110. Finding your voice with Caroline Sherrard

What does it actually mean to ‘find your voice’?

In this guest episode, I had a very enriching chat with the wonderful Caroline Sherrard, founder of Quiet Power Coaching, who empowers individuals to find their authentic voice and confidently share their message. She believes everyone can leave an impact through their words, guiding us to embrace vulnerability and connect with power. 

We talked about many, many things, like self-discovery and personal growth, including:

✨  Discovering inner kindness

✨  Remembering who you truly are. No masks, no scripts, just you. 

✨  Understanding the mind-body connection

✨  Embracing intuition, vulnerability, and self-compassion

✨ Becoming fully present and overcoming negativity to find your true voice

✨ Learning to appreciate and navigate the unique journey of personal growth

Bonus: Caroline offers FREE coaching sessions to kickstart your journey of self-discovery. Trust me, you’ll love her. 

Tune in to learn how to bloom into your fullest, most vibrant version. 

Be your own cheerleader, and speak to you soon. 

Transcript

 A quick heads up before you start reading..... My transcriptions are automatically generated. I do not type them manually. For this reason there may be errors, incorrect words, bad spelling, bad grammar, and other things that just seem a little 'off'. You'll still be able to understand what is being said though, so please just ignore that and enjoy the episode.

[00:00:00] 

Uh, today I'm talking to the very wonderful Caroline Sherrard. I'm so happy that you're here, Caroline. I seem to have had a string of things happening at home that has meant I have had to rearrange a lot of my recordings for this, so I'm really glad you're here. It's taken a little while, but we're here and we're ready, right?

Right. And thank you. Yes, I'm really delighted to be here and thank you for the invitation. 

Oh, you're welcome. You're welcome. Before we get recording, I'm just going to say for the sake of people watching and listening to this, it is blowing a hoolie outside. And if that can be picked up in the recording and I can't get rid of it, then sorry, everybody's just going to have to put up with it because we're not rearranging this again.

Also my neighbor has decided to knock down the wall in his garden today outside so that may also make an appearance, but we're just going to ignore it, right? 

Noises galore. It's all part of it. 

Isn't it? It's all part of the fun.[00:01:00] Caroline, start by introducing yourself. Tell everybody what you do, who you are, what you do, and yeah, your speciality.

Okay, thank you. Well, let me start with a story. So, picture this. I'm sitting in my lounge and the phone goes. Now, my memory of it is I'm sitting on the floor. I don't know why, but I have a habit of sitting on the floor. And the phone goes with a manager of a coaching organisation I've recently joined.

So, she's there, I know her a little, we're talking and passing the pleasantries. And then she says, in effect, she asked me to leave. I've only been with a few weeks with this organisation. So I can't remember what she says. I can picture her there with her long blonde hair, really nice, but she's asked me to leave.

So I ask her, can I ask you why? And she says, you're not comfortable in your [00:02:00] skin. The body blow. The words went deep. Why did they go deep? Because I recognised it was true. I didn't know who I was, what I wanted. I was lost. Even though I joined this organisation, it actually didn't feel right, so that bit was a blessing.

Now that was years ago. I'd love to tell you I had an overnight magic abracadabra and the next day I was comfortable in my skin or I discovered this incredible technique. But that wasn't quite the case. It's taken me years and I'm certainly still on the journey. But I'm a coach, and along the way I've always worked with people.

I originally worked in, in human resources and along the way, I've done a lot of different trainings and had a lot of experiences. And what I help people nowadays with is having greater capacity for the next stage, the next chapter in their life. So that means that they're going to be [00:03:00] making decisions that are in alignment with who they are.

They're going to know themselves better. And they're going to have greater fulfillment. So I do that in three ways. That's quiet power coaching. That's my business name. And I do this in three ways. Actually, I do it in lots of ways. But one of three ways is short term clarity coaching. So one to four sessions where we work with getting unstuck or with a passion, a project, a new business, and we help with greater clarity

about the direction of moving forward. Then there's the ongoing coaching, which as I say is the deep, insightful, intuitive coaching that helps people to create the life they want. And then the third way is speak from your heart. And that's a new thing for me. Uh, so I have never found speaking in front of people very easy.

Even though years ago, actually, I did some coaching with some managers [00:04:00] and then last year I had the opportunity to do a TEDx in my hometown. So I'm standing on the red circle. It's meant to be the pinnacle of your career. And in the online world, people are like, oh you've done a TedX. Only I'm a heap of jelly and my legs are shaking and my heart isn't just beating, but it's like, I can hear it.

And afterwards, when the talk came out, instead of. Sharing it online as all my fellow speakers did, I was like, oh no, it wasn't good enough. It took me a whole month to share it because that critic was so harsh. So I thought, enough! I really do need to sort out this fear of public speaking and being in front of others.

So I went on a journey. And along the way in discovering and uncovering my authentic voice and style, I've also been helping others with that. To have more authenticity, more clarity, particularly those who are, uh, [00:05:00] unconfident in front of others or thinking they're unconfident and nervous and shy, because I know that, but anyone.

So that's a little bit about my journey and what I do. Speak from your heart and quiet power coaching. 

I love it. I get lost. I've said this to you before. I get absolutely lost in you when you talk. You are the absolute perfect person to help somebody to bring this confidence out. I love talking to you.

I love listening to you. And of course, your work fits in really lovely with my listeners, because so much of what we struggle with is confidence and having our own voice and being comfortable putting ourselves in front of people. 

The TEDx is a great example. That's, uh, that's pretty incredible, isn't it, doing a TEDx and it's real shame that your memories of that are now the nerves and how long it took you to share it and things like that. It's almost [00:06:00] like you needed. future Caroline to be there and give past Caroline a little bit of coaching, isn't it, to bring that out. So all walks of life.

Confidence affects all walks of life. Your day to day with your family, the way you behave at work, the way you socialize, it's all wrapped up in this confidence and something you've recently, reasonably recently, am I right, qualified in is embodiment. So do you want to explain that and what that is? 

Yes. So I did my coach training years ago, and this year I've upgraded it in two ways. I've done a coaching embodiment certificate. I've also done a short trauma skills certificate.

I feel they're related, where I didn't understand how much I was holding in the body. And while I wanted to do the trauma skills for developing my [00:07:00] understanding in working with people, though I'm not looking to be a trauma specialist, of course there was a huge amount actually on my own journey in that.

The embodiment is the way we are holding ourselves in our body, but it's not body language. That's more like, Oh, if I do this, like it. So finding your voice and public speaking, we're often taught techniques that are what to do with your body in a body language way. Embodiment is actually what's happening in the body in a deeper way.

And normally if someone says to me, what's happening in your body, I would say, oh, um, I feel a little bit nervous. But this is about taking it deeper. Well, what's actually happening? Oh, I notice this tension in my stomach. And in getting more in touch with our body, firstly it helps, very, very busy mind, to start relaxing.[00:08:00] 

Secondly, it kind of helps with the, the mind body connection. And thirdly, we, there's a lot of debate about this. Do we store stuff in our body, our minds? I'm not sure there's anything so definitive, but I do know that the difference of when we learn about breathing and about what's happening in our body, usually to do with sensations and feelings and certainly my experience and most people's experience is a mix of numbing.

And food has actually been one of my examples, but it's a lot of people's, or drink, or shopping, retail therapy, whatever. So that avoidance, trying to numb it. Or the avoidance of like, pushing ahead. Which is part of what my TEDx was about, how we push, try to push through a comfort zone. As though that will solve everything, because out the other side, there's going to be this happiness.

If I just have this [00:09:00] one chocolate bar, I'll feel better. And oddly enough, it doesn't last because it's not based on anything. So when we come back to our body, for me it's been like a, almost like having lived a lot in my head. I just got this image in this moment of a tree where the leaves and the branches are like, Oh yes, I get fun and scattered and I'll go and do this and this, but there's no tree trunk and roots.

And it's like coming back into the body. I experience what I'm doing, not just think about the experience. Does that make sense? Yeah, 

I think so. There's a lot, uh, the thing that I was thinking when you were talking about the difference between body language and embodiment is body language feels very much like the message of fake it till you make it.

but which is just a big front, a big facade, a big, [00:10:00] you know, it doesn't really matter. Just have the body language, stand tall, smile, be confident, be powerful. Whereas the embodiment is very much the, the inner, uh, the inner reassurance, the inner understanding, the, the understanding of what it feels like physically.

Is that right? Have I got the differences right? 

So beautifully explained. So what you're saying is, is like, when we put the techniques on, and, and I have to say sometimes, you know, speaking, it's worth knowing that your positive forward has a different effect than your positive back, and you know, these things are helpful, but what you're talking about is though that, that kind of putting on.

It's the outside of what I think I have to do. And then you so beautifully talked about the inner world and that inner out is what actually starts to create the sustainability. The [00:11:00] things that, the roots, the chance we've got of increasing our resilience and our capacity. Otherwise, and I know from experience, we're chasing kind of on quicksand.

At least that's how it felt to me. It might feel something else to someone else. They may have a different metaphor, but it, it's like that, any of the metaphors that get used a lot, like the hamster wheel running on the spot, you know, those phrases have come about for a reason. But if you think about how much we, we talk about the body, your gut feel, what is it for your heart wants, we already know how much our body has wisdom.

Yeah, I'm, I'm a firm believer in that. I mean, I've done, I haven't done actual specific embodiment coaching, but I have done a lot of reading around things like the way that your body will express things, on a physical level, even right from when we're [00:12:00] very young. A lot of children, if they're nervous of something or worried about something or anxious in some way, we'll say they've got tummy ache and they have tummy ache.

They do, but that's their, their physical signs for them of their feelings and their emotions. So I, I completely, I completely understand. I think, I think, I think I understand. Yeah. How, how it transpires and, and if you can get a grip on what you're feeling, what it means for you, then you can start to work with it and move forward.

Where do people start? I mean, so for my clients, for example, a lot of the feelings, both physically and emotionally, have for such a long time been cast aside, pushed down. They've been told to feel a certain [00:13:00] way physically. They've been taught to ignore their physical feelings. They've been taught to ignore the emotional feelings.

How do you start to get back into touch with that? Where do you go to start this work? That's a massive question, isn't it? Sorry. 

It's great. And I don't have a model I follow. So some people do. Some people have a, a clear structural model. What's most important to me is where someone is, what's going on for them.

And we start there. Right. And move. So, when I was doing a load of personal development, all the thing was, what do you want, let's get you there, go for your goals, push through, and I personally got exhausted. There wasn't anything sustainable. So acknowledge, because we think we shouldn't acknowledge where we are, don't want to feel where I am, I want to be somewhere else.

But the message we're telling ourselves then is huge. It's like where you are isn't good enough. So there's no [00:14:00] exceptions. There's no starting here. I'm trying to be somewhere else. So I'm already disconnecting from my body, my experience, my aliveness. So where we start is where someone is. And I don't just do embodiment, but I think more and more, I feel it was a missing piece for me because it was like I was disconnected at the neck and I could conceptualize, but I wasn't, it was like it wasn't landed.

I don't know if you've heard the phrase, which I really like, the journey of the head to the heart. I feel that's the journey that, well, this planet needs. It, it's, it's coming into the, the body and the opening of the heart that allows us to make choices that make sense to us, not ones that we've been programmed.

So I can't remember your question, I don't know whether I've answered it, because like, well then just suddenly what comes to mind, start off on a roll and. 

I know. It's funny, isn't it? I do much the [00:15:00] same. Somebody will ask me something and then I'll go off on this tangent because that's interesting and it's just the way the work goes, I think.

It's just the way your mind goes because you're thinking about all these possibilities. Um, uh, yes, I was saying about how, how do we start? How do we start to find those feelings again? How do we start to get in touch with us, with how we're feeling and how we attach that to our emotions and that sort of thing?

So we're starting where people are. 

Starting where people are and exploring there. But actually what we're doing, and this is again I, it's something I, um, found difficult to find people who could help me with this, and I'm still only learning at the importance of this, is being with someone at their pace.

And that is helping them to uncover, to discover through powerful questions, through reflection back, through exploring what's happening for them in a way that is safe, that is insightful. that helps them to, because you do still need to meet the mind. [00:16:00] The mind, most people like to understand and get what the logic is.

And although our emotions aren't logical, there is some sense of logic in that they've arrived when we were young, the way our behaviors for coping because from a particular incident or identity or trying to avoid something. So in all of that, There is a so called logic, but of course we're not acting very rationally most of the time.

Um, so, so it's, it's both a magnifying glass to, to help explore and, um, a very gentle mirror. But we do mix with that, although I said earlier, be careful about going straight for what you want without acknowledging where you are. You also look what someone wants. So if you don't want to feel this discomfort or this urgency that I've just got to act on this feeling that's just come up, what do you want?

What will help you to [00:17:00] settle just a little bit? And I love the questions of exploring what's 5 percent more of peace look like for you if it's peace you want or whatever. Because I think I'm imagining that a lot of people around diets and food and certainly my experience has been, it's either do it all, I'm just going to binge now, or then I mustn't have any.

And we find it very difficult to, and of course that's what you do so beautifully is help people back to like, well, maybe you can, maybe you can listen to what your body wants. So in a way, that's also what I'm doing is exploring what is someone's right way for them. 

Yeah, in coaching In traditional, the all encompassing sense of the word coaching, the view is moving forward. And there is definitely a place for looking back and [00:18:00] what has happened in the past and where feelings and thoughts and things have come from.

But I love the work. in helping somebody look forward and move forward. And even if it's not massive goals, just let's move a step further away from what we don't want and closer towards what we do want. So I really like what you said about having the 5%. What if you could have 5 percent more of the things that you want?

I really, I really like that method of thinking. 

Well many people have been so good at letting the past dictate what they think the future is going to be. So, there's something though about seeing what's already gone well. The bit about the past that has been helpful.

So what are the strengths, even in adversity, even in Doing the behaviours you don't want. What is that letting you know about you? What are your, um, the times [00:19:00] things have gone well? Who have you been? What are the qualities? And I think that taking forward of what's already working well. Again, otherwise people can get a bit black and white and forget there's a whole history that actually it's worth embracing.

And the other thing is the present. More and more I'm seeing that's where the healing is and that's where the increased capacity is. Because the more we're able to be present The mind settles. We have space to hear, actually, I can make a decision that makes sense rather than it's one that's come from a panic or I must do this.

And, and it's totally different. There's a total different quality of feeling there. And that's what we're after. That, that quality of feeling that is nourishing and heartwarming and feels you and aligned.

It's hard bringing everything [00:20:00] into the now, isn't it? It's such, um, it's such a unique thing to be able to do, to bring everything into the now without any of the past, even though I completely agree with what you said about, you know, what has worked well, what has affected you from the past, but also the, without the, well, I need to be moving forward.

I need to be doing this. I need to be going there. To just be now. and in the present and focusing on that and what you are and what your strengths are and, you know, everything about where you are now. It's very difficult to isolate. Well, I, I feel that it is. I think it's a tough thing to do to take all the consideration of the past and the future out and just try and focus on now.

I don't have a question. It's just a comment. 

Hugely, I mean, that's in a way why we've got some of the issues we have because you're either kind of looking backwards or [00:21:00] you're trying to race ahead. We don't have that capacity to share with one another very well from a young age of what it's like to slow down and be present.

And so when busy kind of going, well, which bit of the past should I do? Should I reject or should I not? And which bit am I going forward with? And hold on, I better make another list. Yeah, it's like. So yes, it's that ability to notice. I think that's the biggest thing I'm studying in my coaching is about helping people to notice what's happening.

That in itself helps us to get more present, but without then the analysis, without then the, Oh, so that means I better do well if I, again, no, cause that's taking us back into our head. Yeah, it is. And how do we help ourselves to slow down enough that we are experiencing the experience in our body, not a conceptual idea of our feelings?

That's, I think, part of what we're talking [00:22:00] about. 

And even to be able to recognize those feelings as how do I put this to be able to recognize that the physical things that you're feeling are linked to the emotions that you're feeling as well to, to be able to piece together the emotional and the physical, it's like a big jigsaw puzzle, isn't it? All these different things that you have to start recognizing, acknowledging, working with, either keeping or removing it.

It's a big old, it's a big old jigsaw puzzle, isn't it? It is. I was, I was thinking while you were talking about A couple of clients of mine, funnily enough, who get a little bit wobbly when they start to delve into the feelings, the emotions, the actual things that are going on inside. Because for them, it's easier to put up the front,

as it is for a lot of us, it's easier to just [00:23:00] push it down, just keep pushing it down and, and it's fine. So when you work with people and particularly around the embodiment side of things. How do you encourage that feeling of safety in order to bring that through and start working with it rather than pushing it down?

Is that a question you can answer ? 

That's a great question. I like the word resourcing. So helping people to have a sense of where they are resourced, when they are resourced, what experience, what it feels like to be resourced in your body. The more we get to know that, then we build a capacity to go to those scary feelings.

Um, so, and it will work slightly differently with different people. On the trauma skills course I did, I've got a couple of lovely exercises. One is just simple , art therapy feelings and creating a pie chart of your [00:24:00] feelings. It's called the feelings wheel.

But there are others like creating your safe space, um, artistically or somatically, meaning of the body. And partly again, what might suit someone. So there are, although I say normally I don't do a lot of exercises or processes, there are some simple things like that.

But even helping someone to say, well, when was a time where actually you felt good about a decision, or you felt what you had done was, um, a sense of you? And what are the, because I don't like to give the people the word. So what are some words that would describe that? How is that in your body? And helping them to, um, calibrate that, to get a sense of that in their body.

Then that can be one way to then say, and what does that, to get to know feelings. And then the conversation about, well those are feelings that feel good, but actually they're sensations. [00:25:00] We're giving them the label whether they're good or bad. What are they? I mean, you talked earlier about children with, um, stomach pains, which is a very common one when they're feeling anxious.

And as adults, we might call it butterflies. You hear that a lot when it comes to public speaking. The nerves are, I've got butterflies in my stomach just before. And what we actually mean is, there's a fluttering. And it's been named butterflies, but actually it's like a, a sensation that that's moving back and forth in my stomach, which technically probably means that there are some muscles that are tensing and not, but people use different language.

They might call it energy or so tend to go with what someone's saying. If someone's quite practical and grounded, they'll be talking about perhaps their muscles or if they're used to that, worked out a lot in the gym and they were aware of their body. Someone else might be at the feelings level. Someone else might talk about their aura and energy.

It's being, helping people to recognise that, but also bring it [00:26:00] back and saying, well, what does safety look like? What does it feel like? And how is it in your body when you're safe? The quickest thing I do with people, which about 95 percent love, feel your feet now. Feel your feet in this moment and get used to that.

And that helps the thoughts to relax a little bit. I've got one client who found it so helpful that every time she went into a meeting, every time she goes into a meeting, she noticed her feet were always crossed or just, um, moving a lot. And what she does is literally uncross her feet. brings her awareness into her feet and she feels more centered and then that slows her down.

So then she's able to think more clearly to speak in a way where she starts to be heard. And that simple thing, which is an embodiment thing of physicality affects [00:27:00] the speed of her thinking and then how clear she is speaking in the meeting, speaking up in the meeting. It's amazing how, what a change it made for her.

So sometimes it can be, we look for very complicated things. So which bit of my body am I meant to be doing? And it's often the, the, just getting that awareness of knowing what works for us. Yeah. 

What a clever little technique that is. I think of it as grounding. So, if things are a little bit uneasy, a little bit wobbly, it might be the same for, for that person that you're talking about to plant your feet flat on the floor, to get the feel for the floor.

It's very grounding, isn't it? But what a clever little bit of recognition to see that every time she goes into these meetings, she sits with her feet crossed or, or they're always moving, that sort of thing. Just to have an awareness of the way that her body is in that moment allows her to change, [00:28:00] change her disposition, change her thinking.

It's amazing. Absolutely amazing. 

Terri, it's, it's kind of blows me. The simplest thing, like I can put my body like this saying, well, you know, I feel, and then the fake it as you make it will say, well stand like this or stand like this and then you know you can go in and you can do that. But how about we let your body do what it wants?

What's the difference going like this to like this? Oh, actually I can breathe a little bit more. Okay. What happens now if I bring a bit more breath into the body? Oh, actually, I'm not getting the rush into my head quite so much, telling me what I could and couldn't do and what I good or bad person I am.

It's just, of course it's, it's simple, but as they say, not always easy because of the habits that we've got that are so entrenched. 

This we're taught when we were young. 

Oh, I agree. There's so much, there's so much that I know now [00:29:00] as a coach and having spoken to a lot of different styles of coaches.

There's so much that I've learned as an adult. And actually a more mature adult as well, not even in my twenties, for example, so much that I wish I knew many years ago because, okay, it might not have changed a lot of the experiences that I've had, but it would have given me confidence when I needed it.

It might have helped me to not have an eating disorder. There's so much more. It might have affected personal relationships in having the power to say what was right and wrong for me. There's so many ways that it impacts your life, isn't it? The way you're able to, to work with this.

Yeah, I, I call it increased capacity. I mean, the popular word nowadays is, is resilience. And resilience is more that bounce back ability. Like something happens, how quickly can you bounce back and [00:30:00] continue? and I see capacity as having almost like a balloon of expanding or that elastic band of gently expanding.

And when we, we try too much, it, it snaps or when it goes in, then there's actually not much expansion. So being able to have the capacity to handle life's ups and downs. It's, it, it, Around confidence, I see more and more. It's actually the confidence to be able to handle things. We think we want it all peaceful and, and everything's going to be okay.

And I'm actually, my life is good if it's all packed up in a beautiful package with a lovely bow and it looks and feels great. Ultimately, that doesn't feel very alive. So what we really want is capacity, the ability. who handle the ups and downs without it going on track, without us falling off track and with [00:31:00] a sense of opening and aliveness and embracing that creates growth because we all want to grow.

That's ultimately what that aliveness comes from, the personal growth. 

I heard somebody earlier in another podcast, actually, funnily enough, say, um, they call it, let me think, flexible strength. So we're taught to have strength, but to not be rigid about that is what we're trying to achieve. So that's what I, when you were describing the balloon.

Essentially, that's what I saw as a strength to be able to handle situations, but the ability to kind of stretch, you know, and then come back as you need to with the situations that you're dealing with. 

Can I offer an alternative view? Yeah, absolutely. Personal concern with the word [00:32:00] strength and that be strong is then we think it's a problem when we're feeling vulnerable.

And that's one of the things around emotions and feelings. And I'm not meant to feel because I've been told I need to be strong. You know, when even on Facebook, when someone's going through something difficult and they posted and shared a lot of the comments are the muscle emoji, be strong. You can do it.

You're strong. And I'm like, I get what, where that comes from, the strength to, to move through it. And that's what you meant by, that's what I think that person meant by flexible strength. My only concern is that that might be misinterpreted in our unconscious, subconscious as meaning I have to be strong.

Yeah. And therefore, I mustn't feel the feelings that don't feel good and don't feel strong because that's weak if I cry, if I'm vulnerable, and that's actually part of the issues around [00:33:00] public speaking. I mean, going back to my TEDx and you pointing out that, hey, what if your future self could say, you know, it's okay and actually well done.

The well done bit was being with that vulnerability. I was actually very present with what was happening in my body rather than pretending it wasn't. And that was a new thing for me. Yeah. And I don't know how that fits in with people you work with because there's so much going on in the thinking and the mind.

How do we allow people their vulnerability, but also support them and encourage that you will be okay. You, you, or not even you will be okay. Cause I always find that it's like, we can't know if someone's going to be okay. But, um, no, um.

It isn't that they have to or that we have to be strong for this, it's that the strength comes from digging deep and in the inner, what are the, who are we in [00:34:00] this, what, what's actually happening, what are the qualities that are shining through as this is happening? 

I think that there is a battle between what we want inside of us, how we feel.

And even if we acknowledge that it's okay to feel those feelings, it's perfectly normal and we will find someone to talk to about it, I think there is massive external pressure. Like you say, all the comments, you know, be strong, that sort of thing. There's massive external pressure, which makes it difficult for people to talk about things.

So, for example, body confidence issues. Close friends might have conversation about how they don't feel good about themselves, how they don't feel good about their body, for example. You don't tend to hear that in a wider circle. In an office environment, for example, we will hear [00:35:00] loads of talk about dieting. It's very much about the diet, the weight loss, and the intention for that weight loss. So I'm going to a wedding or I want to fit into a dress for my Christmas party, that sort of thing. So the conversation is there. The focus is on the food and not on the body.

What you don't hear is somebody saying, I'm really dissatisfied with my body. I wish I had more body confidence. I wish I liked what I looked like. I wish I was more comfortable with my partner. I wish, you know, am I making sense? Complete sense. Okay. 

And you know, as you're saying that, Terri, I'm hearing the strength of saying that.

Mm hmm. So maybe there's a new definition of be strong. The be strong is to say, that speaks, that fits with my speak from your heart, the be strong is to share what's [00:36:00] actually happening with discernment when appropriate, because sometimes people can take it to the other thing and saying like, I'm sharing from the heart exactly what I think of you.

Well, no, that's not quite what I meant. Um, but But you then are giving some examples of what it's like to be present with your experience and to share honestly and openly. And that to me is the strength that I would love to nurture for us all, rather than the strength that ends up being a facade. And then it's far too scary for us to share honestly what's happening.

Yeah, even with our closest, sometimes, um, if you're in a position where you really dislike the way you look, you really have no body confidence, your self esteem is low, even to have that conversation with your partner, for example, who you share a bed with, um, you're intimate with, even to have that [00:37:00] conversation can be a really scary thing to do. 

It's a lot easier just to make excuses and diet and we'll make it better because I'll just change. I'll just change the way that I am. But wouldn't it be nice to just have the ability to have that conversation, to find the words to say to somebody, look, I really do not feel good about myself right now.

Or I don't like the way that I look and this is why, or I feel like you might think this about me. You know? 'cause everything is based on other people's opinions, isn't it, most of the time. So where do we go? Let, let's, can we talk about finding our words and using our words? And where do we go? How do we find that inner confidence?

How do we find the ability to start to say what we need to say to people? 

Well, you've given some great examples, and [00:38:00] I would start actually where it doesn't feel quite so vulnerable. Because the assumption is, well, I need to tell my partner, so I start there. But how about starting with the friend who's a good listener?

So start way, where you can. Um, there's, there's the classic of, of journaling or finding out ways that actually what's going on, because most of us have a little disconnect between what's going on around, around in the head. and what's actually happening in, in what we're expressing, so that's another way.

If you like it more formal, buddies where you have structured time. So it can be quite difficult sometimes to share when it's kind of like, I've got something I need to talk to you, or when's the right moment. So practicing where you've got someone, five minutes you talk, I'm only going to listen, five minutes you talk.

Now obviously that needs to be someone that you set up some safe guidelines and you feel structured with, and that's if you're not working [00:39:00] with a professional. That can help. The power of being heard. The other thing is to start practicing what it is that you need and want in small ways. So I'd really appreciate it if you could listen for a few minutes.

I've got this thing on my mind and maybe rather than problem solve with me, could we do a little bit of listening and then let's look at some solutions. That's a classic. We want to be heard but we actually get involved then in the nitty gritty of the detail. So practicing what, what it is that you would like.

The biggest way though is starting to listen to your own intuition. So slowing it down so that it comes out naturally, and you practice a little bit like I'm doing now, not knowing what's going to come out of your mouth, because it's not coming from the filing cabinet that you've got sort of securely and safely like this is this situation, [00:40:00] I'll pull this one out.

Yeah. And again, you do that in small ways. It's ongoing, but it also, I really encourage people not to feel like they have to sort out this out. That was my mistake. And once you are ready and open to find those incremental ways, you'll start noticing them. Where are the places? Who are the people? Um, so, so start getting clear about what it is you want.

I want to feel calmer. I want to feel more confident. Okay, I'm just going to stay open to how that might look.

So much to think about. My mind is whirring as you're talking. I'm like, this is all these things, all these things. Yeah. 

Well, let's drop the thinking and then that's the other thing is I can, I can say all that, but actually the quickest and easiest, not the simplest, um, is right now, let's drop the thinking.

What are you feeling? That practice in [00:41:00] itself is so enriching. 

Yeah, quite often I find that when I am in a session with somebody, it starts off as, um, what they think is one hurdle, one block to something. And then when you drill down and you say, why, why is it you're thinking that then something else comes out.

And where does that come from? And something else comes out. So actually when you stop the thinking about what you think is the issue the natural way plays its part, and yeah, and like you say, your intuition comes through and, and you start acting more on what you know inside you rather than knowing as constructed thoughts.

Exactly that. You know, I had a client the other day, and she's just said, I'm not the person I was six months ago. And when I think about what she came for, and what, how it's unraveled, it's not what she came for, it's not what she thought. [00:42:00] I mean, some are, but in taking a look at what is in the way, as you say, it kind of opens up and then what's bubbling underneath that we've squashed for whatever reasons comes out and it is like a, a lovely natural bubbling and then someone starts sparkling, they start seeing things differently, they have an insight, they make decisions like, she had a thing about money, and spending.

And she realized she went and bought a car without all the usual agony that it would have involved. Well, she didn't think through, I mustn't have agony, like she might have done in the past. And this is what must happen, mustn't. It was kind of only after, well in it a bit, but also after she went, Wow, this happened and this happened and this happened so differently than it would have done.

And it's that seamlessness that then gives you the sustainability.

Sometimes you've just got to let go of the [00:43:00] active trying to fix the, what you think is the issue and, and let happen what will happen. Um, that was a great example of going to buy the car. If you just get out of your own way, take away the things that you're worried might happen, that actually haven't yet.

even come to fruition, then you make way for, for really good things to come through rather than trying, essentially not trying to force it, but essentially what we do when we think that something is going to happen is more often than not, that will materialize. Because if you think that you're going to go somewhere and do something, be a nervous wreck, not be able to talk to the people that you need to talk to, that sort of thing, that comes to fruition because you've got yourself into that state before you've even got there, whereas actually if you can just let it be what it is and say, I'm going to go, we're going to, this is the situation, we're going to have this conversation and just see how it [00:44:00] flows, then it can be a really nice experience if you let it.

Which is actually bringing us full circle to being present. You know, you were saying earlier, it's quite hard to be present, that's it. And it is really hard when you're in your head, still trying to sort that out. Yeah, that ease that happens when, and I think that's why both, what we both do, helping people to have more awareness, but it doesn't stop at awareness.

Like the embodiment certificate I did that Mark Walsh did. Teacher there, which always talks about awareness and choice. So a lot of person is like, oh, we have the awareness. Well, that can still leave you quite stuck. If all you're doing is circling in the awareness. It's like, what, what does that awareness give you?

It gives me the choice to make different choices. Or to make the same choice because actually it was good last time. And not condemn myself. 

Something else that comes to mind is if you, if you do this work and you get yourself into a position [00:45:00] where you're able to reasonably comfortably , have a conversation with somebody about something say the worry of their response can, can stop you saying what you want to say quite often.

Do you have any words of wisdom for people who are worried about the response, not hearing what they want to hear, confrontation, that sort of thing. So they've mustered up the, the ability to have this conversation, but the thing that's now stopping them is worrying about what the response will be.

A number of things. I mean, there's the one of just working through it. What are the different responses and what, what is really you most worried or afraid of? But as always, everything starts with ourselves. So if I'm worried about someone's response, I'm really worried about being judged. And again, [00:46:00] speaking, it's often, well, I fear of being judged.

But it's never actually the fear of other people. Well, what are you worried about? But if I'm being judged, I'm, I'm not good enough. So who's judging you're not good enough? Oh, I'm judging me, that I'm going to actually mess this up. So we're not talking about your worry about, I mean, that's the surface thing.

So there's a lot of forgiveness, a lot of compassion, a lot of understanding about what's happening in your own judgments. And that is just key. It can fall away when you see there is no need for that judgment and is that really what you want? Is that helpful? No, but without judgment, because it's not an opportunity to go, well, you know, there I go again.

There's another thing to beat myself up with. Yeah. So the comfort with two people, it's very helpful to see the dynamic that's going on underneath because it's always the same. [00:47:00] If I'm talking to a client and they're talking about a relationship, it can be a work colleague or family or partner. And they're talking about the dynamic and then we go, so you're saying they're avoidant.

Yes, you know, blah, blah, blah. Okay, they avoid the conversation. Tell me how you avoid the conversation. We're like, oh, the dynamics always the same but might look different. Oh, well, they just walked away. Yes, but you said you meet, you move the meeting a lot or you were always busy, but I can't think of a good example, but it's that element of there's the same dynamic happening.

in both people, but they will usually, it will come out in different ways of behavior. And it can be really horrible, like to see it, but really helpful. It's that very, very gentle, tender. There's a lovely self help, self care pose. And you take [00:48:00] one hand under your arm and another, and you gently hug yourself.

And it's been shown to be a really helpful, soothing, relax the body. And as part of your preparation for a difficult conversation, it might be doing that sort of thing. Like, okay, I need the system where it's got into fright and flight or froze. To the body, my system, to feel a little more relaxed.

So what would 5 percent more relaxed look like? And what would I say from that place? And the words are usually different. Or the words aren't different, but the tone is. The place I'm coming from is kinder and more loving of myself and of the other person. So it's, it's that, yeah, place we're coming from within ourselves.

Yeah, words like kindness and compassion and care are so important because[00:49:00] this work that we are constantly doing to try and, I don't want to say improve or better ourselves, that's not what I mean, develop, um, step out of a place that you're not wanting to be in anymore. It's all, it's all a big, um, it's all a big look inwards, isn't it?

And it's really tough. So you have to approach this stuff with kindness and compassion and care and, and be gentle with yourself in the process. 

But many of us don't know that. You know, when I was told that, I used to get a bit fed up of seeing all that. It's like, yeah, okay, what does that mean? Because I was numbed to that.

And I see that with clients sometimes, they say the words, but that's not being embodied because they don't know how. And self care is more than I mean, it's lovely to have a bath with candles, if you've got a bath, but the [00:50:00] self care goes so deep about how you're actually talking to yourself and the behaviours you are showing towards yourself.

And part of that is the body armouring, the defences that we've got. And as they soften, a whole new discovery of what kindness means. Oh, that's what they're talking about. Kindness. I see. It doesn't just say nice words to that person. It's the feeling, feeling of, of genuineness for another being. Yeah. Full heartedness that then is also felt for yourself.

I didn't realize that I was meant to include myself. And I see clients who are beautiful with how they are with others, but no idea that that's meant to include themselves as well.[00:51:00] 

Even, um, starting with self respect. That's, that's what I see a lot of the kindness and the compassion and the self care as.

It's self respect because when you neglect to do things for yourself, when you neglect to be kind to yourself, when you're always talking badly to yourself and criticizing yourself, and when you're not giving yourself the time in your day to have five minutes peace for yourself, that sort of thing, it's not showing yourself the respect that you would like other people, you know, you would show to other people, as you'd say, people are very kind to other people and don't show that back.

And they would expect that from other people if they were a good friend, for example, it's all about respect for me, and you just not giving yourself the self respect that you should. 

And finding what respect means to you. Like something that helped me was [00:52:00] realizing it was about my wellbeing. It wasn't just nice things that I meant to be nice to myself cause I haven't been very nice to myself. I mean, if we want to be mechanical about this, you operate better when your well being's better, it is running well, then it, that kind of makes sense to this logical mind that was getting in the way.

It's like, Oh, okay. Now I've got a new task. My task is I've got to be helpful to myself. Not got to, but it is helpful to be looking after my well being. Sounds ridiculous, but that shifted it for me that it wasn't just that I need to do nice things. I had a package of well being. And for a client, it might be something else, but helping people to see what their particular motivation and inspiration and connection is

then helps it more likely to find the things that are more usefully [00:53:00] and naturally, genuinely kind. And that's that bit again, coming from that source of wellness that happens organically. And I guess you, you must see that as people make incremental changes. In, in intuitive eating from the little I know, so let me know if I am, but it is as a gradual awareness of listening to yourself and then going, Oh, I'm, I'm experimenting and exploring with this.

Oh, I'm checking this out. And no, that doesn't. And I think when we spend that into life. It's not about the criticism, it's about the fun, the creativity, it's exploration. We then have a capacity to bring a bit more curiosity and playfulness, and not be 

so serious. Which is what he's doing. Seeing everything as a bit of an [00:54:00] experiment, that's a good way to do it.

Let's have a bit of fun with it. Let's experiment. Let's see what happens. Let's try something out. Let's try and say something different today and see what response I get. Whatever it is, it's about just Putting the feelers out and finding what ways work for you. And that will be, uh, new things for a lot of people that will be, they'll be testing the water and trying things that they've never tried before, not tried for a long time.

But yeah, it's absolutely about that. It's about the exploration of it and seeing what comes out of it. 

And that bit of what comes out, like how dealing with the feedback to yourself in a way that can be integrated. It isn't just like my Uh, TEDx example. Not helpful to have a whole month of beating myself up.

No. On the other hand, it did gimme space when I was ready to then share [00:55:00] it and to receive the responses and to, so I, I'm a slow processor, so, so it gave me that. And I then chose, and there was some liberation for me to say actually on the day that everyone else is publishing who says I have to. Publish mine on that day.

There's no deadline of you've got to share on this day. And that was liberating in itself. So coming back to that is an example of actually in the end being kindness in making the decision and not sharing on the same day as everyone else. So it's quite an interesting journey in, um, seeing what you do though with the experiment.

There's no point experimenting if you're going to, use it as a way of beating yourself up. But when everything does become that, that honest learning. and, and that seed that gets grown. And I love [00:56:00] seeing it as that, the metaphor of how we cultivate and nourish the seed. A seed needs watering, it needs sunshine, it may need some extra fertilizer, and it grows gradually, and then it buds, and then it opens, and it flowers if it's a flower or a tree.

But there are certain conditions for every different varieties, and the different varieties are needed. And there are certain things that are sort of apt for most, like most, not all, need water and sunshine. There are cacti in the desert. Um, but they then take on what they're naturally meant to become.

Whereas we go, Oh, I see that's a rose. I think I'm meant to be a rose. Oh no, I quite like daffodils, but aren't I? It's like, Oh no, Terri, you're meant to be Terri. Caroline, you're Caroline. And when we create the conditions for cultivating that. It's just beautiful to see someone [00:57:00] at their 

blossoming. Oh, that's such an excellent analogy.

We're all brilliantly unique. We're not meant to be carbon copies of other people. I love that. I love that so much. 

Your seeds already been planted and you have everything there for its growth. You're not trying to become one thing by a set date and then you're done and dusted and that's it.

The next course, the next relationship, the next job. It's a beautiful unfolding and blossoming and blooming and it's enriching to really, to really trust and to come back into your body and allow. that growth in an organic way that's you right for you at your pace and it is worth it. 

Thank you so much, Caroline. [00:58:00] Tell people where they can find you. Where can they find you online? Where are you on social media? Let's give people the links so that you can 

connect. So my website, which is just slightly being developed at the moment, if it's not online when anyone looks, it's quietpowercoaching. com.

And actually, in terms of a last line, I would say that that's who we are. We all have a power within us. It isn't that it's a quiet power. Um, but when our heads and our thinking is quieter, we work better and we can feel empowered in our body and our bodies and minds are working together, then we have a sense of that power.

So the quiet power is that quietness inside when anyone's feeling. Totally in line with who they are. So quietpowercoaching. com. Then there's a LinkedIn. Um, I'm on Facebook, just on a personal page, Caroline [00:59:00] Sherrard.

I also offer a free, not just a discovery call, but a coaching experience. If anyone would like, they can email me at carolineatquietpowercoaching.

com for coaching, general coaching or for speak from your heart. 

What a brilliant brilliant offering that is to have an actual free coaching session with you. That's really generous, Caroline. We will get all the links in the show notes. Your posts are brilliant. I really love what you post. You post some really nice examples of how you've put it into practice personally.

Thank you, Terri. And thank you so much for this beautiful conversation and the work you do for, well, for women, but I expect it goes wider and just, yeah, the heart I always feel when I listen to you. You've got a lovely combination of both practical and heart centered, and, um, I guess we both believe in the intuitive [01:00:00] way.

Oh, thank you. That's really kind. Thank you very much.