109. Everyone around me is losing weight

Does it currently feel like everyone around you is losing weight? It's January. It's peak diet pressure season, the ads, social media, and diet clubs everywhere, but don't let that make you feel bad. 

In this episode, let me help you to change your thoughts around that and not be so envious of them. Let’s put that into context, including the following:

✨ How do we deal with the emotions & comparison when everyone around us is losing weight?

✨ What does it mean when people say they are doing really well? 

✨ Why does this pressure exist and why it’s normal to feel this way 

✨  How to become more body confident and appreciate yourself more

✨ How to protect your progress and mindset

✨ How intuitive eating gives you that body-positive attitude

✨ How to have a stress-free relationship with food 

✨ How to set boundaries with what is and isn't acceptable talk around you

Also, I talked about something new that I'm launching. Tune in to find out what it is! It's very exciting and I’m sure you’re gonna love it! 

Take care of yourself and see you next week.

Transcript

 A quick heads up before you start reading..... My transcriptions are automatically generated. I do not type them manually. For this reason there may be errors, incorrect words, bad spelling, bad grammar, and other things that just seem a little 'off'. You'll still be able to understand what is being said though, so please just ignore that and enjoy the episode.

[00:00:00] Hello. How have you been? Well, I mean, what a week and a half it's been for me. If you listened to last week's episode, you will know that I was not very well. I have been so not well for a week and a half now. It's been this horrible mix of head cold, chest infection, bad throat, sore throat, mainly from the coughing, I think, but my head's just been all full of stuff.

And you know what it's like, you can't function then, right? You can't think straight, can't do anything. So I haven't worked for a week and a half, but I feel a bit better today. Feel a bit better so hopefully it's on its way out. That'd be nice. Right. Um, yeah, so that's been my week and a half. So nothing exciting has happened that I can talk to you about.

Nothing. Nothing exciting. 

Oh, except I did go live in the Facebook group. [00:01:00] I did go live in the Facebook group and I was talking about something new that I'm launching. It's very exciting. 

It is a body positive photo shoot experience. It is going to be amazing. It is going to be, well, I won't go into all the details.

So if you want to know more about it, go and watch the live in the Facebook group. I'll release some details properly in the next couple of weeks, but, if you want to know the details before then, go into the Facebook group and watch the recording of the live. It's going to be so exciting. 

We're going to have a photo shoot. It's going to be plus sized. It's going to be body positive. It's going to be in a really beautiful house. You're going to be wined and dined for the day. You're going to be pampered. You're going to have these beautiful photos taken and it's just going to be brilliant. 

So if you want to know more before I release it officially, you want to get on the wait list for the information then go into the Facebook group and watch the live. 

My throat [00:02:00] is struggling because of the, obviously the illness that I've been suffering with. So apologies if it gets a bit croaky, but I'll do my best to still talk to you. 

And That's it. I've got nothing else. Nothing else from these last week and a half that I can talk to you about. So I may as well just get on with it, right?

There is always. Some sort of reason to lose weight, isn't there? It's New Year, or it's Spring, and you've got the change of wardrobe coming out. It's Summer, and you're getting ready for your beach body, you know, beach body diet. Or maybe you're getting ready for Christmas, and then off we go again.

It's January. It's peak diet pressure season. Ads are all over the TV, leaflets coming through the door, diet clubs everywhere, everywhere. 

[00:03:00] Maybe even the celebs you've thought have been upholding the body positive message. Seem to be slipping away from it. Lizzo, I'm looking at you. I know, have you seen that? Lizzo seems to be losing weight.

What's that all about? What's that all about? I haven't looked into it, because, you know, weight is one of those things that's not really of our concern. But, when there's a celebrity that you've been following, that you think upholds that body positive message, it can be a bit disappointing sometimes to see that they're losing weight.

Maybe she's losing weight intentionally, maybe she's not, who knows, but it can make your faith in the message wobble a little bit, can't it, when it's like that. And here you are working on your positive mindset.

Here you are trying to do intuitive eating because you know, it's the best thing for you to [00:04:00] become more body positive, to appreciate yourself more for who you are without needing to lose weight, right? But it's so hard. It's so hard, the pressure is big and you feel it and you feel that pressure throughout the year, but right now, it seems like all your friends, all your families, your colleagues, everybody around you is just adding to that pressure, right?

Every woman and their dog is on some kind of new year health kick and they're losing weight. They are doing really well. You might not realize it, but actually you'll be feeling the pressure more when it's people around you, when it's people close to you, when they're having, these results because of a thing called the halo effect.

It's a phenomenon that occurs when people take action because of somebody else's actions and studies show that this applies to weight [00:05:00] loss and. it could be for a lot of reasons, really. It could be motivation. This could be because you want the same things. It could be, um, a confidence thing could be cause you're seeing new methods and you're learning, trying to take them on board.

So whatever it is for you, it's no wonder that it feels tough right now. And you're feeling the pressure right now.

So let's put all of this into context. Let's take back the power. Let's come back to the progress you've made with your mindset around all of this. Let's have a think about what it actually really means.

For starters, when we say people are doing really well, what does that actually really mean? When we think people doing well in terms of dieting and weight loss, we usually think of things like big weight loss, fast [00:06:00] weight loss. Willpower around food. Sticking to a new exercise plan. Looking happier in themselves. Looking healthier.

You know that, that glow. Buying new clothes and shouting from the rooftops about their changes in dress sizes. But what that actually translates as is, more often than not, very restrictive eating, looking like they've got willpower, but actually they're struggling, they're binge eating, they're evening eating, they're secret eating, they're having cheat days.

You know, if you've got to have a cheat day, then that's not an actual sustainable way of eating, is it? Or they're overexerting themselves with an exercise plan that's not sustainable. Um, maybe they're outwardly happy, but That enjoyment is [00:07:00] very short lived. It'll be short lived. 

And yes, they might be buying new clothes, but I'm betting that they will add them to the collection of yo yo clothes that sometimes you fit into ,and sometimes you don't. You lose weight, you buy new clothes. You gain that weight back, they go in a box. You lose some weight, you dig the clothes out. You know, yo yo, yo yo clothes.

So when you really look at what the reality is, are they really doing well? Remember too, that big early weight loss is not fat loss. More often than not, it's a big shed of water. So when you restrict food, when you're on a diet, more often than not it's the carbs that get cut the most. Whether you're counting calories, whether you're cutting carbs, specifically cutting carbs,

it's the carbs that get the big hit, because that's quite often where a lot of the calories are. [00:08:00] And when you cut carbs, it forces the body to use glycogen stores that are in the body, and every glycogen molecule has got three molecules of water attached to it. So if you're using the glycogen, you're also losing the water that comes with it.

Does that make sense? 

So that initial fat loss isn't actually that impressive now, is it? Because now we know that for every little bit of glycogen loss we've lost a whole load of water.

And those early losses, they don't last. The eating habits, the restriction, the exercise, the not socializing, not going out, not having the food you enjoy. It just doesn't last. And boredom sets in, and novelty wears off. And exercise becomes a chore, right? 

And of course, this [00:09:00] all adds to what we already know about the problems in dieting. Like the body's drive to be a set weight. You know, there's this weight set point that our body naturally wants to be at. Your body's always going to fight to get back to that. It's the way that the body tries to counteract the restriction by making you binge, right? It's the long term effects of weight cycling. We know that weight cycling, the yo yo dieting, It's really problematic for our health and our well being.

But even if we know all of that, when the pressure is there, it doesn't stop us wanting the losses other people are having. I absolutely understand that. So how do we deal with that? How do we deal with the emotions? How do we deal with the comparison that we feel between us and when somebody else is losing weight around us?

How [00:10:00] do we deal with that?

First off, I want you to know that it's okay to want to lose weight. When the world around you is shouting from the rooftops that you should be thinner, you should be smaller, you can see why you would. The world is not geared up for bigger bodies. They are an afterthought. Facilities, clothes shops, cinemas, theatres, transport.

It's all more suitable for smaller, cis sized people. So if you want to lose weight, I get it. I really get it. It is normal. Your feelings are real and they are valid.

Remember why you stopped dieting though. Remember why you chose intuitive eating. Remember why you decided to work on improving your body confidence. Was it to [00:11:00] stop binge eating? Was it to eat a better variety of foods? Was it to understand more about how your body wants to eat, rather than mindlessly wanting to follow a plan?

Was it to have a better relationship with exercise? Was it to feel better about your body? Was it so that you could learn to look in the mirror and like what you see? Was it just to feel more confident all around? Was it to stop thinking about food every waking moment? Was it to write the message that fat bodies have no place in the world and actually show people the truth?

How many of those do you want? Do you want them more than you want to follow a diet plan?

You might be feeling a range of things right now. Jealousy, anger, upset, [00:12:00] frustration, loss, desperation, but use those emotions, right? Use them as a strength, use them as a power. Turn them from a negative into a positive, use them as tools to help you buck the trends and be your own person. 

And get angry at diet culture, get really mad at the messaging.

Use that fire in your belly to start doing what you want and you need for yourself. If you're feeling up to it, if you feel like you've got the voice, start spreading those messages too.

Talk about it with friends. Talk about it with family. Talk about it with colleagues. Talk about it on social media. People talk about their diets all the time. It's so boring. So boring, right? So change the conversation. Change it into something much more interesting.

Set boundaries with what [00:13:00] is and isn't acceptable to talk about around you. Protect your progress. Protect your mindset. If people are talking about their eating habits, and it's triggering you, ask them not to. Or remove yourself from the conversation.

If people are talking about how much better it is to know that they're thinner, and it's upsetting you, ask them not to. And even if it isn't upsetting you, You can let them know some truths, right? Start educating them. One person today. One person learning a bit today. One person the next day. One person the next day. And before you know it, the world's views are changing, right?

Let's start a revolution. Let's get everybody talking about intuitive eating and not dieting.

Find a place where you can express your feelings. It's really good to find people that you can share your emotions with. Get [00:14:00] support from and build an alliance with. My Facebook group, really great place to do that. Come and join the people in there who get it. And if you want a more close knit community and my support, why not join my group coaching membership, Eat From Within.

Celebrate your wins. Celebrate all of them, no matter how small. Because they're important. When you're on a diet, you can celebrate weight loss. The inches that you lose, the clothes sizes you drop, that sort of thing. And it can be really hard to know what to celebrate when you don't have a diet plan and you don't have the typical diet related, um, results, shall we say.

But I have some ideas on what you can celebrate instead. So I have another episode on this. Go and look it up. There's lots of information there about the things that you can celebrate as an intuitive eater, as somebody who's body [00:15:00] confident. There's loads of ideas there, so go look that episode up.

Take a look and then come back to me. Tell me what you're celebrating.

Maintain your own good body image and your beliefs around food. Follow body positive social media. Talk with like minded friends. Read blogs and articles that are size inclusive. Make it a daily practice to have some kind of affirmation of your body, appreciation for your body, a reminder daily that you are doing what's right for you, your mental health, your physical health, all of that.

And January is a time where everybody is on this self improvement kick, isn't it? And you can still do that. I know you get fresh energy in the new year. You get fresh motivation and you can use that, [00:16:00] but you can do it in a different way. So start to learn more about yourself. Get really interested, really dig into why your thoughts are there.

What you're thinking, what your beliefs are,

why you have them, what they mean. You know, are they thoughts that have been given to you? By other people, are there things you've grown up believing and thinking? Are they thoughts that you've learned from people at diet clubs? Are they beliefs that have been given to you by people around you? Are they beliefs that have been given to you by the world around you?

Are they your thoughts? Are they somebody else's thoughts? Really start thinking about that and you can start to question things. Get really interested, super critical about these things. And. Ask questions about why, [00:17:00] why you think these things and ask, do they help you or hinder you?

If they help you, you can keep them. If they hinder you, you can change them. Self development can be so empowering. Um, my journal prompt subscription is a really great way to do that work, by the way. 

I give you a new journal prompt every day, comes into your emails and it helps you consider your views. It helps you consider the way you see things, the way you think about things, the way you think about life, your wellbeing, your happiness, the prompts are all designed around that. So it's a really great time now to join and start to get that new daily habit of self exploration. It'll really change the way that you see things. 

The link for that's in the show notes. It's only £7 a month, £7 a month [00:18:00] for all this bloody brilliant work that you're going to do on yourself. Awesome.

But at the end of the day, don't panic. It is January, right? Even if you're coming back to this later in the year and it's not January anymore, still don't panic. Because the pressure dies down, the buzz around you dies down, the advertising wanes, the pressure eases. 

People start to fall off their diet wagons. It doesn't matter what time of year somebody starts a diet, the initial novelty is short lived. And there are people who do die hard lifelong dieting of course there are, but there's also a lot of failures in dieting. And by failures, I don't mean the person has failed. I mean, the diet has failed the person.

The diet has really done the person a misjustice.

[00:19:00] The diet is not sustainable. The diet is damaging. The diet creates these unreal expectations that we have for ourselves. And there are so many people that experience that. So you're not alone if you feel like you've failed on a diet. The diet's failed you, not the other way around. 

So yes, there might be people who stay on diets forever and a day. Do you want to be that person? Do you want to be the person still sat in a diet club 30 years later? You know, sat at the back of the room, having a cuppa with your mates, cause it's a bit of a social, and you've really not lost weight since the start because you've gained a bit and lost a bit, you know, that sort of thing.

All that goes by the wayside. Nobody there is achieving what they intended to achieve when they started that club. And I know you're going to say that there are [00:20:00] people go to diet clubs who do really well, they lose a lot of weight and they keep it off. Now, a lot of those people will keep it off because they're on some kind of maintenance plan with their diet club.

And that means that what they're having to do is spend their entire life on a diet to stay at that weight. To stay at that size. Again, they might be finding it sustainable, but do you want to be that person? Do you want to be the person that lives their whole life having achieved this arbitrary goal figure on the scales, but you've got a live in restriction to stay there?

I don't want to be that person. Sounds like a life of misery to me. That's why I quit.

And even the people who come off their diets and manage to keep that weight loss off, they're very [00:21:00] few and far between. Very few and far between. I'm willing to bet that most people who have stopped a diet club that you know, will have regained a lot of weight. There are people everywhere that are in that situation.

I quite often see people that I went to diet clubs with. They've regained the weight. There's a lot of people on the TV that have been celebrated in the past for big weight loss. They've put it all back on. I can think of a few instantly. I'm not going to name names because we're not doing body comparison things, but the reality is that where there is one person that may have lost weight and kept it off, there are many, many, many more that have not.

So don't put all the focus onto the people that are the one in a million, you know.

So this pressure will ease, people will start [00:22:00] to fall off these wagons. While meanwhile, you're all good. Because you didn't get on a wagon to fall off it. You were just continuing your intuitive eating journey, continuing your body confidence journey, living stress free around food, at least. I don't think we can ever escape the stress in our lives can we, but you know, you've taken the pressure of the food stress away and you're enjoying everything that this body positive attitude to life has to offer. 

Because it's good, right? When you've got this body positive attitude, you just go out and you do things and you have experiences and you advocate for yourself and you, you put things in place so that you can go and do the things that you want to do. 

So not having that wagon to fall off is awesome. Having [00:23:00] this body positive approach to life is awesome. It's such a good place to be, right? 

And I'd really love to support you. Whether that's in the free Facebook group, whether that's in the group coaching membership, I love the group, by the way, you should really join.

Um, the women in there are amazing. I know I'm bigging it up because it's my group, but it's lovely. It's such a lovely place to be. so yeah, whether you're in the free Facebook group, whether you're in Eat From Within, whether you're having personal coaching with me, I'm here for you, there's lots of ways I can support you.

So let's do things differently this year right. I want to support you. I want to celebrate you and I want to support you in this new year motivation. How does that sound? 

So now that initial question that we asked about why everybody else is losing weight [00:24:00] around you and how to deal with that, I hope that's a bit clearer now because I don't care that everybody else around is losing weight.

It means nothing. It really means nothing. It means nothing to me in my life. Happier in the body I'm in, with the stress free relationship with food that I have, and just living my life without being all consumed by it. Let me know what you think.

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