123. When you desperately miss your old self

Have you ever had those days when nothing seems to go right?  Well, let me start you off in this episode with with my own mishap involving some highly anticipated chicken nuggets and chips. Let's call it nugget-gate.

Nostalgia's a tricky thing, and in this episode, we're not just reminiscing about the fashion disasters (hello, neon!) but also wading through the deeper waters of body image and identity. 

In this episode, host I am delving into the concept of embracing change and letting go of attachment to the past. We'll get deep and consider the very concept of reality. Remember those late-night philosophical debates about life and existence? Well we're on the verge of that today! 

Let's look a why sometimes, saying goodbye to our old selves—complete with those bootcut jeans—can open doors to brighter new experiences. It's all about celebrating growth and fulfilment, even if it means letting go of the body and lifestyle we once knew.

Let's explore the idea that the past is not real; what is real is how we have evolved and changed over time. I'm talking about...

• The tendency to romanticize the past, whether it's longing for previous body types, lifestyles, or relationships., and the importance of recognising that memories often come with rose-tinted glasses, focusing on the positives while overlooking the negatives.
• How our past experiences shape who we are today, and why the only genuine reality might just be our ever-evolving selves. 
• Through the lens of body image and self-acceptance, challenging the desire to return to a previous body type, examining what you truly miss about your past seld and whether those desires are rooted in genuine improvement or attachment to the familiar.
• Surrendering to the flow of life and allowing oneself to evolve without resistance.
• The importance of self-love and acceptance, urging you to make friends with the current version of yourself.

Hopefully this inspires you to move forward with acceptance and appreciation for the journey of personal growth, and allowing you to detach from the past.

So, pull up a chair (and maybe some snacks—just keep the

Get 'Eat From Within - The 3 Steps To Food Freedom' course totally free!

Chapters

• 0:09 Frustrations With Food Orders
• 11:58 Longing for the Past, Body Image
• 27:21 Evolution of Style and Body
• 44:03 Discussing the Concept of Reality

Transcript

0:09

Welcome to the Intuitive Eating and Body Confidence Podcast. I'm Terri and I'll be talking about all things intuitive eating, body positivity and health at every size, and shaking off weight stigma, diet culture, and food rules, so that we can all have a better relationship with food and our bodies. Hello! How are you? Are you sick of my voice yet? Because I talk to you for what, 10, 11 days straight? Did you like it though? Did you like the series? Was it good to go back to basics and approach intuitive eating as if it was brand new to you again? I hope so. I had lots of good feedback actually. I was really impressed at all the nice comments that I was getting and I'm glad that it has helped some of you. I hope it's helped many of you. Yeah, it was, it was good to hear that it actually has. Let me tell you something that happened to me. You are not going to believe it, or at least I hope you're as gobsmacked as I was. I went away to a pool tournament, right? And they do food at this venue that we were at. I knew what I was going to have because I've been there before and they do the most glorious chicken nuggets. Really nice bits of chicken, you know, like proper chicken, not just reformed meat, really, really cheap. You know, fake chicken, chicken nuggets. Anyway, these nuggets are amazing. They are in a really nice batter and I've had them before. I had them with some chips and they're big chunky chips, really, really nice chips. I was really looking forward to that. So the day comes and We're playing some pool. It's a busy day. There's a lot of pool going on. These tournaments usually are. They're a full on day. The afternoon came and I decided now was the time to eat. I was hungry. Went to the bar, ordered my food. Now, let me start by saying the system is not brilliant there. I didn't have a problem with it last time. This time, however, slightly different. So, you order your food and they go, no problem, thanks. Now, it amazes me because I'm thinking, as a person who has worked in bars and pubs and things before, I would not like to have a venue full of people taking orders and just thinking, yeah, sure, I'll remember who that's going to. Can you see where we're going with this story? Anyway, order the food. No problem. A bit of a wait, he says, because we're so busy. I was like, absolutely fine, not a problem. Half an hour goes by and I'm thinking, right, it doesn't take that long to throw some nuggets and chips in the fryer and get them to me. So I thought I'll just give it another few minutes. Another 15 minutes went by, so we're at 45 minutes now, and I thought, no, I'm going to go and find out where they are. So I went to the bar and I said, Hello, just wondering, how much longer is my food going to be, please? Because it's been 45 minutes. And he said, It's okay. We've got a bit of a backlog, but it's on its way. Brilliant, I said. Thank you very much, and off I went. Another 10 minutes went by and I thought, hmm, my food is not here. Meanwhile, I'm seeing lots of food coming out, backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards. So I went back to the bar and I said, Hi, me again. Uh, just wondering, is my food coming soon? Because it's been nearly an hour now and I know that there's lots of chicken nuggets and chips coming out of that kitchen. He said, Yes, just another few minutes. It's on its way. I gave it another 10 minutes and then I went back. I was like, Hi, me again. Don't mean to nag. Yes, I do. Don't mean to nag, but Where is my food, please? And I'm never rude to people, I was just like, come on, dude, it's been a long time now. So he says, uh, Have you still not got it? Right, he said, I'm going to the kitchen, and I'm going to get it for you. So, lovely, thank you very much. So, off he trots, and I see him, and he goes and he stands and he waits at the kitchen, and I'm like, this man, he's sorting it out for me, brilliant. And he, sure enough, comes back with my food. Brilliant. I am starving. So this comes out and it's in two baskets. One basket of chicken nuggets and one basket of chips. And I'm like, where am I going to put this now? Because this venue, if you can imagine, was lots of pool tables. a few tall chairs and that was about it because around the tables there are no, um, there's no actual tables to sit at, there's just stools and chairs and things. So I thought right, I'm going to use one of these tall chairs as my table because I was stood there and we were supporting one of our girls who was mid match and put my baskets onto this chair. And I am merrily sorting myself out. I've got some mayonnaise on the go. I'm dunking the chips in it. I have a nugget. It is as good as expected. Happy with that. And I'd had two, maybe two and a half nuggets. These were in batches of six because they're quite, they're really big. So I'd had kind of two and a half, I think, nuggets. And I turn my back, and then I turn back to see the girl stood the other side of the chair, knock my nuggets. Onto the floor. Yeah. Imagine, imagine how happy I was about that. I was starving hungry. I had waited an hour and a quarter for my food, and then some woman throws them on the floor. And I was like, Oh man of life. This is, this is not good. This is not good today. So I went round and started to pick them up and she turned around and she went, Oh. And something along the lines of, I don't think it was me. Was it me that knocked them off? I don't think it was me. And I'm thinking, there's a guilty conscience if ever I've heard it. Yes, love, it was you. You knocked it onto the floor. I saw it happen. And I said, yeah, I think it was. You caused it with your coat. She's like, no, no, no. I don't think it was me. I don't think it was me. Alright, so she was obviously not going to take any responsibility for the fact that she just knocked my food on the floor. God, then all I was left with was some chips. Now, I'd had a few chips, didn't really want any more. I did want my chicken nuggets. I wasn't gonna eat those because they'd now been on the floor. So I thought, right, let's just make the most of this. And I got my sachet of mayonnaise because it comes in these little pre packaged sachets. And I thought, I'm just gonna put this on my chips. And then I will eat a few more chips and then I'll be done because I really wasn't fancying them but I was hungry and I know that I couldn't let myself get any hungrier. So I open my last sachet of mayonnaise, important to the story, and I pour it onto my chips and I pick up a chip and I put it in my mouth. It is not mayonnaise. It is Tartar Sauce. Tartar Sauce. I don't really like Tartar Sauce. Well, like, I tolerate it. If I was having fish or something, it makes a nice accompaniment. It is not designed to be poured all over chips. So then that was the rest of my chips gone as well. An hour and a quarter I'd waited. Essentially, for two and a half nuggets and a handful of chips. Oh, I was mad. I was really mad. How, how unfair is that though? So frustrating, isn't it? So frustrating. It's like if we go to a restaurant, I am always the person whose meal is wrong. We go out for a family meal or something. I am always the person who has to send it back. Not because I'm fussy, because I'm really not, but it will either be, you know, stone cold in the middle, or there will be something missing or my whole dinner doesn't arrive. That's happened before now. Everybody else is eating. Where is mine? I get it after everybody's finished. Honestly, you couldn't write it. I'm just destined to. Have problems with my meals, I think. Yeah. That. That happened. It's not funny, is it, huh? Tell me things like this happen to you. Tell me they do. Just let me know. So that we can all be in the same boat and I can feel like I'm not the only person in the world that this happens to. I've got a new thing for the podcast, by the way. You know, I've talked to you before about SpeakPipe, about sending me voice messages. I still want to hear from you. I still want voice messages, but let's do it differently. Let's do it by WhatsApp. So now in the show notes, you will see a WhatsApp link. I want you to hit that link and I want you to voice message me or send me a message and talk to me. That's how we're going to do things. Now we're not going to use speak pipe anymore because I get the impression you guys don't really like that idea. You know what we do have though? What's up? So yeah, jump on WhatsApp, hit the link. It'll take you straight to my number in WhatsApp. Send me a message. I want to know that you're a podcast listener and then leave me a message. And I will reply. Um, you can send me a message about food disasters if you like. Um, you can send me a message about anything intuitive eating and body image related. Send me a message. And I may, if you use like voice messaging, then if it's cool, I might put it on the podcast as an audio clip. That'd be good, wouldn't it? That'd be cool. I will obviously always get your permission to do that. I'll never just put your recording on my podcast, but that'd be good. That'd be cool. So send me a voice note. I want to absolutely roar with laughter at your funny food disasters. That is what I'd like you to do this week for me. And then if I get some really good ones, I'll play them on the beginning of next week's episode. How does that sound? Yes. That sounds like a plan, Terri. That's what I hear you saying right now. I was listening to a different podcast earlier, and for the past few days I've been thinking, what should I talk about this week? What shall I talk about this week? And then on this podcast, the host says this. The past is not real. What is real is what's changed about you. I was like, that is, that is it. That's what I need to talk to you about. So often we crave the past back, don't we? We want our old body back. The people. the experiences, the lifestyle. I love the odd reminiscing about the past, you know, when you get together with your mates and you're like, Oh, remember the time we did this? Remember the time we went there? Remember when we used to wear that? Didn't we think that we were the actual dogs? And And then you look back and you laugh because you're like, that is ridiculous. I would never go out wearing stuff like that now. Or we would never do that now. We would never go there. We would never be that risky. You know, there's things in life when you're younger that you do because you've got no fear, right? You think you're immortal at that age. You know, youth age, and it's only as you get older that you think, Oh, it's a bit too risky for me. Thanks. And you don't do things, but when you look back, you're, you kind of marvel at the stuff that you used to get up to and the way you used to behave and the things you used to do and complete disregard for any. Sense of safety or logic, you know what I mean? And it's really nice to reminisce. It's really nice to look back, but unfortunately, when we're in this whole body confidence issue stuff, that looking back will often look like, um, wishing you had your thinner body back, wishing that you were in previous state of fitness that you were before, wishing you had your health back, you know, if health is an issue for you now. It looks like wishing that you could wear the clothes that you used to wear back in day. Um, it's wishing you could do the activities that you used to do. And for me, I look back and I quite often think, God, to be in that time again. And I'll see somebody from my past and there'll be a part of me that is longing for that back, not necessarily that person, but those times. And I think we look back, don't we? And we forget that those times are not everything that we remember them to be. So we look back and we think of these times as the best days ever, the most fun with the best people having the best times. And actually we forget the bad side of it or the, you know, the, the negative experiences. So for example, I can think of somebody that I saw quite recently and I used to be so, so close to them and a part of me. Really was like, I almost miss them and I miss the times that we had and I miss the things that we used to do and I miss the fun. And then I think, actually, no, because then I was really concerned about where they were going at times. I was in a lot of times. Left out, for want of a better term, um, left out of the circle, um, we had some experiences at that time that were far from positive and I'm not, I'm not going to go into details about it because it's irrelevant for this, for, you know, for what we're talking about. The detail of it doesn't matter, but, you know, we look back and we want the things that we used to have. And we do it all through rose tinted glasses. We forget the downside of it. So if we then relate this to body image and body confidence and getting our skinnier bodies back for, you know, if that's how we're going to think about it, we want to go back to the days where we were thinner. Do you know, for me, that looked like, um, it looked like. Eating disorder. It looked like paranoia. It looked like stress every weekend when I was desperately trying to claw back a couple of days of calorie counting and restriction and all of that so that when I got on the scales on Tuesday, it wouldn't be so bad. It looked like not eating the food that I really enjoyed. It looked like not joining in with people. It looked like actual, um, yeah, disgust in myself a lot of the time. But right in the moment when I'm thinking, Oh, I want my thin body back. Do I? Do I really? Because do I want all the things that come with that? Because. I can't have one without the other. I can't have my thin body without having all of those issues back. I just can't. So, do I actually want it back or not? We do it with lifestyle as well. So, I use my fitness as an example here. I used to be a massive gym goer. I would train five, six, seven times a week. I was at the gym. Now I used to train in a bodybuilder's gym and I used to lift pretty heavy weights and to the point where I wouldn't go there if I didn't have someone with me because I lifted heavy weights and needed a spotter. So I needed somebody to always make sure that I wasn't going to drop them on my head or something stupid like that. And When I fell out with the girl that I used to go to the gym with, I felt like my world fell apart because along with all the other stuff, there was this part of me that was now not going to be going to the gym anymore. I couldn't go to the gym because I couldn't train safely on my own. And also I get motivated, you know, Working with somebody in the gym. It's not the same for me to go on my own and train alone. I get better enjoyment when I train with somebody else. So when we fell out, that was the end of my time at the gym. And for me, that was an identity. I was going to the gym. I was fit. I was strong. I wasn't the thinnest person in the world, but I. Was relatively normal size, I guess. And that was a large part of my life. That's what I did. That's what a lot of people knew that I did. And from there, I found my love of pole dancing. If you're a long term listener to this podcast, you'll hear that I was a pole dancer. And that became my new thing. I would go and train that many times a week. I would go into classes, I would be doing private lessons and I was getting fitter and stronger and better. I was doing the tricks, but I was also a dancer and I won a competition and, and, and, you know, there was all of this stuff that formed this new identity around what I was doing there. And people would compliment me on it. And there was lots of different reasons. Firstly, because I could do these crazy ass things on a pole that a lot of people wouldn't even know where to start with. And I was strong and I was fit and I looked good. When I say looked good, obviously that's, you know, in beauty culture eyes. And people would compliment me and they would tell me that I was doing well. They would tell me that they were, um, inspired by me or in awe of me. And, and it became. a thing that I did. And also I really liked that so many other people I knew didn't do it, or they had done it, but they quit doing it a long time ago. And here I was, I was doing it and I was killing it. And then COVID hit. And that wasn't me anymore because I came to this point in life where I find intuitive eating, COVID was happening. So we couldn't go into the studios and things like that. I couldn't do it on my own. I couldn't do it at home. And I never really went back to it. I tried a couple of times in the times where the studio reopened, you know, where there, there were times where lockdown was lifted and we were allowed to do things at a distance. I tried to go back. It just wasn't the same. And then that circle fell away from me. And then what was life, you know, then what was my identity? Then what did I do? And so to look back, yeah, I could go back to those things. I could go back to the gym if I wanted to. I could go back to pole dancing any day. I could go back tomorrow if I chose to. But my point is we build this life. We build this identity around things like that. And when they're not there anymore, you can want them back. And for a lot of people, that's a body type too. And it can be really easy to want to excuse why you're not thin anymore and why your body has changed so drastically, why you're so much bigger than you used to be, and then we really want it back for lots and lots of different reasons. I won't. necessarily delve into all that today, but we really, really, really want it back. At the time when all this stuff is going on, you, you're in this place where your body is thinner. You're doing these activities. You feel like that is you. It is it. It is where you are meant to be for the rest of your life. You will never give it up ever. And guess what? Time comes along, things change and some things go by the wayside. In your body, that's a completely different thing to come to terms with though. So let's start to look at this slightly differently. What if you could just see that you are who you are now, and that is what matters. So let me go back to that line that I heard in the podcast. She said, the past is not real. What is real is what's changed about you. And the more I think about that, the more my mind is blown because I start thinking about it in lots of different ways. And I'm like, so true. The past was real when it was happening, but it's not my reality now. That's not who I am now. I am the person that I am now because of the things that have happened because of the changes that have been made in my life. And you can either accept that or you can fight against it. So can you start to, uh, can you start to accept who you are now? The now you is real. Now is real. What has changed about you is real. The way you've evolved over time, the way you've become the person you have become. That's all real. The past isn't real anymore because the past happened and now it's gone. And in this podcast, it was explained like this, right? This is a nice little analogy. Phone upgrades. So when you buy a phone, when you, you know, you have a new phone, it was described in terms of the latest iPhone. I don't even know what model we're on now. Let's just say we're on 12. I'm not an iPhone user, guys. It's not my fault. I am Android through and through, but. Let's talk in terms of iPhones. So say we're on iPhone 12 now. At what point in time are you ever going to go, Do you know what? I really miss the iPhone 5. I really wish I still had that phone. I don't want what I've got now. It is developed. It has evolved. It is smarter. It is more informed. It is Better at processing things, but I don't want that. No, no. I want my own phone. There it is for today's episode. Thank you. Um, I, I just want my iPhone 5 back. Thank you. We don't think like that. We like the software upgrades. We like the new things. We like the development. We like the evolution of these things. Same with human evolution. Are we actually ever going, Do you know what? I really wish we were back in caveman times. Really wish we were still living in caves. Drawing pictures in walls. Sending guys out with spears to catch a cow or something. I really wish life was like that again. Do we want that? Or do we want the life we've got now with the knowledge, the skills, the technology that we've got now? All right. You know, some of these things are obviously coming with their problems, you know, nothing is without fault. But if you compare past humans to current humans, I'm sure you'd agree that we're probably better off as current humans. Yes. Same with clothes styles, right? I know clothes have a. have a kind of cyclical thing going on, don't they? We go through phases. Let's look at jeans, for example. They will go from being bootcut, to flares, to kind of mom jeans style from the 80s, um, back into bootcut from the 90s, skater boy kind of jeans, then maybe back to the 70s. Skinny jeans came and went. These things keep moving. These things keep changing. We couldn't possibly stay in the same style of clothes. Well, we could, we could stay in the style, uh, stay in the same style of clothes if we wanted to. There's nothing to stop us doing that. But if we walked around wearing the clothes we wore in the, I don't know, 40s, 50s. We might catch some eyes as we walk down the street. That's not necessarily a bad thing. As a society, we're not wearing the same clothes that we wore back then. If we wore all the luminous neon clothes that we wore in the 80s and I'm thinking, you know, Madonna here with her fishnet gloves and her bright necklaces and her crazy blue eyeshadow and her hair scraped up on top of her head, all backcombed. And crimped. Remember crimpers? They were fun. We don't walk around looking like that now because we've just changed and evolved and we found a different style. This is what it's like. To be a person evolving through life. And with that really does have to come changes in our body. We do not have the same body that we have when we're in our late teens, as in our mid forties, where I am now. We just don't, I'd look pretty daft if I was still walking around in my 18 year old body at 45 years old. That's just not the way things are meant to be. They're just not meant to be that way. I'm a firm believer in everything for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Sometimes we have experiences that are here for a reason. They're here to teach us something. They're here to show us a different way. They're here to guide us, that sort of thing. Some things are here for a season. Fashion, iPhone models, um, body trends. You know, you see the body trends, the body changes across the years and. You see the body shapes and styles change, you know, there was the wafer thin of the early 90s. There was voluptuous, fuller bodied women in the Victorian times. Right now we are, I don't know, what did my daughter describe it as? Thin, thick or something like that. I don't know. I can't remember. I'm not down with kids, but body changes, body styles change over time. They just do. We can't cling on to everything we used to be because if we did that, we would never develop as people. And some things are here for a lifetime. Some people are in our lives for a lifetime. Some learning is here for a lifetime. Maybe a job role. Maybe you found a job that that is your lifelong mission. This is what you were born to do. Yes. A reason, a season or a lifetime for everything. Body types are rarely a lifetime. Rare, I mean there'll be the exceptions obviously, but rarely, rarely a lifetime. A better way to think of this would be what happened and what am I holding on to and what can I take from it? So this part of you that you're missing, this version of you that you're wishing you could have back, what is it you're actually holding on for? What is it about that time that you miss? What is it about being thin that you actually miss? Because I'm willing to bet, thinking about it, that it's not the actual body that you miss. Maybe people find you attractive then and you miss that attention. Maybe you don't find it so easy to dress yourself now and find clothes that suit you or find clothes that fit you. You know, I'm not going to pretend that it's easy to live in a bigger body cause it's not. Are you missing the availability of the clothes? Are you missing being able to dress a certain way in a certain style? Are you missing being accepted by a certain group of people? I don't know what that is for you, but I think That your willingness, no, not your willingness, your desire to be thin again is not because it made you a better person, not because you are a better person in that body. An attachment, I think it is an attachment to something at that time. So can we move on? Can you move on? I get it. I get that there's grief and sadness and real longing for it. But what if you could detach yourself from that and move forward? If you had that back, it wouldn't be the same. If I had back those people from the late nineties, mid nineties, that I saw not so long back and kind of missed being around, I have those people back in my life. It wouldn't be the same. Because they're doing things with their lives that I have no interest in. They would have no interest in what I was doing. To have them back, to be a part of those circles again, life would not be what I'm reminiscing of. If I was the same body type as I was when I was thinner, it would not be the same now. I, yes, would have. The dieting back in my life, the restriction, probably the eating disorder, the misery, the unhappiness, the dissatisfaction with myself. I would still have all that back. I would have that back without a doubt. I would have the negative stuff back. But my body as an older woman now, older woman than I was when I had that thinner body type, I'm not going to have the same experiences in that body. Now, I'm not going to live in that body, in that thinner body now, in the same way that I would in my twenties. That's for sure. I would not be doing the same activities. I would not be training in the same way. For me now, I love A more gentle exercise. I really love this, the feeling of stretching and things like yoga and things that make me feel energized and flexible and strong, and that's different to going and killing myself in a gym. Now, don't get me wrong. I love to the gym and I know if I went back there, I would still love it. I would love it, but it would be different. It wouldn't be what I'm reminiscing about. And if I was in that thinner body again, what am I going to wear? I don't know what my style is anymore in that size body. I'm not going to go back and wear the clothes that I was wearing in my early twenties, so then I'm still faced with the dilemma of what do I wear? I don't know what suits me. What do I wear? I wouldn't have a clue where to start. I guess I'd go back to my, I'd be back in my jeans and jumper. But you know what I mean? It would not be the same experience. to go back and put yourself back into the body that you're missing. Your relationships, your intimate relationships, for example, they would not be the same now. I approached that sort of thing very differently in my 20s to the way I approach it now. That's not because of my body type. That's because as you go through life, um, let's not get into too much detail here, but early twenties, reasonably inexperienced in those ways. And as you go through life and. You settling to long term relationship. I've been with my husband a long time, things develop, right? Develop and change. And so if I had that body back, I'm not going to have the same intimate relationship as I had when I had that body previously, do you see what I mean? So everything is constantly changing. And just trying to roll back my body type is not going to get me those experiences again. Things are meant to change. Things are meant to develop and evolve. Life just cannot stand still. It wouldn't be right for it to stand still. We would be very unhappy, very dissatisfied with life in general if nothing ever moved, if nothing changed, if you didn't get new experiences, if you didn't have new things to think about. The key though is, is detaching from the old, the wanting to go back, the wanting to be who you were and now making it about now. What is real? What is real life like now? So learning to love yourself now, learning to like yourself now. And it might change, you know, it might keep changing. The thing that you are experiencing now is one day going to be the past. And it's just going to be a part of what shaped you in the future you. Are you with me? All these experiences that you've been through, all these body types that you've been through, all these diets that you've been through, they're all changes, they're all experiences, they're all movement that's brought you to where you are right now. And the things that you're doing now Are shaping what you're going to be in the future. The only thing that we can ever know is that where you are now is what matters. And where you are now is what's real and important. You're now built on everything that you've experienced in your past. Bit by bit you're shaping. So surrender to those changes. What if you could just embrace this flux, this flow? What if you could embrace those changes? What if you could let life happen for you? What if you could stop forcing it and start allowing the natural intuitive Body do its thing. Cause that's what intuitive eating is. It's listening to your body and going with it and being guided by it and being fed and nourished and satisfied by the things that your body's asking for. So what if you could just surrender to, to that for your body too, for your body shape, your body size, and it's okay to let things go. There are people that I've let go. There are people in my past that there's no animosity around. We just drifted and moved on our separate ways. Reason, a season, or a lifetime, remember? Some people were in my life for a reason. To teach me something, to contribute something, to help shape me into the person that I am now. Some people were there for a season, they were just there for a period of time, and then they were gone. And that's okay. Cause they just came in, they were part of my experience here. And then they left and some people are in my life for a lifetime and I would never want them to leave and they never will leave because they're destined to be here forever. But the people who are not destined to be here forever, it's fine for them to leave. It's okay. Same with behaviors and habits. There were things like the gym, like poll, like previous interests, previous things I learned, previous jobs I did. It's okay, they can go. I don't need them, because I'm living now, and those were experiences for me at the time. They were meant to be there at the time, just like anything that's happening now, is all part of what's meant to be happening for you now. But it's okay to let it go. You know, the clothes, the styles, the haircuts, all of this. Let it be, let it happen, let it change, let it evolve. Maybe in a few years time, you'll look like a completely different person, but that should only be because it naturally happens to you. Not because you're trying to force it back to something that it was. And can you enjoy the process? Can you enjoy the learning about yourself instead of fighting against it? Can you just be inquisitive about it? Can you? Be interested, be curious about what's happening to you. Even if you can't a hundred percent, you'll love yourself right now. Can you appreciate that this is part of the flow of your life? I think if you can let go of the past, if you can detach from that, if you can see it as something that was meant to be for you, but is something that you will not experience in the same way, if you went back to it, you can then start to appreciate. Moving forward because you can't move forward. You can't find that body satisfaction, that body confidence. If you are always desperately clinging onto going backwards and trying to get back to an older previous version of you, does that make sense? You can't move forward if you're always looking back. If you're attached to that past you, there is no way that you will move forward. And if you are unhappy with where you are, if you're unhappy in your body right now, then surely what you desperately want is to move forward out of that. So, detaching yourself from the past you will unstick present you, and will allow you to move forward out of the unhappiness that you're feeling at the moment. Right now, all the past is, is a bit of a bungee rope that keeps you stuck there, just keeps you going back and going back. And every time you go back, you can't go forward again. Appreciate the lessons. It's all good. Just leave it in the past. Be in the now. You don't need to go backwards. You really don't. Allow yourself to feel the new experiences. And make friends with the new you. What if you could just start to like her a little bit better? How would that feel, do you think? That was deep, right? I don't go deep like this very often, but it just hit such a chord with me when I heard it and I thought, this is it, this is what I need to talk to you about today. I would really love to hear your thoughts. I'd really, really love to hear your thoughts on it. So get on the WhatsApp, come, uh, come in there. Talk to me, tell me what you think. Has this blown your mind? It blew my tiny little mind when I heard it for the first time this morning. I was like, that is amazing. Amazing. Shall I say it one more time for you? The past is not real. What is real is what has changed about you. Boom, mic drop. Right. Take care, my lovely. Take care. I really hope that you can dwell on this for a little bit. Just think on it a little bit. Let it sink in. Let the thoughts come out, you know, start to start to mull it over and see what comes up for you. Have a great week. I will speak to you next week. Take care. Bye.