124. What to do after a binge

Bingeing looks different to different people, but whether you are a diagnosed binge eater or have simply had a massive blow out and now feel absolutely terrible for it, those feelings that you are left with after are awful. You can feel guilt, shame, embarrassment, and like you need to undo it all somehow. In this episode I'm going to help you to work through that. 

I have some tips to help you understand where your binge eating or overeating may have come from, how to process the thoughts and feelings, and some ideas for what to do after a binge to help you feel physically and emotionally better. 

In this episode I talk about my binge restrict pendulum episode too. This might be a great one to listen to next if you haven't heard of it before, and you can find that at episode 97.

Transcript

Terri: 0:09

Welcome to the Intuitive Eating and Body Positivity Podcast. I'm Terri and I'll be talking about all things intuitive eating, body positivity, and health at every size, and shaking off weight stigma, diet culture, and food rules, so that we can all have a better relationship with food and our bodies. Good day to you. Hello. How are you? You good? It's been a pretty uneventful week here. I say uneventful. I mean, Nothing absolutely fabulous has happened. Do you remember Absolutely Fabulous? What a great show. Now, it would be frowned upon in the world of body positivity. Because when you look back, all it was, was a load of weight stigma. It was Eddie's constant relationship with dieting, trying to lose weight, trying to get skinny. That was the whole premise of the story, pretty much. And her mate Patsy, who was just skinny and, you know, stereotypical. One is more attractive than the other. One is deemed to be a little bit clumsy, that sort of thing. It was the nineties, right? And it was funny at the time. And let's face it, they wouldn't make a program like that now, I would hope, but at the time it was very much the, it was the amusement of my youth. Uh, yes, because I was young then. So I was in secondary school in the nineties, in the early nineties. And then when this came out, it was just my absolute favorite. My absolute favorite thing to watch. It was brilliant. Just made me laugh. And I was like, actually, do you know what? I really want to be like her. I really want to be Eddie. I want to be a little bit crazy, a little bit kooky, uh, a little bit clumsy, just kind of bashing my way through life. I feel like that might be the truth some days, but yeah. What do you think of it? Did you see it, or did that kind of pass you by altogether? Do you even know about it? If you're not in the UK, do you even know about that show? Uh, it, yeah, it was funny. I used to love it. Anyway, that went off on a bit of a tangent already, didn't it? Yeah, nothing brilliant has happened here. My washing machine packed in again. That's not awesome. Never happy for that to happen. To the point where we decided we'd just get a new washing machine because we're done spending money repairing a machine that is clearly destined to keep breaking. Just throwing good money after bad then isn't it? So we replaced the washing machine. Do you know what? There's some kind of joy in having a new household appliance, isn't there? I just stood there and watched it. I even posted it on Instagram because that's the kind of person I am. But yeah, I had to do a wash cycle with an empty machine first. Just watching it, just watching the soap suds sloshing around. It was so quiet. The spin is so quiet. Tell me you know what joy I'm feeling right now. Tell me you appreciate these things too. It's also good though, having actual clothes to wear that are not dirty. Because, um, yeah, we were getting to the very dregs of our wardrobe. So thank God that that is sorted now. When this comes out, it'll be birthday day in our house, my eldest. It will be her birthday, so that's exciting. Nice breakfast, I think. Nice breakfast is planned. She is In her mid twenties now, so she'll be off doing her own thing. No need to entertain her for the day, but we do love a birthday in our house. We really do. So that will be lovely. And then that is it. That's the extent of everything life wise that I have to tell you this week. Obviously, the highlight is the washing machine. Right. Um, what were we going to talk about today? Let's talk about binging. Well, no, let's not actually talk about binging. Let's talk about what we're going to do after a binge. It is a horrible feeling, isn't it, when you feel like you've lost control around food and you've eaten everything there is to eat and you still want more and it was just relentless, you know, you know, that kind of eating I'm talking about and the guilt and the shame and everything that you feel afterwards and the physical discomfort, all of that. It's horrible. It's a really, really horrible place to be. And the thing is, this looks different for everybody. It might be that you've, what you call, over eaten and you feel these things or it might be that you are an actual binge eater and then you feel that in your own way. It doesn't matter where you are on that scale. It doesn't matter where you are on the spectrum. If you feel like you've lost control of eating and you've eaten more than you'd like to and you're uncomfortable and now you feel guilty and you feel like you've got to make up for it and all of that. It doesn't matter. Where you are on that scale, it still feels terrible. So I want to give you some tips. I want to give you some tools and some things you can do when that happens for you. First off, let's just talk about what overeating and binging means. I'm not going to. Get descriptive. So if you're a bit triggered by these things, don't worry. I'm not going to go deep into it, but let's just talk about these for a minute because it can help to see it from a slightly different perspective to understand what overeating is, to understand what binges are. It can help if you can see it through the, through the eyes of somebody else who is not you. So first off. This term, overeating, it is a really, um, it's an overused word and it's also not a very good word. To break it down, let's just look at the word itself, overeating, over eating. And for a lot of people, what that means is you've had too many calories, you've had too much of one type of food, you've had more than makes you feel comfortable. There's lots of different ways that you can see overeating. And The problem with this word is that by the very nature of the word, by the fact that it says over eating, it means that there should be some kind of limit. It means that there should be some limit of how much you should have eaten. Because if there was no limit, you can't go past it. You can't go over it. So, by the very nature of the word, overeating, it means there must have been some kind of limit there in the first place that you wanted to stick to. Now, when that's in context of physical fullness, satisfaction, that sort of thing, I'm okay with it, because then You can eat past that point. If you've got, um, an amount of food that you are comfortable eating, for example. If you've got food on your plate, and you get to this point of fullness and satisfaction, and you stop when you're comfortable, great. If you keep going, and you get to that point where you're now physically uncomfortable, because you've eaten more than is comfortable for your body. Then yes, you've gone past that point and to say you've over eaten might be an appropriate term then. But when it comes to overeating things like calories or types of foods, I'm not okay with that. I'm not okay with that word being used when you start using that word in those kind of terms. You are starting to enforce the fact that there is a limit, a restriction, and a rule in place. And there must be, because if you have no rules, no restriction, no limits, You can't eat past it. Do you see what I mean? I hope that makes sense. So when you're talking about the amount of calories, for example, to overeat means that you must have put a limit on the amount of calories that you could eat. And when you do that, you've got this point that restriction kicks in and it's all about the context. It's all about the perspective that you see this through. So, If you are sat, um, let's say you're at an event, let's say you've gone to a wedding, it's the evening buffet, and you have something of everything on the table, all good, fine. If after that you are uncomfortable, then, you know, that's on you. If you're enjoying it, that's absolutely fine. Nobody says you have to stop when you're full. You just know that you're going to be a bit uncomfortable afterwards. If it's a case of you've got this buffet food in front of you and you eat it and then you feel so guilty that you've gone over the calories that you really should have eaten for the day. And when I say you really should have, these are things you've put in place. If you eat past that point where you have this limit of calories, then you're going to put restriction in place because you're saying I can't have that food because. This number has been exceeded. Do you see what I mean? Now, so that's, that's the look at overeating a little bit. So I'd like to remove that word when it comes to limits on stuff, types of food that you might eat as well. So things like chocolate or ice cream or, um, crisps, pastries, you know, the things that we typically think are bad foods. You never say, I overate. I had far too many carrots last night. Do you? It's always, Oh, I overate yesterday. Last night I had. a big bag of crisps, half tub of ice cream and a big bar of chocolate, you know, that feels very different, doesn't it? That puts overeating into a different context. No one ever says Oh, I just, I went wild yesterday. You should have seen the veg I ate. It just, it just doesn't work like that, does it? So this overeating is often tied into negative thoughts around certain types of foods that we eat. So I'd like to start taking that word away in most respects. Now, if you are in a position where you are binging, that can be very different. And there is a sliding scale, and you go from people who don't generally have an issue with control around food, and they just have an evening or a day where they just Go for it and just eat all this stuff. And then, and then they say to their friends, Oh, I had a right binge last night, I ate X, Y, and Z. Whereas then you've got the other end of the scale, which is the actual diagnosable binge eating disorder, where you have. Big, uncontrolled food binges. And although the feeling for the person can be the same, it tends to be more extreme the further up that scale you get. So we need a little bit of perspective here. But still, when you're binging, what does it mean to have too much? You know, these binges, even if you have no control, While you're eating, you're unable to stop yourself. You just carry on and carry on and nothing satisfies you. What does it actually mean in the context of your life? Because too much to one person can be not enough to somebody else. So let's have a little bit of perspective around how you're seeing this and what your binges are for you. And that's not to negate anything you're feeling. Whatever you feel after these episodes. is totally valid. They are very, very true, real, negative, you know, really uncomfortable feelings to have. And so I'm not taking any of that away from you, but sometimes it can help to take a step back and think, right, what is the perspective for this? Did I really have a binge or did I just have some different foods that I wouldn't usually have eaten? But anywho, we're not here to get into the ins and outs of what a binge is. And whether, you know, it's diagnosable or anything like that. That's not what this episode is about. What we are going to do though is give you some bits and pieces that you can put into place after that has happened so that you can feel better about it and go about your day without the rest of your day, the rest of your week, you know, whatever, being absolutely ruined by this, by this thing that's happened. And it does feel like that. I'm very aware of that. So, um, yeah, let's give you some bits and pieces that you can put into action. So, first, trust your body, right? These binges quite often come because it needs it. So, this is something that it might help to come back to. a little while after. This is probably not something you can think about straight away in the immediate moments after you've done it. But when you look back, when you reflect back, did your body actually need that food? What had you been restricting beforehand? Quite often, these binges are driven by, uh, restriction. So studies have shown that even just the thought of restricting food That you really enjoy can trigger these binge episodes. Isn't that mad? Just the thought of it alone can trigger binging. So imagine then the impact of actually restricting. The impact of that is going to be much more pronounced and is likely to drive these binges. So when you withhold food, when you withhold certain types of foods, when you withhold, um, amounts of food, whether you are restricting calories, When you're putting restriction in place, your body is going to bounce back from that, and it's going to drive you in the other direction. It is going to say, right, I need this, and you're not going to eat it intuitively, so I'm going to make you eat it. And then it pushes you through into this binge response, where you then crave these types of foods, and you go Find more of them. You go and find them and your body's like, right, give them to me, give them to me. I want more of that. And it, you end up in what feels like a binge. And quite often it can be because you've restricted something. There is a whole episode on the binge restrictor pendulum. I'll put the link in the show notes for this episode. So go. Go watch that. I won't go any deeper into that pendulum here, but it will help you to understand the relationship between binging and restricting. So go and listen to that when you finish listening to this one. So yeah, what did you restrict? Were you cutting things back? Were you cutting calories? Were you cutting food groups? Was there something you weren't giving your body that now you needed and your body pushed for it? Your body is very, very clever and it will right itself. It will. So whatever you try and do to change that natural path, it's going to correct it for you. And you have very little power over that. So maybe you could trust your body. Maybe this binge was to try and recoup some energy or some You know, something that you've been cutting back on. So can you take a little look and think what caused that? And this isn't about putting the blame on you for your episode. This isn't about thinking, well, I did it to myself and now I will reap the consequences kind of thing. It's just about an understanding. So if you've not been very intuitive in your eating and you've been more swinging towards the dieting side of things. It can cause this reaction. I will say that I know this very, very well. I was diagnosed with binge eating disorder. And do you know what? Once I started intuitive eating, the binges just went away. And I don't say it like it was a miracle cure because obviously it was not just like switching a light switch. It wasn't that. Well, now I'm an intuitive eater and now it's gone, but it did have that effect in the long run. And it did mean that as I became more intuitive and I let my body do what it wanted to do, and I was guided to just have the foods that I needed, then the binge episodes went away and they really did go away. So you can trust your body. You can trust your body to guide you and then that helps balance out all the nutrients, all the food groups, everything your body needs. Um, and you can, you can trust in that. Don't try and overcompensate for what's happened. This is my next tip. Don't try and compensate for it. Be very intentional about your eating after. And when I say intentional, I don't mean right now, you will count calories. Now you will count macros. Now you will weigh and measure all your food so that you, that's not what I mean. What I mean is if you feel like the day is written off because of this binge, I get it. So how about. You get up in the morning and you're intentional about your eating for the day. What if you decide that, okay, that's happened, done deal, gone, but what I'm going to do is I'm going to get up and I'm going to have a really good breakfast. I'm going to have a breakfast that I enjoy. I'm going to have a breakfast that satisfies me. I'm going to have a breakfast that is full of foods that I really, you know, I love the taste of, the flavors of. It will be everything I want in a breakfast and more. No thoughts of restriction. No thoughts of cutting back. Just a yesterday happened and today I'm going to be more intuitive in my eating. I don't have to compensate. I don't have to make up for it. I just have to start as I mean to go on now and be intuitive in my eating and enjoy the food. Let the past be the past and just start the day afresh and carry on. And no cutting back, truly no cutting back. It can be very easy to say things like, I had such a terrible day yesterday that today I'm only going to eat really healthy foods. I'm only going to eat fruit and veg and I'm going to have you know, low fat this and I'm not going to have much sugar and, and it can be really easy to get into that mindset thinking that you've got to make up for what happened yesterday. But the whole point of intuitive eating is your body will write itself. Your body will correct everything that it needs to correct and you don't need to force that. So if you can be intuitive in your eating, then that can just continue. You know, you don't need to force it. You don't need to restrict anything. You don't need to withhold anything. You can just Continue to be intuitive in your eating. And while we're not compensating for it, no extra workouts, please. No extra gym visits, no extra running, no extra steps counted. You know, all these things that you think that you will do to make up for the food that you ate yesterday. That's not necessary. Because then what you're doing is using exercise as a punishment and as a way to earn food, and you never have to earn your food. You never have to justify calories with exercise. Exercise should be fun. It should be enjoyable, it should be leisurely. It should be something that you really want to do. And if you are doing extra workouts. Uh, extra runs, extra whatever, whatever it is, then you've taken that whole, um, that whole enjoyment out of it. And then you're just doing it to justify the food that you've eaten. And that just leads to more obsession around. What you've eaten, because then you're in this whole mindset of, well, did I do enough? Did I counteract the calories? Have I burnt enough calories on this workout? Do I need to do more? Maybe I'll do more the rest of the week. Do you know what I mean? On and on and on it goes. It doesn't help you forget what's happened and actually it doesn't serve any purpose. It really doesn't serve any purpose. So be intentional about your eating, no extra workouts and no cutting back. Okay. There's no need to overcompensate for what has happened. Just let that go. Let it be done and go back to being intuitive. Also stay off the scales. They're not helpful. Getting on the scales after a binge is one of the worst things that you can do. Why? Because there are lots of different things that are going to increase your weight. Extra food in itself is heavier. Therefore you will weigh heavier. If you've had particularly salty foods, maybe, or carbs, then you tend to retain a bit more water. Not to mention that binges tend to be later in the day and then you've got the extra weight of the day on your body. You know how your weight fluctuates through the day? Uh, you always weigh heavier in the evening than you do in the morning, that sort of thing. So if you've got All this extra food and it's salty foods or it's carbs or something that's going to help you retain water and the waste, the waste, what? There we go. See one word in every episode that I make a mess of, isn't there? Uh, and you've got the weight of the day. As well, you know, the weight fluctuation through the day. It's not going to be a good picture if you stand on the scales. Why would you do that to yourself? Don't do it. You don't need to. The only thing that standing on the scales is going to do for you is increase. your misery. It's just going to make you more unhappy. It's going to increase the thoughts that you want to go and do things to make up for what's happened. It's going to increase the negative feelings that you're having about yourself. It's going to increase the guilt and the shame feelings around the actual eating too. Lots and lots of things will spiral if you stand on the scales. So don't do it. Stay away from the scales. Stay away from the scales. It just leads to this horrible, spiraling, negative mindset. It does nothing good for you. There is nothing good, nothing good, that can be heard from standing on the scales after you've had a binge episode. Don't do it. Find some distraction because this will pass. This moment will pass. The way that you feel, the uncomfortable physical feeling, the emotions that are attached to it, the negativity, the thought, they will all pass. That moment where you've been having this binge will not last forever. The thoughts that you're having after will not last forever. Everything will pass. Even that uncomfortable, that physically uncomfortable full feeling, you know, where, Oh my God, you've got to put some stretchy clothes on or unbutton your jeans or take your bra off or whatever it is that you need to do to make yourself feel physically more comfortable. All of that will pass. It just takes a little bit of time. That's all. In the meantime, distract yourself from those feelings. Self care. All right, be really, really kind to yourself. It's happened and there will possibly be a reason why it's happened. But now is the time to just say, right. That's okay. I do this every now and again. Let's just be a bit understanding, a bit kinder to myself, find something to do, whether that is, you know, the typical self care thoughts are always have a hot bath, but you know, if you want to have a bath with bubbles and candles and music and all of that, go for your life. For me, that's not my form of self care. I would rather it. Curl up on the sofa, in my pyjamas, with a blanket, watch a film, you know, just an old rom com or something, and just be cosy and comfortable. That's my self care. Or to take myself off somewhere on my own, not to wallow in my own misery, but because sometimes there's That quiet time on your own can be nice, right? So whether it's a lie on the bed or walk out somewhere nice, you know, is it a nice sunny day? Get some fresh air, that sort of thing. There's lots of ways that self care can really help you in that moment and help to distract you from what's going on. Put clothes on that make you feel comfortable. If you're wearing clothes that have got tight waistbands, for example, and you've had a binge, Putting tight clothes on is only going to emphasize those feelings you're having about your body. So, put comfortable clothes on, really comfortable clothes. It does not matter what you look like, okay? What matters right now is how you feel and taking care of your mental and physical state. So, nice comfy clothes, breathe, just breathe, okay? Take a moment, stop, pause, deep breath in, deep breath out. Deep breath out, what? God, don't listen to me while you're doing it, will you? Because this won't be relaxing at all. Deep breath in, and then let it out. Good few deep breaths can work wonders for just re centering. Listen to podcasts, like me. Listen to an episode. Listen to an episode here. Find something that resonates with you in that moment. Listen to an audiobook. Listen to some music. Do whatever you need to do in that moment, but distract yourself. Take your mind off it. Find some other focus that you can have. Be a bit understanding, a bit kind of self compassionate. I guess. Give yourself a little bit of kindness. It's okay. You know, it's a binge. It happened and it'll pass and you'll move on. It's all good. Then later when you're ready, you can revisit what's happened. So I said earlier about this binge being possibly created by restriction or rules cutting something out, you know, but what if it was something else that made it happen? Was something emotional going on? Were you stressed? Were you upset about something? Um, were you bored? Were you just not paying attention? You were not being mindful about your eating, because that can cause it too. But you can take a look back and think, right, what was going on for me? What might have happened then? And it's not about a blame. It's not about finding somewhere to point the finger and then beating yourself up because you think it's all your fault, it's not about that. It's about being able to recognize that situations and emotional states might trigger these kinds of things. And then when you know that you can learn from it and you can put things in place going forward. You can recognize the signs. You might know when, when it's coming up, that kind of thing. So that can be really helpful. Think about what your thoughts were at the time, you know, all these things that led into it. We've already said about restriction. That's a big, big, big cause of binging. So, if your day leading up to it was really restricted food quantity wise, uh, Types of food wise, maybe your body just got to the end of the day and was like, God, I'm starving. I need food and I need a lot of it. And I need it now. You know, it might not even be an emotional state. It might just be that you've just not eaten enough. And your body was like, feed me, please, for the love of God, feed me. Um, just keep, just keep working on it. Just keep identifying your thoughts and your feelings around it, because it's only when you start to see these things unfolding that you can start to recognize them for yourself in future. And you can start to work around it, but, um, yeah, it's useful to look back. It is useful to look back and in a very. Detached way, I'm going to say. As if you were an outsider looking in, evaluating the situation. You know, once the emotion of the situation has died down, when that horrible blame and beating yourself up has all subsided, then it's the time to go, alright, what happened for me? Get your notebook out. Write it down if that helps. Take an observational approach and um, yeah, see, see what was going on for you. It can be really helpful. You are allowed to eat as much as you want. This is a really important message that I want you to hear. You are. And like to eat as much as you want. This binge might not make you feel good. This binge might have felt like there was no control, that you couldn't stop, that you ate all the wrong types of foods, that sort of thing. But you are allowed to eat as much as you want of any type of food that you want. Allergies allowing, obviously, goodness sake, if you, if you're, I don't know, celiac or something, please don't just go and eat a load of gluten, right? But within, within the realms of keeping yourself safe and well, um, you are allowed to eat whatever you want and as much as you want, there are no rules. Nobody says you can't, only you say you can't. So that should help you to take some of the pressure off. All right. Don't feel guilty for food. Guilt has no place around food. So you are allowed to eat as much as you want, and you deserve to eat as much as you want. You deserve to eat full stop. You are a living, breathing human being. Who deserves to eat food. You don't have to justify that, you don't have to make up for it, you don't have to excuse it, and you do not have to explain to anybody, or even to yourself really, why you've had all of this food. You can just deal with the feelings and the emotions and move through it. Be really kind to yourself. This stuff is not necessarily easy. The principles are simple, but it's not easy to do. So be kind to yourself while you're working through it. To unpick those habits, to unpick those behaviors can take a long time because they take such a long time to develop in the first place. So have some understanding and some care for yourself and some compassion for yourself in trying to unlearn it all and replace it with new behaviors. And also look at it in the bigger picture. Look at this food intake in the context of the day. Otherwise, in that day, how did your food look like? How did your food look like? That's not good English, is it? What did your food intake look like? Did you overall have this really nice, balanced intake of foods for the rest of the day? And it was just the end of the day! Where you had this episode. Because if that's the case, when you put all the food together, is it so bad? Or, is it a case of in the bigger picture of the day? You hadn't eaten enough food, and so this binge eating was getting more calories and things in, and actually in the context of the day, you probably didn't eat enough. Is that possible? What about in the context of the week, overall through the week? How's your food been? How's your intake been? Have you got this really nice range and balance of foods? And so, That one episode in the week, just this very, very small contributing factor on the rest of the week as a whole. Does that make sense? And then expand it further. It's a month. What does your intake look like over the month? If on the whole you're being intuitive and then Every now and again, you have this binge. Can you see how that binge is just a very small part of a very big picture? And you know, you can keep taking this out, you know, in the, in the grand scheme of things, over a few months, over a year, over your lifetime. As you become this intuitive eater, if these binges are getting few and far between, because you're being intuitive in your eating, then really, do they actually have this effect? that you are feeling so bad about? Are they really having this negative effect on your health, on your well being? Um, because I'm willing to bet that if on the whole you're trying to be an intuitive eater and just every now and again you have these days where these things just happen, on the whole your intake's gonna be pretty good, I'm gonna say, and your relationship with food and your body is getting better and you can see that over time the binges are getting less and less. That's progress, right? So instead of beating yourself up because you've had this episode, how about we can celebrate the fact that you used to have them all the time. And now they happen. Once a week or once every few weeks, try and put it into perspective, put it all in perspective of the bigger picture, your energy, your activity levels, how intuitive you are in your eating, um, your physical wellbeing, your mental wellbeing, the movement you take part in. How does it all change over time? If you're making a conservative. Effort to be intuitive. I am, I'm going to put, I'm going to put my last penny on the line here, guys, and say that actually you probably. You're probably improving. There is progress. Yeah. And if you're completely new to this or you're a little way down the line and you don't feel like it's improving and you need a bit of a pep up, you need a bit of a plan, you need a bit of support and help, then Why not book a discovery call with me? You can have a free 30 minute session with me. I nearly didn't get those words out either. What is the matter with me today? But you can book free 30 minute session with me. I will talk you through a few things. We'll see what's going on for you. and give you some tips to help you to make those steps forward. And yeah, I really like to help you. There are options available to you as well. The membership, personal coaching, there are ways forward. That is it for now. I hope that's been helpful. As always, let me know your thoughts. Don't forget that new WhatsApp option is there now for you. So in the show notes, you will see a WhatsApp link and you can send me a message. Just send me a message. Send me a voice note. That'd be even better. I really love a voice note. I really do love a voice note. I think you either love them or hate them, right? I do. I really love them. So talk to me, guys. Yeah, send me a voice note because then I know that I'm not talking to myself when I do these podcasts. I mean, I know I'm not because you guys do message me, which is just the best. Um, but yeah, let me know your thoughts. Hope it's helped. I'll speak to you next week. Bye bye.