and to educate myself on that. Or I could use it to compare my body to the models in the magazine. And that's going to lead me to think that I'm not thin enough. My stomach isn't flat enough. Maybe I'm not tall enough. Shape if my face isn't right. You know, all these thoughts or these feelings that comparison brings up, but instead of focusing on the positive aspects of my body, I'm focusing on the negatives. And this will drive me to focus on what I don't have this type of thinking just makes me feel bad about myself. Does that sound familiar to you? Is it something that you do? 

 

If you want to have a healthy body image, you need to stop comparing yourself to others. You need to start focusing on your strengths, on your positive qualities on your body and how amazing is. So here are a few tips. 

 

Firstly, remind yourself, every body is different. Every body is different. There is no one perfect body type or size. Who says that the people in the magazines and on social media have the bodies that you should strive for? Why do you think that is the right way to be? Who says? Who says? So remind yourself, every body is different, and that is good, it is a good thing. 

 

Can you imagine if we all look the same as each other? Here, imagine if we were all these kind of Stepford Wives characters, just clones with different coloured hair, the world would be a dull place. Now the world is made up of different people, and that's what makes life interesting. That's what makes you attracted to one person and maybe your friend would not find them attractive in the slightest. That's what makes you attracted to your partner and them attracted to you, rather than you being attracted to... well, anybody that you're not attracted to. That was a poor end example, wasn't it, but you know, where I'm going with that. Nobody has to be everybody's cup of tea. That's fine. 

 

If you don't happen to have a body shape or size that is typically considered attractive by society, that is fine, because your value is not determined by your shape and size. Every person has a place and a worth in the world. Everybody deserves to take up space. You are beautiful in your own way, and it is those unique parts of you that make you special. It takes all sorts to make the world go round, doesn't it. 

 

Also, understand that that definition of looking good is very subjective. So this goes back to what you find attractive, and what other people find attractive. Your views are going to be so different to somebody else's views. And this also includes how others perceive your body, and how you perceive your body. You might see your body one way, other people might see it a different way. 

 

Nobody else's opinion matters, but yours. You don't need to try and change things about your appearance in order to gain the approval of other people. The only person that needs that approval is you. The only person that that approval has to come from is you. So if you are happy with yourself, that's the main thing. And you can work on that. You don't have to convince other people to find your attractive, that's not our main goal in life is it. 

 

Also focus on your good parts, alright, focus on what you like about your body, not what you don't like. Let's be positive in our thinking, yeah. Embrace your unique body shape and size. If you look in the mirror, and you focus on all the things you don't like about your body, how you're going to feel, you're going to feel down, you're going to feel low, you're going to feel like you're not good enough. But if you looked at your body with a positive perspective, then you're going to start to give your body the respect that it needs. If you look at your body and you try to be positive about something about it, then that is going to be so much better for your mental health than looking in the mirror and trying to find things to criticise. 

 

You could try giving thanks to parts of your body. Appreciating your hands, because they hold the hands of your loved ones, or because they hold your children's hands. They allow you to pick up your child and give it a cuddle. Or maybe you can appreciate your heart because oh my God isn't your heart totally amazing. It pumps your blood around day and night because it's amazing. It just keeps going and going and going. It's incredible. And your lungs do the same. They expand and contract, expand and contract, and they just do it. You don't have to think about it. And your brain just makes you move. You know your arms move, your legs move, your head moves, you twist and turn and you stand up, you sit down all these different things. Now I know there's going to be people out there that can't do some of these things that I've listed, but these are generalised examples. Your body moves without you really having to think about it, because it's such an unconscious thing to do.

 

Isn't that amazing? So can you look in the mirror and find something that you are amazed by, that you can appreciate? Or even if you can't look in the mirror, can you look down? Look down. Look down right now. What can you see that you can be appreciative of? There's more words I can't say. Appreciative. Is that a word, I don't know? You know what I mean. Look down. Tell me what you can appreciate right now. 

 

Do you appreciate your hands? Do you like your hands? Right now I'm looking at my hands and my hands have got a really nice Nail Colour on. I do my own gel nails, because I've got a kit, and right now I've got a really nice shade of pink. My nails look good. They're good length. They're a nice shape. I don't particularly like my hands. You're a bit wrinkly. Definitely got my mum's hands. Working hands they are. But you know what, I appreciate my hands because without them, the stuff that I could not do is insane. 

 

And I look down a bit further and I can see my legs and my feet. These are legs and feet that carry me round day in day out. Even when I'm tired and drained, my legs will still get me from A to B. See what I mean? So, right now choose something that you can appreciate. Even if you don't like your shape or your size, right now what can you appreciate? What can you appreciate? 

 

From now you can start to work on actually liking more and more parts of your body. building that confidence in your body. Starting to like the way you look. Even if that feels like it's not possible right now. You can do it, you can do it. I promise you. 

 

Look after your health and well being too. While you need to appreciate your body and what it does it's also good to focus on our health and our happiness. So self care is essential to our well being. Have the respect for your body to actually take care of it as best you can. 

 

Get enough sleep. Sleep is so underrated, isn't it? I think we think we can survive on just a couple of hours sleep a night and we just keep going and we keep going. Middle of the afternoon comes and we're exhausted but we just keep going and we keep going. But sleep is vital. It's so vital for health and well being so make sure you get enough sleep. There is no shame in getting an early night, every single night. There is no shame in going to bed at nine o'clock on a Saturday evening if that's what you want to do. God knows I don't go out and party anymore. Saturday evenings, me and my husband living the wild life on the sofa with TV. But you know you don't it just it's fine. It's just fine. It doesn't matter. Why do I need to be up till all hours of the morning on a weekend anymore? I don't and it's okay. And I don't cope well when I haven't had enough sleep. So it's in everybody's best interests for me to go to bed. 

 

Eat well, alright? Eat as well as you can. I know, not everybody can cook. Not everybody knows about nutrition. Not everybody likes what we deem to be super nutritious foods. That's okay. Eat well for you. Eat well for your tastes and your preferences. And when I say eat well, I mean, eat and eat regularly. Don't starve yourself. Don't restrict yourself to times of the day where you're allowed to eat and outside of that you're not to touch anything. There's no point. Your body will be better fuelled if you eat when you need to eat. If you eat intuitively, if you eat when you're hungry. Your body is asking you for food. So fuel it, feed it nourish it. You can't be well if you don't eat. 

 

And move regularly. Try and get some movement In your life. I'm not saying go to a spin class. I've said this before I'm sure on here, I've definitely said it to my group coaching ladies, that I hate spin. I went to one class at 6.30 in the morning. I hated it. Within minutes, I wanted to run crying from the room. I didn't, but it was the worst 45 minutes of my life. My legs were jelly for the rest of the day, I was in agony for days afterwards, I hated it. I hated it. I'm not doing it again. Instead, I have things that I like much more. I like dance based movement. I like classes that have got some kind of music and some kind of rhythm to them. That's my thing. I like dancing around the house. I don't mind walking. There are plenty of things in life that I enjoy doing, which is movement that will help me to be fit and well. 

 

You need to find yours. Don't break your back at the gym, if that's not what you enjoy doing. Don't put yourself in classes that you don't enjoy. Don't go out running, if that's not what you like. Find yourself some movement that you enjoy. And this is for the now and for the later. It will help you feel better physically and mentally now, and it will help to promote long term health. So regular movement is really good for you. Try and do that. See what you can do. 

 

Engage your intellect. This is a form of self care. This is a form of well being. Read books, watch interesting films, watch documentaries, TV shows that get you into it. Engage in creative activities. If you like painting, or drawing anything, whatever your creative outlet is, why not do it? It makes you feel so good. 

 

Connect with others as well. Connect with others compassionately. Make time for friends and family members that you enjoy spending time with. I'm not saying go out there and make time for everybody and anybody. That's not healthy. That's not helpful if you're trying to look after your own mental health. But make time for the people that are close to you that you enjoy spending time with that you can talk to without worrying about judgement. The kinds of people where you come away, and you feel so good because that energy is good for you, and you've had a great time, and you've had a good chat, and you've had a laugh and hours have passed before you even know it. So good for the soul. 

 

Also cultivate inner peace, cultivate that inner tranquillity, by practising something like mindfulness or meditation. It's not everybody's cup of tea but you need quiet in your day. You need some quiet time where you can debrief or decompress, you know. 

 

And all these things, they'll all come together to form a more satisfied and positive outlook, which in turn will help with your own self esteem and body image. So I know that we've started there saying, How do I not compare myself to other people, but we compare because we're not happy with what we are. So if you can put all these pieces together and make yourself, as a whole, somebody that you like being, you're not going to be so concerned about criticising yourself and comparing yourself to other people. 

 

Positive Thinking is a must. Getting rid of those negative thoughts, replacing them with more positive messages, is so important. If you talk down to yourself all the time, how are you ever going to be able to know your worth? If you tell yourself how bad you are all the time how are you ever going to stop comparing yourself to other people?

 

So remind yourself frequently that you are worthy of love and respect. Be kind to yourself even when you don't feel like it. Having regular easy positive thoughts is a habit. The more you do them, the easier they will become. So repeat them. It might be difficult to start with you might feel ridiculous. If you are trying to tell yourself once a day, something good about yourself you might feel ridiculous because it's not the norm. Especially as Brits, we're not very good at that, are we? As British people are not very good at blowing our own trumpet. We're not very good at saying how brilliant we are, and how wonderful we are and how great we are. So to try and do that on a regular basis can be quite difficult. Especially if you've got a low body image, low self esteem, to try and tell yourself that there's something good about yourself is difficult. 

 

But it does become a habit so keep doing it. Keep trying it. No matter how difficult it is day after day, tell yourself something positive, and it will become easier. It will become easier and easier. And you'll go from looking in the mirror saying, 'Hi, your nails look good today', To 'Oh, yeah, I look awesome today'. Okay, maybe you won't get to that. I never do that. I never look in the mirror and give it the big I am, but I do look in the mirror and go, 'Actually, I look good today. I look good today. My skin is good. My hair looks nice. My clothes look good on me today. I'm confident I feel good about myself'. 

 

You know, it does transfer every bit every day. Every thing you say to yourself mounts up, and it does get easier, and it does build. So do it. Do it. Just do it now. Go on. I wouldn't tell anybody. Have a look in the mirror, say something now. Dare ya! 

 

Also, accept compliments graciously when you get them. I know that we don't believe it at first. Somebody says, 'Oh, you look great today' and then we try and excuse it, don't we? We say something like, 'Oh, really? I I've washed my hair this morning?' Yeah. Why can't we just go, 'Oh, thank you. Oh, that's good, I feel good. Thank you very much'. Just accept it. People give compliments to make you feel good so take that compliment, believe it feel it. it's so good. Give you a spring in your step for the rest of the day as well. 

 

Also, positive talking is super important. Talking positively about different body types has the potential to make a really big impact on people's lives, and on diet culture in general. it would be great to cultivate environments around us that are positive spaces wouldn't it, not places where you feel the need to compare yourself to others. So encourage others to talk about people's bodies with kindness and compassion. 

 

It's kind of natural, isn't it for people to have the kind of chat that goes along the lines of 'oh, I saw such and such the other day, she put on a bit of weight'. Alright, let's discourage that kind of chat. Let's just talk about people with kindness, and compassion. Let's help other people feel more confident that it's helped other people feel empowered. Let's help other people to be happy in their own skin. That person that you're talking about, maybe having the same struggles as you, so let's be kind. 

 

And let's encourage others to be kind. So let's stamp out talk like that in the office. Let's stop friends and family commenting on our bodies and things like that. Friends and family and colleagues can all be great sources of support so you can enlist them in your mission to be more body positive, and you can encourage them to start talking more positively about themselves too. Let's get rid of that culture where we naturally compare people to other people, and then we'll naturally stop comparing ourselves to other people at the same time. 

 

So while it's not easy to change your body image, it is possible and you can start working on yourself. You can start accepting yourself for who you are, and this will help you to be more content with your body. All these things put together will help you to be happier, and feel better about yourself overall. Remember, it's important to be kind to yourself. It's important to focus on your health and happiness, not just your appearance. 

 

Give yourself permission to make mistakes, too. It's part of you being your own unique person, you know. Everybody goes through rough patches. Don't beat yourself up if you feel badly about yourself. Just give yourself the time and the space to work through that and then you start again. You start again with that positivity and that kindness towards yourself. 

 

Now, say something positive about yourself please. Go on. Thank you. 

 

This was the subject of my first coffee and coaching chats in the Facebook group this weekend. It was brilliant. I really loved it. So if you didn't know that I was doing it, I am starting monthly free coffee and coach sessions in the Facebook group. So on the first weekend of every month, there's going to be a session, it's about one hour long, and it's called Coffee and Coaching, and it is completely free. You just have to sign up and come and join in. 

 

I do it over Google meet, which is a bit like zoom, but I think it's a little bit easier to use. And we just have a get together. I'll give you half an hour or so of coaching for free, and at the same time you get to meet people in the group face to face. You get to see that people are going through the same things as you. You get to build up some relationships with people that can support you, and that you can support them at the same time, you know. We're going to build relationships that will help us get through these issues that we're trying to work through. 

 

It's so invaluable to have people around you that understand. And when you leave a diet club, you lose this social circle that you think that you've got, you lose this group of people that you think are understanding how you feel, and these coffee and coaching sessions are designed for that. So they will provide you with this new group of people that you can resonate with that you can get support from, and you'll get some coaching from me once a month on a topic. 

 

And it's good, we had such a positive hour. It was so so so good. People were scribbling notes the whole time, which is brilliant, because it means I must have been saying something useful. But come and join the Facebook group and then you can join these coffee and coaching sessions. Honestly, it's going to be so good. And each month the group gets to choose the topic of the session as well, so it's always up for discussion what we're going to talk about. 

 

Come on in, come and join the Facebook group. There's a link in the show notes. And I'll see you there. Yes. Awesome. 

 

If you want something more in depth though, don't forget you are very welcome to join the weekly group coaching sessions. That goes more in depth into these subjects than I will ever do in the free sessions. The free sessions are a bit like taster sessions, really. But in the group coaching, we'll delve into things a lot deeper. So again, if you want to know more about that, the link is in the show notes. And I would really love to see you there. I'd really love to see you there. 

 

Have a great week ahead. Have a really, really lovely week, and I will speak to you again next week. See you later. Bye bye.