25. What are you missing out on?

How much of life are you missing out on through worrying about what you look like? Are you staying away from the camera, not going on fairground rides, or not going out with friends for example? Life is short. Make those memories.

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Please note, this podcast is intended to be general information for entertainment purposes only. Any figures quoted are correct at the time of recording. As always, please seek the support of a registered professional before making changes to your diet or lifestyle⁠, or if you feel that you are affected by any of the topics discussed.

Related Topics:

Intuitive Eating, HAES, Health At Every Size, Body Positivity, Body Confidence, Body Positive, Anti Diet, Non Diet, Diet Culture, Food Freedom, Fat Acceptance, Fat Liberation, Self Care, Weight Loss, Eating Disorder, Eating Disorder Recovery, Disordered Eating, Nutritional Therapy, Slimming World, Weight Watchers, Cambridge Diet, Cambridge Plan, 121 Diet, Lighter Life, Noom, Coaching, Healing, Health, Wellness, Calorie Counting, Macros

Transcript

0:08

Welcome to the Intuitive Eating I'm Terri and I'll be talking about all things intuitive and health at every size, and shaking off weight stigma, that we can all have a better relationship with food Well, you guys have not worked hard enough this week. I did not have a phone call from Strictly Come Dancing. I thought you guys were going to do the work for me. I thought you were going to share all my stuff and then Strictly would get in touch this week and invite But that has not happened. It's not happened. It's a shame. Try again. I will keep trying. One day you watch this space. One day you'll be watching Strictly, you'll hear my name and then you'll say, I've been listening to her podcast for years. You just watch. Let's put my Strictly Come Dancing issues to one side. How are you doing? Are you okay? Have you had a good week? I've had a good week, I think. Been a pretty average week work. As you are aware, I had my ten year anniversary this week. By the way, sorry if you could hear jingling up until now, I'd forgotten to take it off. So I've done that now. Sorry about that. So, yes, ten year anniversary this week. And as you know, I had organised for our wedding photographer to do a ten year anniversary So that was really lovely. I had such a good time. Did that yesterday. We trapsed up to this area. There is fields and woodland and country paths and nice space to have photos done and just left it in the Just said, here we are, do what you will. So we spent an hour and a half up there just taking photos of me and my husband and the They are 22 and 17. So they're not exactly children. But we haven't had a family photo done for such Probably since the wedding. So that was nice, to have some time with them, and get some photos So hopefully we've got a really nice set of photos of and us as individuals, and us as me and my husband, Yeah, I'm looking forward to seeing them. I really am. And you know what? I wasn't even worried about them. I was just excited. It's funny how time changes things. I would historically have not shied away from being but I would have spent the run up to something like the photo shoot being super worried about how to wear, how it would fit, how I would stand, would You know, all these sorts of things, and I didn't It was so refreshing. We just went and had a nice time. We stood up, we sat down, we lent on fences and, you And I came away from there being so happy and not having Even the individual shots that were being taken. It was just me in a field, nowhere to hide, and I was just happy being there and happy just having these memories made, because I love photos and I love the memories of photos. I love actual printed photographs that you can hold Over the years we've got the boxes of photos out because I've been looking Then we've ended up spending time, just sat rummaging through photos and photos and photos. And then my niece and nephews have been around and we've And it's just so special to be able to talk to people, about things that have happened in the past, that they might not recognise any more because it's or people that they don't know, they've never met. Because of this, because of how I feared about photos, having these photos done were really important to me. I am really looking forward to seeing how they turned out. I did say to the photographer,"No hurry, it's fine, take your time, and really, I was like"can I have them today, please? I know it was only yesterday, but can I have them now?" I'd really like that. I have to wait. I'm not very good at waiting. I'm very impatient. After we'd done that, Owen and I went off to Worcester, which is, you know, not far It's about a half hour, 40 minutes drive from where we on our own, just us two, stayed in a hotel, went and got some nice food, went and got some drinks and the kids just went off back home. We didn't have really mammoth plans for the evening. We just knew we were going to get some drinks, stay in hotel, come back the morning after, which is this morning We went to the best Italian restaurant. Right, actually, I take that back. It's not the best because I believe the best Italian restaurant is actually here where we live. There's an amazing little Italian proper, called Ponte Vecchio, and it is just However, away from where we live, that was the best little Italian restaurant I So so good. It was bustling and busy, but it was a pretty small in there quite compactly, but the atmosphere We were greeted by the best front of house guy, this proper Italian guy who is the most cheerful Italian I Not that I've spoken to a lot of Italian people, but he is Anyway, seats us, gives us the menus, and there was just the most delicious It was actually verging on difficult to order Do I have a pasta? Do I have a pizza? Do I have this for starter? Do I have that for starter? I mean, I've said before my go to is a breaded Brie, on the menu tempting me, astray on the starters, So as a starter, I ended up having an antipasto and it was bread and cheese I even had olives. I don't like olives. I didn't like olives, but apparently now I do. I don't think I could still have them in a pot. You know, people have little containers of them or they come in a little dish with a couple of tooth picks I don't think I could eat them like that, with this meat and with this bread, and I So that's new. But I guess this is the thing, isn't it? When you start focusing on your relationship with food that you eat on a regular basis, your palette changes, that you like become different, of in tune with the types of foods that you're So when I was on Slimming World, it was a lot of pasta, a lot of rice, a lot of what's And it was never very well flavoured because I didn't use Maybe just some salad stuff so depressing, isn't it? Just things like cucumber, bits of pepper. Maybe. Maybe if I was pushing the boat out, a bit of sliced That just boring, isn't it? So then when you start eating a variety of foods, your tastes are changing and you're suddenly, What is all this food that I can now have and enjoy? And I think that must have been what happened Maybe I've let my taste buds and my palate develop and mature and be accepting of all these new flavours. But I really enjoyed them. And fair dos that was a big old board That was not a small starter, but yeah, that was so tasty. I even don't think I would have picked that as if I'm totally honest. I'd never have picked I'd have gone for the cheesiest creamiest breadiest because it's that whole restrict binge When you're not allowed to have these foods and suddenly you're off plan and able to choose from you're going to have the thing that feels most naughty, But last night sat there looking at the starters menu that's what I really wanted. I didn't want the Brie as much as I wanted the cured meats. So that is what I had. Then moving on to the main, I again was torn. Was I going to have a pizza? I do love a traditional proper stone baked or fire baked pizza, but I also like and there was a lot of that on the menu. A lot of different varieties, a lot of different I ended up having a ravioli stuffed with Buffalo cheese, Buffalo mozzarella And it was in a really light tomato dressing, and they And, you know, this really fancy bread stick across the top. Who doesn't have a bread stick when they go to an But this pasta was incredible. And again, it was massive. I'm not kidding. These ravioli squares were huge. They were..... well, I can't describe it. I'm not good with guessing measurements, but I'm going to say each ravioli was the size So if you look at your hand, I know you're looking Now imagine your hand without your fingers and your thumbs. That's about the size. I just realised I went"look at your hand and imagine it without your fingers I know you have one thumb on a hand. Okay, I got it. But if you imagine your hand without your fingers and your That was about the size of one of those ravioli, I'm gonna say eight maybe. And the filling in them was just gorgeous. It was so, so nice. My husband pointed out that when you have little if you buy it off the supermarket shelf or you often don't get very much of filling because So you end up having more pasta to filling ratio. Well, these were just the perfect balance. They had such a good amount of filling in them and a The tomato sauce that they were in was really lovely. It was really light. You could tell it had been made with fresh, It wasn't a sauce that had been made out and I think there was a bit of pesto in there as well. Really, really, really lovely dish. And moving on, obviously, dessert was had obviously dessert was going to be had. And I had a caramel panacotta, which was really nice because after the amount of food I'd eaten, it was something that It was just a nice light dessert and it was lovely. The service was excellent. The venue was lovely. The food was incredible. I do like to write a little Trip Advisor review, so I will be giving them a glowing five star review. So happy with the meal. So happy with the service. It was really nice and it makes a difference, When you really enjoy eating out, it's such an experience. It's not just about the food, it's about the overall So that was really nice. Then we went off and we got some drinks in town. We didn't go to many places. To be quite honest, it was just nice to sit and have some drinks and have some chats, I mean, we had a couple of cocktails sauntered back to the hotel and sat in the hotel It was really, really lovely to get away. It was really nice to have a break. And now today I'm on top of the world because I've just had a really nice day or two. Really nice day that's not been tainted by my Rewind a few years and it would have been so tainted by what size I was. So much so that it would have ruined And that makes me sad to look back and think of the things that I've missed out on, the things that I have not and the time and the memories that I've lost because I've up on what I look like, what I weighed, what What are you missing out on right now, because your body or your food is stopping you doing things? Let's start with photos because that's what we've Photos are a big one for a lot of people. If you are concerned by the way you look to have that imprinted into a photo for the rest of time is a really uncomfortable thing for a lot of people. There's an old saying that the camera adds X pounds. Well, that, for starters, is rubbish. The camera takes a picture of what is there. That's the way a camera works. Unless you've got some lens on it that is there to distort lenses that are there to kind of, oh, My photographer friend is going to be cringing But, you know, the sort of image that I mean, right. They use it a lot in property photos because it makes It just expands the amount that you can get I think I'm so sorry, Lyndsey. I know that I don't talk in proper photography speak, but my point is that a normal camera and normal lens will just take a photo It doesn't take the photo and then go"hang on a minute, let's make this one So that's the first thing to get rid of from your mind. Also, when you are looking back at these photos, you should be seeing the memories attached So, when we look at these photos that we have done yesterday, the four of us are going in the wind with the sun in our faces, laughing at stupid poses, laughing at the stupid things other, to get each other to smile. The way that none when the photographer said,"Just get a bit closer, just put your head to the side a bit, just turn your Why are those things completely alien when But that is what we should be remembering. Those are going to be the funny things that I remember from yesterday about having And when we look at the photos as a family, none of us are going to be criticising each other for our or how we look sizewise. None of us are going to be criticising each We're all probably going to be picking up on ourselves"Oh, I'm not sure about that. I don't know if I like the way I look in that one." I think that's a natural part of looking yourself in photos. I don't think you can always like the way you look. That's not realistic. But on the whole, we're all going to be looking at these photos, that the photographer has done, because we know Just appreciating that we've got those memories I tried to get some photos of my son on on his 17th birthday, and he wouldn't And I said to him that day,"one day you're going to want to look back, one day you're photos, whether that's photos with other people, of yourself marking a memory in time, you're going to wish And he was like,"No, no, no, no. But it's the truth. And we shy away from cameras and things because because we're worried about the way we look. And what we're actually doing is missing all these opportunities to have something special It's easy as well now to take photos, but they're so Because you can take a photo and delete it in a second. There's something that happens quite a lot on social"Felt cute. Might delete later?" You must like it because you've posted it. But what is wrong with that? What is wrong with liking the way you look in a photo? Feeling proud of how you look, feeling like you look Why delete it later? Why take it down? People are so reliant on comments, aren't they? And likes and shares. I'm going to delete it because I didn't Oh, that's a whole different story though, isn't it? Let's not get into that. But there is so much opportunity Why shy away from that? Why shy away from being in a photograph with people that you enjoy spending time with, that you're having You want to be able to look back and remember with. I don't really have any photos with my mum, growing up. It just wasn't the done thing in our house. I would love to have loads of photos of my kids around. And actually a big regret is that I don't have enough photos of me with the kids to look back on because I was so hung just would rather just take the photos of them, That's a shame, because you can't get that time back. So I would encourage you to put aside. To take the opportunity to make those memories. Get yourself in the thick of it. Get in those photos. And never mind breathing in, turning around, You know, leg at a certain angle, side on because that None of that. Just get in the photo. Just take the photo, smile, enjoy what you're One day you'll appreciate having those. And even if you can't look at them yet, Take the photos anyway and print them off and put them aside because one day you might be happy I have a photo of me and my sister, her graduation. I was at my thinnest at this point. I was at the very bottom of my Slimming world journey. I say the bottom of my journey, it was the bottom of the journey. The only other way was up for my weight. But that's what happens with slimming journeys. Anyway. I was at my very thinnest, my very smallest, and I had a photo taken with Just me and her. Again, we don't have a lot of photos like that. And I was so proud of her and I was so pleased to be there. And at the time I wasn't that bothered about But when I looked at it after I thought I was fat. Now I'm going to post this photo on social media this week with my sister's permission, obviously. I'm going to post this photo so you can see how kind of deluded diet culture makes us because I was at my lowest weight then I was thin in this photo. I had a winter coat on and I still don't look big. I know that now. I didn't know that at the time. All I could see was how horrifically large I was, So my point being, take the photo anyway. Even if you don't want to look at it now take the photo. One day you'll love looking back at them. What else are you missing out on? What else have I missed out on? Fun. Just fun. Doing things with the family. I've missed out on so much because I haven't wanted to do So I've made excuses. There are certain things that I don't want to do. I don't like being on water very much. I love being by the sea. I love being by the river. I do not want to be on that water really, if I can help it, I'm sure a cruise is a great experience, Kayaking. Definitely not for me, but that is a just reason, I think. I just don't like the thought of not being able if something happened on that boat. I'm not a very strong swimmer. I can swim, but I'm not a strong swimmer. So the worry that something would happen and I couldn't swim to safety is So I think that's a just reason for not wanting But there have definitely been things in the past that I have So one that sticks in my head is we went to a theme It was me and my husband and the kids. They were quite young and I didn't go on anything. I didn't get on and go on anything. He did. He went on with the kids. I looked after the bags and I said that I had I said that I must have slept funny on it because my neck My neck wasn't hurting. I just didn't want to go through the embarrassment, worry, whatever it is, of trying to fit into a seat on a ride or be squashed or not have the harness come down Now again, I was not big. That were not just reasons for this. There were no reasons at all why those things I would have fitted in those seats. I would have been able to use the harness, but my stupid mind was telling me otherwise and I was convinced I was too big to comfortably get So I missed out. I missed out and the kids missed out, and my And that won't have been the only time that that happened. There will have been multiple occasions where I have avoided doing things based on the way I look. Equally along those lines things like wearing a swimming costume on the beach or by the pool. Things like that were a no go for me because I was too I didn't think that I should wear a swimming costume. If I did have one on, I would have some kind unless I was getting in the pool, and then get in the pool quick, get out the pool quick, You know, you're feeling me. What else is it stopping you from doing along those lines? Are you not playing games with your children? Are you not getting out and just running because you're worried about how you look? Are you not running around the park maybe with your kids? And not because you don't feel but because you're worried about what people would just in gay abandonment, running around a park, You know? But I know that that's I know that that's a concern. You already think that you are of a size where people are just going to be paying attention and watching so why would you put yourself out there and ask for more I know what you're feeling. Now, you also know my hatred of clothes shopping. It's not a pleasant experience when you're in a bigger body, but this week it was quite nice to pick some clothes It was quite nice to be looking at clothes. Would that coordinate with what everybody And is it the right kind of style? You know, we were just going for a tidy jeans, really nice jumper, pair of boots, bit of a country walk look, and it was really nice to find Really nice. I chose to go to shops online that would suit me clothes for me to try, but before I might not have on the fact that clothes shopping would have been too This week coming I've got an awards evening I'm really looking forward to it. I'm getting the opportunity to put some nicer clothes You know, a nice dress or something. That would have put the fear of God into me This week, I'm really looking forward to it. I don't care how big I am. I am going to wear something that makes me feel good. I don't care what people are going to think when I am going to be dressed nicely, being there, enjoying an evening, celebrating some work That's the main thing. So what are you missing out on because you don't want to You don't want to feel bad in clothes? You don't want to go to the hassle and through the stress of trying to find clothes that fit you? I understand. I really understand. But if you're honest with yourself, how much based on what clothes you're going to wear? So what else? What else are you What experiences are you missing? How much time are you giving away to diet culture? How much are you giving to all those people and all those companies that tell you you don't look good enough or What are you missing out on in life? What are your family and your friends missing you not joining in with things? It's a tough question to answer because It's highly emotive, the reasons why you're not It is so much easier to not do things, to not go places How many times have you feigned illness because you didn't want to go somewhere based I'm going to put a chat box up on social media and I tell me what you're missing out on. There is no judgement here. I am not going to reply with a,"Well, you shouldn't do that." I do think though that if I can share the things with, it helps other people to know that they are So let me know what you're not doing. Let me know what you're not involved in because you're too worried about your Let's let everybody know that we're all in the There's more people out there who know exactly what I do encourage you to try and get yourself out That would be ridiculous, because I'm not here to tell and to keep missing out. I'm here to do the I want you to enjoy all these experiences, so make a little pact with me right now. Commit to doing something that you usually wouldn't do. If that is taking your child to the park and If you have to take a photo in private, you've taken a photo of yourself that do it. You don't have to share these things with anybody. You can just do it for your own self. Have a photo taken with your husband, your wife, your kids. Do something out of the ordinary. Make a little pact with me right now that you're going to do something a little different. You're going to put yourself out there a bit. You're going to get out of that comfort zone and you are going to take a stand and you are going to put a big and say that you deserve to enjoy those moments just Do it. Do it with me now. Do it. Do it. Okay. I am done for this week. I don't know if you can tell in this recording, my throat a little bit. If I keep talking to you, I'm going to end up with no voice and I'll just be a So I'm not going to talk for much longer. But one thing I did want to request of you will you please sign up for my newsletter? Now that's not just me begging for you to join up There is a reason behind this. You may or may not follow on social media, an account Now she is actually brilliant. She speaks a lot of truth. She's a GP and she is fighting for people to have She wants everybody to be able to access healthcare without the need to worry about what going to say about their weight. In fighting her good she's come up against a lot of people who don't and her accounts are getting constantly reported for violating Instagram's rules or Facebook's rules. They're reporting her things like racism and hate speech That's not what her account is about. It's just a reason for these people to give when they're And of course, because they have to be seen they're taking her account down routinely. And so she's built up all of these followers, thousands she's spreading good messages and Instagram keeps coming along and shutting And the last time it happened, she basically put a post up on a different account saying she was tired of this fight. She was tired of the fight against Instagram. She wants to continue the work that she's doing, but she can't do it on Instagram when there's And it's just angry people who don't know what they're fitspo accounts and people who don't know what she knows. People who aren't educated in the stuff that And this worries me a bit. I am trying to build my social media accounts because I also So please do come over and follow me on Instagram I'd like that very much, but my concern is that I would do much the same. I would build up this following and then somebody would report it to Instagram or Facebook, and before you No questions asked. Then how do you find the information from me? Then how do you get the information from me on how to be more intuitive in your eating, confident, how to recognise when messages are not correct How are you going to get that information from me if I don't think I'm doing anything particularly so I don't think that's a very real risk at the moment, but it takes one post and one complaint to wipe out If you're signed up to my newsletter, no one can I will have your email address. I will send you regular updates. No one can take that away. You can say you don't want to receive it anymore and that But let it be your choice. It shouldn't be the choice of a big company that hosts So the reason for me asking you to sign up you have a link with me that can't be taken away in I'm going to start tailoring my newsletters a little They've been very generic up until now. My newsletters going forward are going to have that's not going to go on the social media platforms. I'm not going to put this stuff out as so I'm going to be sending you a weekly message that's something that you can't get anywhere It's not hard selling. There's no spammy stuff going on. I'm not going to bombard you with emails day in, day out, just a weekly email with some helpful information and hopefully something that makes you smile in your inbox once a week rather than the spammy stuff that I seem to have Please pop along to the website and it's terripugh.co.uk/newsletter How very original. I'll put the link in the show notes anyway, so you can just pop into the show notes and click on the link. But please, please do come and join the newsletter list. I think you're going to really like it going forward. Okay. Have an amazing week. I hope you've got some nice things planned. Take care of yourself and remember how awesome you are. See you next week. Bye bye.