32. Having confidence at parties

Going to parties when you are lacking confidence around your body or food can be very stressful. Christmas party nights are everywhere at the moment, but all year round there are going to be events, and so having some wise words and a couple of tactics under your belt can really help.

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Please note, this podcast is intended to be general information for entertainment purposes only. Any figures quoted are correct at the time of recording. As always, please seek the support of a registered professional before making changes to your diet or lifestyle⁠, or if you feel that you are affected by any of the topics discussed.

Related Topics:
Intuitive Eating, HAES, Health At Every Size, Body Positivity, Body Confidence, Body Positive, Anti Diet, Non Diet, Diet Culture, Food Freedom, Fat Acceptance, Fat Liberation, Self Care, Weight Loss, Eating Disorder, Eating Disorder Recovery, Disordered Eating, Nutritional Therapy, Slimming World, Weight Watchers, Cambridge Diet, Cambridge Plan, 121 Diet, Lighter Life, Noom, Coaching, Healing, Health, Wellness, Calorie Counting, Macros

Transcript

Welcome to the intuitive eating and body positivity podcast. I'm Terri and I'll be talking about all things, intuitive eating body positivity and health at every size and shaking off weight stigma, diet culture, and food rules so that we can all have a better relationship with food and our bodies.

oh, it's been a minute hasn't it. Have you missed me? I've missed you. Um, yeah, it's been a few weeks. I've not actually been able to record, um, sorry about that. What a gap. Um, So I went away for a weekend as you know. Went to a pool tournament. Um, I say, as you know, can you remember that far back? And yeah, I had a great weekend away and then lots of other stuff was happening.

So there was some family stuff going on and then I've not been very well for a couple of weeks. And at one point I wasn't really able to speak, I completely lost my voice. And so you might be able to hear it. It's just, it's still a little bit croaky, but I am back. I am able to talk to you again. Um, so yeah, here I am.

On the note of being ill, please, if you're not very well, can you just take something for it? You know, if you need it, can you take it when you're on a diet is really easy to get caught up in the whole points and syns and calorie counting and things like that. And when you're unwell and you're considering whether to take anything for it or not it's easy isn't it to start worrying about whether the cough syrup is going to have calories in or how many syns a strepsil is. How many points are in a Lemsip, you know, that sort of thing. And then we decided not to have them say that we can save our whatever we're counting for later for food.

We'll suffer and all in the name of eating some more food later. Food that actually, we don't even want half the time when we're not very well. I mean, I didn't have much of an appetite when I was unwell. I was just happy to have some stuff in me that was making me feel a little bit better. And if that was a strepsil, if that was the lemsip I was taking it. So you do not have to feel bad for taking stuff to make you feel better. 

Okay. That's one of my messages this week. I've got so many messages to give you. I've got so many things I've wanted to say over this past few weeks, and I haven't been able to, haven't been able to come on and speak to you. Um, I will just have to play catch up.

Um, so yeah, nothing much to tell you about my life, because I've been curled up on the sofa mostly. Life gets you like that though sometimes isn't it, it makes you wants to just hide away and not really deal with things anymore. Um, but it's important to listen to your body. It's important. If you need to stop, you need to stop.

If you need to take a break from things, you need to take a break from. I don't feel guilty for not doing the podcast. I feel sad that I haven't done it, but I don't feel guilty for not doing it because I know that I needed to rest. I know I needed to just get well, and I know you guys are here when I was ready to come back.

So, um, after a much needed break, I am good to go. But, um, yeah, diets don't allow for that, do they, they don't allow for life to happen. They say they do, but it's always going to be at the expense of something else isn't it. You can not go to group one week, but you still have to pay for it, like with money, unless you book it as a holiday or something. A holiday?

I mean, who has to book holiday from a diet club? How crazy is that? And you can go off and you can eat what you want, because you can't think about anything else other than getting well, for example, and you can't think about your diet for the day, so you don't, and then you have to restrict some kind of points or food or calories.

To be able to make up for that because you can stop for a week. You can stop for a couple of days, but you know, you're going to have to answer for it when you go back to your scales, when you go back to the club on while it was always a Tuesday for me. So I always knew that when Tuesday came around, I was either going to have had a good week or I was going to have to answer for something.

But, you know, that's where intuitive eating comes into it. I was able to listen to what my body needs. I was able to listen to what my mental health needed. I decided to take time out because that's what I needed. I didn't put that pressure on with food, with diet and I listened to what I needed for energy.

Some days that was cake. Sometimes it was chocolate. Some days it was a roast dinner with loads of veg because that's what my body needed. I'm not saying I was a perfect intuitive eater, but it was definitely useful overall. I was definitely able to recognize what I needed to eat each day in order to make myself feel better or to give me some energy, for example. 

Intuitive eating lets you take that pressure off when times are hard. Even if you're feeling fine, but you've got pressures on with your family for example, intuitive eating allows you to take that break. It gets rid of the guilt that you might feel. 

If you are on a diet and you were trying to combat, you know, stuff going on around you and still diet at the same time, intuitive eating means that you don't have to worry about that and you don't have to worry about weight gain and what's going to happen when you're back on the dieting wagon you know, when you're ready to get back to it, what effect is that gonna have had on your weight? Well, it doesn't matter because the most important thing, the thing that matters the most is that you're taking care of yourself.

And if that means not thinking about food for awhile, then brilliant. You should not think about food for a while. Times are hard enough already aren't they. There's so much going on. And when these things are difficult enough, why would you not allow yourself that breathing space? Let me help you. I can help you with that.

I can help you feel guilt free about this eating stuff. Talking of guilt free, have you been following my Christmas countdown on Instagram and Facebook? Have you been watching my countdown? A message a day until Christmas. Have you seen them? It's a little advent calendar type thing. So you get a message every day through December leading up to Christmas.

Now I know that it's nearly Christmas day. I know I haven't been able to tell you about this earlier on here, but, um, you can still go back and look at them. You can still go back and read the messages. There's lots of little messages that tell you how to approach food and how you feel about yourself over Christmas, over new year. When you're already having issues with food and with your body, it's made even harder by the fact that at Christmas and new year there's food and drink and parties and oh, everything everywhere.

And it just adds to the pressure. It exacerbates the feelings. Oh, there's stuff with calories everywhere isn't there. Chocolates and mince pies and puddings and buffets and meals out. You know, all that sort of stuff that is going to stress you out if you're already worried about your eating. 

So go take a look back at the posts that I've put on already. Give me a follow if you're not already and you'll get the last few for the year, but yeah, go and have a look at them cause there's some nice little messages there that will put things into context a little bit. Try and make sense of all the diet nonsense that's going on at this time of year. 

Let's also talk about socialising.

I don't know about you, but socialising stresses me out. Well, actually it doesn't any more, but it did used to really, really stress me out. It can be really hard to look forward to upcoming events. I understand that. All kinds of events as well, not just the big ones. Anything. Even socialising at a friend's house, for example. A very small social event. Just a little gathering between friends that can bring its own pressures. 

Big Christmas parties. They can bring real pressures, but have a different kind. And I know we're talking about Christmas now, because at the time of recording, it is Christmas time. I mean, that's no good to you if you're listening in the middle of July for whatever reason, but actually we socialise all year round. There's always events.

So this will still apply even if you're listening to this later. So yeah, let's start with the small group. A gathering at a friend's house. Imagine this, you are going to meet a few of your girlfriends. You're going to have some drinks, you're going to exchange presents, or you're going to celebrate somebody's birthday and you're going to have a gathering at a friend's house.

Okay. So you know, the people that are going to be there, but sometimes that can bring more pressure than a gathering full of people you don't know, 'cause these people know you don't they. They might have expectations of what you're going to wear. They'll know whether you've put effort in because they know you on a day-to-day basis. So they'll know if you've made an effort. 

You might be expected to wear a certain style. Maybe it will be fancy dress, certain type of clothes, maybe a certain color, or a pyjama party. Oh God, these things, my worst nightmare. I don't do fancy dress. I don't do dress up. Um, I just want to wear normal clothes. Clothes I feel comfortable in. I mean, does sitting around in pyjamas make you feel uncomfortable. Because maybe that's going to expose your shape and your size more than you feel that your clothes might do. 

Or are you happier with that because pyjamas are big and baggy? But does that also mean that because you're not trussed in with shape where and things, you feel a bit more uncomfortable. Or because they're big and baggy are you happier because it's hiding this multitude of sins that you think you've got going on. 

You see what I mean? Something as basic as pyjamas can even bring on all of these different thoughts and essentially can make you feel very uncomfortable. I mean, what if you don't even wear pyjamas? What if you wear t-shirts and shorts?

Well, if you wear nothing to bed, then what you do? Then you've got to go out and get something that you don't feel comfortable in and you don't ever wear. 

Maybe it's a cocktail party, then that's a whole different thing. That's a whole different kettle of fish. There's another saying, I don't understand. We seem to have these quite often. Don't we? What is a whole different kettle of fish? I know what a kettle of fish is, but why is it a different kettle of fish? Different to what anyway. 

Um, maybe it's a cocktail party and then it's a whole different situation because now you're not just thinking on a pair of pyjamas. Uh, now you are going to have to consider what you're going to wear, and if you don't usually dress in that kind of way, when you go out, oh, that's a minefield all of its own isn't it. Then we're down to the whole clothes shopping issue. Then where do you go? What do you buy? What style suits you? What's everybody else going to wear? Is what you choose going to be suitable.

Um, are you going to have to wear shape wear, because otherwise you're going to see all your lumps and bumps and you're not comfortable with that. There's so much to think of. So even though you're going to be spending this evening with friends, automatically there are these thoughts that are starting to panic you.

Now I love an evening with my friends, but these are always the things that come to me first before I even consider that. So I understand. If that's you, I understand. 

Once you finished thinking about clothes and things, do you even start thinking about the food? What is the night going to consist of? What food is going to be available.

Is there gonna be enough food available? Is there going to be too much food and that's going to panic you? Are you going to be able to pick and choose without offending anybody? You know, if, if your friend, the hostess has laid on this food that you don't like, that you're not comfortable with or, um, that you won't enjoy, how do you say no thank you without offending. 

Maybe you're better off bringing your own food, but then is that going to offend her? What will you do with regards to drink? Are you going to bring your own drink? I don't know if that makes a difference to you, but maybe have a think about that. But yeah, there's lots of different questions around food, even when it's just at your friends house.

And sometimes because it's friends that that's what makes it a little bit harder. Um, they know you when you're at your best, they know when you're not at your best. They know when you've made an effort. And there can also be a lot more criticism within friends sometimes because you feel like you're close enough to have a conversation about each other.

And we shouldn't comment on each other's choices. We shouldn't comment on each other's food and the way that they look and the way that they dress, but we do. And that's sadly, it's human nature. Isn't it. That's just the way we are. We shouldn't, unless it's really pleasant, but actually, even if it's pleasant, we shouldn't comment on people's bodies.

We just shouldn't. Sometimes these chats can be really warm and friendly. And nice. And oh, you look amazing. You look really good. I love your dress. I love the way you've done your hair tonight. Maybe it can make you feel not so good because if a conversation starts happening around how people look in their dresses, maybe then you're thinking, well, how do I feel in my dress?

I'm uncomfortable. What if people say about what I feel like in my dress or what I look like in my dress, and then that can lead you down a whole rabbit hole of conversation that you don't even want to go into, or it can lead you down a rabbit hole in your head. Nobody has mentioned your dress. Nobody has mentioned the way you look, but because you've mentioned somebody else's dress, does that mean that people are talking about your dress?

Do you know what I mean? So stressful. And this stuff is all in our heads. And by the time you get to the night, you're not ready to enjoy it because you've had all these things in the run-up to it. These things probably aren't even going to happen when you get there. You know, all these things are worries and concerns that you have in your own head.

And I'm not saying that they're not real thoughts. I'm not saying they're not real worries. But we do have a tendency to overlook them and then we beat ourselves up and we get worried over something that actually we're going to really enjoy. 

Your friends at that party are just going to be happy that you are there. Happy, whatever you choose to wear, whatever you choose to eat, whatever you choose to bring or not bring, they're going to be happy that you've turned up to an event.

I mean, how many events have you not gone to? Because you've been worried. I have done it so many times. I have not gone to things because I'm concerned about my clothes the food, the way I look, all sorts of things. I've turned down so many fun things because of the way that I think I'm going to be perceived when I look back over the years.

When I think of things that I've missed out on, it's quite sad. It's quite saddening. You know, there's lots of things that I would like to have experienced that I just haven't because. 'cause I was too in my own head about these things. Now I go anywhere, do anything me. I'll have a go, I'll get stuck in.

I'll enjoy an event. I couldn't care less what people think about me. I really just want to experience things and have a good time with people. I don't care whether people like what I wear or what I'm eating. Do you know what I mean? And if you can get to a point like that, then I'm going to be right here, cheering with you.

Let's talk about Christmas jumper day or for the sake of it being an all year round relevant conversation, dress down days in the office, charity things, you know, charity events where they say you can wear something pink tomorrow for breast cancer awareness or wear a Christmas jumper and we'll raise money for local charity, you know?

For some people, this is brilliant. No uniform at work tomorrow. No formal dress wear lovely for me. I go, oh God, where am I going to find a Christmas jumper? Where am I gonna find a Christmas jumper? That is big enough.

I have to shop online for these things. Hey, we go again, nowhere local we'll sell clothes that fit me. No, where local we'll sell these Christmas jumpers that I would love to wear. I would have to order them online. Again, I didn't even bother this year. There was a half-hearted attempt at Christmas jumper day at work.

I didn't bother. I couldn't be bothered. I decided I didn't want to spend the money for one day actually. Um, I'm not a big jumper wearer cause I get quite warm quite quickly. So I don't like to wear thick jumpers. So Christmas jumper is never going to get much wear in my house anyway, but I decided that actually the more important thing to me was that I didn't want to spend that money on something where I'm not going to get much use out of.

So I decided. It wasn't about the size. It wasn't about the shopping so much. I just decided that it wasn't for me. And I think this would be a helpful thing for most people to start to do. Do you want to do it or you're feeling pressurized into it because we should do the things we're comfortable with and the things that we want to do.

And let me tell you anyway. Christmas jumpers are not flattering on anyone are they? When was the last time you saw somebody in a Christmas jumper and you go, they look brilliant. I can't remember the last time I ever thought somebody looked amazing in a Christmas jumper. 

Now that's not to say that there aren't some amazing Christmas jumpers. That's a whole different thing. There are some very good Christmas jumpers, but I don't think they look flattering on anyone and as I said a little minute ago, they're usually hot and stuffy. They're too much for me. I can't deal with being that hot. I'd rather wear, um, like a light sweatshirt or something like that, you know?

And I'm not a slogan person. I don't like drawing attention to myself. So I don't want 2 mince pies on my chest shall we say, or some funny comment about ho ho, ho.

Just trying to find something that I like is, uh, an ordeal in itself so I don't want to get involved in things like that. That's not being humbug about this. I just, I just weigh up my pros and cons now. I just fight my battles you know. I pick and choose rather, my battles. 

I apologise for the incoherence of my sentences today, by the way. I told you, I'm still not feeling great, but you know, I'm here. I've showed up. You just have to put up with my rambled sentences. 

So then let's talk about the big Christmas parties, the big celebrations, the big birthday parties, the big weddings and things like that. These big social events they're all year round aren't they. We've always got these things pop up in our lives that we're invited to attend.

So at the moment, it's obviously Christmas parties and there's an awful lot of pressure that goes with those, but it's different pressure to when you're with friends or family, isn't there. Maybe the people at work are just used to seeing you in a uniform or a certain style of clothes, a certain set of clothes.

Maybe they're not used to seeing you dressed up and so to dress yourself up and put yourself out there then becomes a big deal for some people. Some people relish the idea. I know that there are a couple of people of our workplace in years gone by shall we say, where they have, um, dressed too impressed and they've loved it. They've really enjoyed getting all dressed up and being a bit of a wow factor on the night, you know. That's not for me. I don't like to make a big scene and, you know, attract attention. So to dress up and put myself out there, I might enjoy it once I find the things that I'm comfortable in, but I don't like being center of attention.

I don't like having all eyes on me. So I understand that it's a big deal for anybody, any shape, any size, because these things put us out of our comfort zone sometimes don't they. Puts us out of our norm, puts us out of our usual surroundings with people and then you have to step out of that and you have to change the way you look for a little bit. 

And then people might see you differently and you start getting little comments and people saying, oh, you look great. You look nice. Or you might be worried that they're not saying. There's always the chat in the office the day after the party, isn't there, or, you know, the following Monday, if your party's on a Friday. Did you see such and such. Didn't they look amazing. Did you see what they were wearing? Did you see what their hair looked like? Oh my gosh. Didn't she do her makeup amazing, you know.

 There's all this different chat that goes on and actually there's not always much negative chat. It's more oh, didn't she look good? Didn't they look good? Didn't they have a good time? But also I find that the chat is more often around things that happened rather than the way that people look.

So like who got the drunkest who fell over, made a right arse of themselves because they slipped on the steps outside. Who didn't turn up when they said they were going to turn up. Maybe you met people's partners and you comment on how nice they are or not nice they are. 

You know some people bring their partners to their Christmas party and they get on like a house on fire with everybody. My husband's like that he'll turn up, get on with anybody, have a really good time. People do genuinely tend to like him, but then you might get the partners turning up who are not interested in joining the party. They're just there because they have to be and, you know, people will comment on things like that.

And there's always other things to talk about. The music. Maybe there was an awesome DJ or maybe there was a DJ that was straight out of the seventies. Do you remember Harry Enfield? Um, did the Smashy and Nicey sketch? Do you know what that is? You should go and look that up. If you do not know. Who Smashy and Nicey are just go and Google it. It'll be in YouTube or something. There'll be loads of that. Um, I'm not going to do an impression because I can't do impressions, but, um, they are a bit of a mockery of the old traditional DJs that were a bit over the top in a announcing all the songs and things. So maybe your DJ was like that. And people are talking about that.

Maybe the band was great. Maybe the band was awful, you know. Maybe the food was incredible. Did you have this amazing lavish dinner and everybody was completely wowed by it. Maybe the food was dire and you hate it so everybody went for a takeaway after, cause they were still hungry. You know, so much to talk about that isn't related to the way you look.

And also I rarely ever remember what anybody else was eating. I couldn't possibly make comment on what the person sat next to me at any Christmas party I've ever been to had. I just don't know. I'm just too interested in my own food to be bothered about what anybody else is eating. So I'm never going to comment on whether somebody had a plate full of food or the portion size of a mouse.

You know, we get kind of wrapped up in what people are going to think about the amount of food we eat, especially if we're in a bigger body, because of course people assume that you have a big appetite if you're in a bigger body. Well, they don't naturally assume that, but that's what we believe in our heads remember. 

And in reality, I couldn't care less what somebody else had on their plate. They probably couldn't care less what you have on your plate. So we again make this deal of food and we don't need to because nobody truly cares, you know? And it's very rare that we talk about the way that people look at these events. We really do. Unless somebody has gone all out and is dressed in something pretty out then we're probably not really going to notice what people look like.

Cast your mind back to a previous event. How much conversation was there about the way people look and how much conversation was there a bout the actual party itself? I'm willing to bet that the conversation has usually been around the actual party or people doing funny things, you know, getting themselves into bother, rather than criticizing what people look like.

It can be very easy to just think sod it, I'll get drunk and then I won't care. But the problem with getting drunk is that it can go a couple of different wayscan't it. A little drink can give you a little bit of confidence and it can help you loosen up and you can have a good time without worrying and that's absolutely fine. 

But you know, service announcements, you can go far too far the other way. Sometimes in an effort to get that confidence, you can actually go too far the other way, have too much to drink. And then you ended up this jibbering mess, sobbing in the toilets with your mate. You know, all been there.

So just be careful of how much you're drinking. That's not me being a party pooper. That's just saying, you know, a drink can be great to loosen up with, but it can also go a bit far the other way. So just be aware of that. Don't want to be talking point for another reason do we. 

Also, you know, how there's that saying comparison is the thief of joy. Well, it's very true isn't it in a lot of circumstances. And this is one of those circumstances where it is very true. If you spend so much time in the run-up to the party, worrying about how you're going to look in comparison to other people already, you've done yourself down.

If you've taken the time to find a dress that you do feel comfortable in, find an outfit that you feel comfortable in, and then all the time you're comparing yourself to somebody else, how good they look, how they're always so stylish, they always dress so well. They've always got an amazing outfit. They're always so good at their hair and makeup. 

You spent all your time doing that, and you've gone from really liking what outfit you've got on to really putting yourself down and not liking the way you look. So those words in your head can make or break that event before you've even got there. 

Don't compare yourself to other people.

If you find an outfit that you feel really good in, if you find something you think really suits you, then be proud of that and wear it and enjoy it and feel confident in yourself. People do want to see what you're wearing, but not always in a critical way. They're not there to cast this critical eye over you and what you're wearing.

They just want to see what you're wearing. They want to see you looking and feeling good. They want to see you're having a good time. You know how it works when you're just starting a Christmas party and everybody's arriving and everybody's walking through the door. You know, and you're looking at what people are wearing as they walked through the door.

Oh, wow. She looks amazing. Ooh, look at what she's wearing. Ooh I love those shoes. I could not wear them because my feet would be killing me in half an hour. Oh, look at that dress. I love it. 

It's never let's stand here right by the door and let's pick everybody's outfit to pieces. Let's see, who looks a bit of an idiot or their outfit. Let's see who looks the worst tonight? Do you know what I mean? That's not what you're doing is it. 

When you are standing meeting people as they come into the Christmas party is that what you're doing? Because what you're doing is almost certainly what everybody else is doing. And if you are looking at people arriving and you're excited to see them and see what they're wearing and see what they've chosen to wear, how they've done their hair, what their makeup looks like, what jewelry they've got on that sort of thing, then they're doing the same.

Nobody's really out there criticising. It's just a confidence thing. And if you're confident in the way you look, then that automatically takes some of that negativity away and you can be happy and you can be confident and excited to be at the party. 

When you're at that party, please try to enjoy yourself.

How much do you love to see people around you enjoying themselves when the party is in full swing and the DJs go in and there's great music playing and people are dancing. Even if you're not a person who likes to dance, don't you love seeing people having fun. Don't you love seeing a dance floor full of people, even if you're not there with them.

You're going to enjoy seeing people have a good time, having some good food, enjoying some drinks, having a dance, having a snog. Who's going to kiss the boss this year. Those are the things you're looking around and enjoying. 

You're going to be looking at the decorations. You're not going to spend your whole night pulling apart people for the way that they look and they're not doing that for you, your shape, your size, your body. 

Nobody is paying attention to all of that because that's not what people are doing when they're at a party. That's not you and what you do and that's not what people in general are doing. 

Picture this, if you see somebody sat at a table and they're not joining in and they look like they're not having a good time, they look like they feel a bit self-conscious and they just sat there quietly, what is the natural thing that you want to do? You want to go over and you want to get your mates and you want to have a drink with them and you want to have a good giggle.

And you're going to have a nice, you know, a little chat with them and try and encourage them and see if they're okay. If you're a likable person, people want you to have a good time and that is exactly the same for you. Nobody wants to see you being sad, sat quietly in the corner, watching the party going on around you. 

Nobody's saying that you should get up and dance if you don't want to. Nobody saying that you need to be in the thick of the party, if that is not you naturally, but people will be able to tell if you're not happy. Nobody wants you to be miserable or to feel bad about the way you look to feel uncomfortable.

The thoughts are really, really natural. You don't necessarily have to have the confidence, you know, not everybody is a confident person, but it's important to know that the people around you are not criticizing you. So you sat there criticizing you is only stopping you from enjoying what you would enjoy in the party.

People around you just want you to have a good time. They want to see you enjoying yourself. They don't give two hoots about what you look like. They just want you to enjoy it. And when you're doing yourself down and your criticizing yourself, Feeling self-conscious and thinking about how you compare to others, you are not enjoying the party and that's not what anybody wants.

That's not what you want and it's not what the people around you want either. 

I think my key piece of advice here would be get yourself a couple of outfits if you can. If you can afford to do it, get yourself a couple of outfits leading up to the party in the run-up to the party and make sure that they're different styles so that when the day comes, you can pick the one you feel most comfortable in.

It can be really easy to have a dress picked out, just one dress, because you felt great in it when you bought it, and then on the day you feel really uncomfortable in it. So get yourself a couple of different outfits, and then you can pick the one that you feel most comfortable in on the day. 

And if you can't find anything new, if you've got something tucked away in the back of the cupboard, that's fine. Don't feel like you have to go buy new clothes. If you've got a few things tucked away that you are happy to wear, wear one of those. You don't have to buy a brand new outfit every time you go somewhere. If you've got a dress that you wear to every event, go in year in, year out and you love it and crack on. Doesn't matter if people have seen you in it before. If you are comfortable, if you are happy in it, that is what matters. 

Don't choose that event to try something new either. That's not really going to help. If you're already suffering with a lack of confidence, choose styles that you know, that you feel a bit more confident in. 

Choose hairstyles and makeup styles that you know you can do so that's not going to stress you out either. Ah, the number of times I have tried to do my hair and it's gone wrong and I've just ended up dragging the straighteners through it to try and just get rid of what I tried to do last minute, taxi outside, you know, you know what I mean?

Don't choose that time to do something fancy that you've not managed to do before. 

Or have a little trip to the hairdressers, you know. Take a trip to somebody who can do makeup, like friend or family that's really good at it. My daughter is really good at makeup, so she does my sister's makeup whenever my sister wants to go out somewhere. Plenty of ways to take the pressure off yourself so that you can feel the best that you can before you've even left the house.

Choose things that give you more time to focus on getting yourself comfortable and confident. Give yourself time to feel comfortable before you leave the house. You know, not stressing about whether your curls are in the right place or not. 

Also shoes. Girls choose your shoes wisely. Put a pair of flip flops in your handbag if you can. You know, you can get those roll-up shoes, do things like that. If you're not going to be comfortable later in the evening, you're going to stop enjoying yourself. 

So all these little things will help you to enjoy it and feel less self-confident approach the way you look, you know. I know, it feels like in this episode I've just gone and this could happen and that could happen and you could feel like this and you could feel like that, but actually I genuinely think that the things I've picked on as thoughts and feelings that we all have, are things that we do kind of on the whole, all of us go through. 

And the message is there are ways to make yourself feel more comfortable. But also to know that a lot of these things are thoughts in your own head. Things that you can work through yourself a little bit. Things that actually, if you stop and just listen to other people when they tell you that you look good, know that you look good. There is no reason why they would be lying.

I really hope that you can enjoy your parties. I really hope you can enjoy the events that you're going to go to. Why not start now with this new, um, attitude that you're going to actually go and enjoy things. 

Come on, do something good for yourself. You want to go out there and you want to enjoy experiences, enjoy events. You don't want to be the person that doesn't do things because you feel self-conscious. I'm right here, cheering you on. You've got this. You can do it. 

Come and join the Facebook group. In there once a week, I post, um, a support feed and it's basically saying if you've got something coming up this week, that you're not too sure of, if you've got some food challenges, if you've got some body confidence challenges ahead of you this week, then you just let us know, and then we can all cheer you on. Do that, come and join. Come and get some support from people who feel the same and who have actually made really good steps to get through these things. We're all on it together aren't we hey. 

Come and join the Facebook group. I'll put the link in the show notes, but if you look for the intuitive eating and body positivity group, then you should find me. Um, or it's facebook.com/groups /intuitiveeatingandbodypostivity. I'll put that link in the show notes as always, obviously.

Oh, also on another note, um, exciting times. Spotify have now allowed people to rate podcasts on Spotify. This is new. People have never been able to do this before, but now you can give the podcast a rating. So if you are on Spotify, what I would really, really love is for you to just pop along to the show and you'll see that you can give it a little star rating, and if you could hit the five stars, that would be awesome.

I would really appreciate your support. Thank you. 

Obviously you can rate me on apple. What is it called? Yeah. Apple podcasts. That's what it's called now isn't it. You can rate me on that. You always have been able to. If you haven't, why haven't you? Um, but yeah, I'd really appreciate it. 

Wherever you listen if you are able to now rate podcast, I'd really appreciate a little five star review and a few kind words if the option is there. Thank you very much, indeed. 

Now I am off because I don't think my voice can stick much more talking and as much as I like talking to you, there is no respite. I have to keep hitting pause on the recording so I can have a drink of water. So I'm going to go off. I'm going to rest my voice for awhile. Lucky husband, lucky family. And, um, I will be recording another one before Christmas I think so I will speak to you later. 

Have a really good week. Enjoy whatever event you've got going on. Come join me in the Facebook group and tell me all about it.

Um, yeah, speak to you soon. Bye!.