130. I'm taking responsibility for my own actions

Hey everyone, it's Terri here, welcoming you back to my podcast.

Today, I'm getting real with you about taking responsibility for my own actions. I'm stepping up to take better care of myself, especially with my battle against chronic fatigue syndrome. It’s been a rough ride, and honestly, I’ve let some things slide more than I should have. But you know what? It’s time to change that.

In this episode, I’m opening up about everything from my struggles with food trucks vs. veggies, and how joining the Wonkee Club has helped me to start to turn things around. I got inspired by Scottee, this awesome yoga instructor, who’s all about embracing different body types and just finding joy in yoga, however you can.

We'll chat about the everyday challenges people like us face, and how I’m learning to navigate these while taking better control of my health and happiness.

It's definitely an honest and open episode on my part!

If you'd like to look up the people I've been talking about on Instagram, try these links:
@ScotteeIsFat
@Wonkee.Club
@MissFitsWorkout

Get 'Eat From Within - The 3 Steps To Food Freedom' course totally free!

Transcript

0:09

Welcome to the intuitive eating and body positivity podcast. I'm Terri, and I'll be talking about all things intuitive eating, body positivity, and health at every size and shaking off weight stigma, diet culture, and food rules, so that we can all have a better relationship with food and our bodies. Hi. Hi. Hi. I have to start this episode by giving a massive shout out to Sarah, who has sponsored the podcast this week. Oh, it's just the best. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. Thank you, Sarah. What a lovely thing to do. Thank you. I really appreciate it. I do have a bunch of regular subscribers who just drop a little bit of cash my way. And you know what? It makes such a difference because it means that I can carry on with the podcast. Because this stuff, it all takes time and money, right? Time and also money. Because, you know, hosting providers don't give it away for free. Software providers do not always give it away for free. When I do guest episodes, you know, there's other expenses that comes with it. And, you know, this stuff just isn't free. So whenever I get a subscriber, I always give you a nice big shout out. So this episode. This episode is. Is dedicated to Sarah and. Yeah, thank you, Sarah. I really, I really, really appreciate your support. So thank you very much. I'm glad you're enjoying it. I assume you're enjoying it because if you weren't, why would you do that? But I hope you are. I really hope you are. Okay, so let's just get to the point. This episode, I'm gonna get a bit real with you. I mean, I always get a bit real with you. I like to be real. But I'm gonna talk to you about me. Yeah, let's talk about me. Me. Self. Self, self. But actually, I think this is an important one. So I want to talk about the fact that I am taking responsibility for my actions. Now, let me tell you about what has happened. For a good while now, I have been feeling rubbish. Just been going about my days, getting stuff done. But it's all been a bit of an uphill battle, right? It really has. It has. It has been physically demanding. It has been mentally demanding. It has just been difficult, you know, when. Well, no, there have been things that have happened. There have. But, you know, when life just feels like it's hard work, that is how it's felt recently. It really has. And so I've taken stock this week. I've had to have some time off work because, you know, I do my coaching, but I also have a part time job that I do. I had to take a couple of days off there because I was feeling so bad, and that's not okay, you know? And when it got to that point and I'd taken a couple of days off, I had to really take stock of what I was doing, what I was not doing, and make some changes for myself, because my well being is nobody else's responsibility. Right? It is my responsibility, and I have not been taking responsibility for it. There is a very big difference in life between having an understanding of. No, not having an understanding of. There's a difference between what I can expect from the world and what I have to do for myself. And it becomes very easy when you get yourself to a place where you don't feel good, to start blaming everything under the sun but yourself. And I'm not saying that this needs to be a blame myself because, you know, I've done loads of things wrong. It's more about where I'm putting my focus now. As I said, this has been coming for a little while. All right? What I don't talk about very often is I have a chronic health condition. Okay? I have Emmy, which is also known as chronic fatigue syndrome. And it means that I spend my life tired, tired all the time, which in itself is quite difficult to come to terms with. Going from somebody who was very active, very busy, would go to the gym multiple times a week, would go to pole dancing classes multiple times a week, would be very active, very fit, very healthy, you know, would have a generally busy lifestyle, to then being not that person. That's the only way I can describe it. Not that person. Everything requires effort. Everything requires energy. Funnily enough, I think that actually the breaking point for me to have these couple of days off work was the fact that I wallpapered my new office. I genuinely think that's what it was, because I wasn't in a good place anyway, physically. Mentally, then I did something physically draining. And when you've got a chronic condition that saps all your energy anyway, to do something that requires something physical, well, that was just breaking point, I think. So. I have this condition now. I don't talk about it very often, because it is what it is. Right? It is what it is, yes. It affects the way I behave. Yes. It affects the way I eat. Yes. It affects what I do socially, but it's still there, and it's just kind of got to get on with it. And I'll also add that I'm quite lucky in some respects, because a lot of people have this condition and they are literally bedridden by it. And I'm not. I've got a moderate form of it, which means that I can still function. I just need to be really careful about what I do and how I manage my energy and how I manage my time and I manage my days. You know, this is what allows me to continue to work and do my coaching, run my business, do social activities. I can still do those things because I've learned how to manage it. A lot of other people with this condition cannot, and I absolutely appreciate that. So this episode is all about me talking about my perspective, my health, my wellbeing, all right? So I don't, I don't ever think that somebody with a worse form of this or a different form of this or another chronic condition would be expected to do exactly what I'm doing. So let's just, let's just put that out there, right? So anyway, got to the point this week and feeling rubbish, really feeling rubbish, physically in pain because, you know, that's another part of this condition anyway, but really, really pain this week and mentally low, and these patterns have been coming for a little while. The pain has been getting worse, the mental dips have been getting worse and longer, and motivation really low. I haven't been eating properly. I just haven't been eating well. And when I say, well, I do believe I've said this before, so this is nothing new for you as a listener, but I do believe that everybody can be intuitive in their eating and you can be guided to eat in a certain way. But there are going to be times like this when I know better than to just eat rubbish. In order to be physically well and mentally well, I need to make an effort towards the type of food that I'm eating, the nutrition. And you can do both. You can be an intuitive eater and give focus to your nutrition. You know, once you're over that initial period of time where you're learning to be an intuitive eater, okay, as a newbie, that's not what you do. As a new intuitive eater. When you're learning it, when you're trying to understand it, when you're trying to find out what your body needs and doesn't need and wants and doesn't want, nutrition is not your focus. But I've been doing this a long time now, so I can be an intuitive eater with a focus on nutrition. And when I say a focus on nutrition, by that I mean a focus on getting the right mix of food in and having a good range of vitamins and minerals, giving myself enough of each food group to fuel my body properly. You know, all these things that become important when you also have a condition that drains your energy. It's really important that I eat well because if I don't eat well, how does my body function? Well, it's really important for me. So I had not been doing this. I'd not been eating well. And by that I mean I had been ordering off the food truck. When I've been at the day job, there's a woman who comes round with her van and she's got all this food. Lots of snacks, lots of sweets, lots of chocolate, lots of crisps, lots of fizzy drinks, lots of pastries and sandwiches and bread rolls and paninis. Just loads of stuff. Loads of stuff. She's got this drive around food truck, which is great, except I would prefer to do that on days where I was short on time or I needed to just grab something from her because I had run out of food in the house and not had time to go shopping, that sort of thing. Not using her every day I'm at work, that is not good use of my money for starters. And it is not a good way to fuel myself because there wasn't really anything healthy there. There wasn't anything that would satisfy me, actually, as well. Nothing that I buy from her ever makes me excited to eat it. I don't enjoy it. It doesn't satisfy me. It is just food, you know? You know when you're just putting that food in and it's just food that. That's how it's got with the food that I was eating from her van and I haven't been cooking properly, if at all. My poor husband go, he's so lovely to me. He's so bloody lovely. Honestly. He really looks after me. He takes such good care of me. When I'm having a day where I'm feeling really low, he will jump in and do the cooking. I've told you before, I think we have this thing in our house where one week I'll do the food shopping and then do the meals and the next week he will do it. And we alternate our weeks like that. Some weeks I do the food shopping and he still does the cooking. And that's because over the last few months I have really lost the love of food. It's just become a means to an end and not an enjoyable one at that. So I haven't been cooking, or if I have been cooking, it's all been a bit half hearted. It's been easy stuff. It's been whatever I could be bothered to do in the moment. It's been really slapdash, to say the least. And that's partially because of how I feel. That's partially because of the. The condition. But it is also because I have let myself get to that point. Now, we're not going to get into the let yourself go argument in this episode. This is not what this is about. This is about taking care of myself. And I have let that go. And you know what? I have to take responsibility for the bits that I can control in this situation because there is an awful lot that I can control here. And when I was thinking about this, I didn't do an actual list, but for doing this episode, I thought, I'll just scribble down some notes and do a bit of a list of what I can control and what I can't control or what are real factors at play in this and what is me not taking responsibility for myself. And I really struggled to come up with anything that was a real factor other than the condition, because that is a real factor. It does affect how I feel on a day to day basis. It does affect what I have the energy to do. It does affect my ability to function. It affects how much time I need to restrict. It affects the energy that I have to exercise, that sort of thing. So that is a real factor in my situation. That's the only thing I could come up with on that list because the rest of it all went under the my responsibility list. Eating that is within my control. It is my responsibility. It is what I choose to eat. I can choose what food to eat. I am in a lucky position where I have enough money to buy within reason. You know, there's limits, obviously, but I do have the money to go to the supermarket when I need to do the food shop and get the food that I would like. My choice has been to eat differently to food that I would really like to eat. The habits have become bad. So things like, if I went to put some fuel in the car, I would pick up a bar of chocolate. If I went to another shop to get something, say I needed to pick up some milk or something, I would get a bar of chocolate. Not any old bar of chocolate. I get a big bar of chocolate because here's the annoying thing. They're the same price or very, a very small amount more to buy a big bar of chocolate than a small one. And I wouldn't take that home and savour it. I wouldn't take it home and have a bit here and there. No, no, this was not good eating behaviors. And I have the choice to control that. That's within my responsibility. I choose how I act around food fact, because it's not driven by restriction anymore, it's just driven by bad habits. Because I don't restrict anything. I don't say I can't have this because I need to have that. I eat with a focus on what I would like to eat, what I need to eat, what will keep me good energy wise, what will satisfy me. But I never say I can't have that. So these habits are not driven out of restriction. It's my choices. I choose not to move. I could get up and go for a walk. I know that I have limits on my energy. I have also got limits on my money. I can't afford a nice big spa membership. I can't afford a gym membership really, you know, at a nice place that I would like to go to. There are budget gyms around here, but I don't really want to. Thank you very much. And that's not dissing people. I feel like I have to caveat all of this stuff that is not putting you down if you've got a really cheap gym membership and you go to the cheapest gym in your town. Absolutely not. There are just places around here that I would rather go to and there are places that I'd rather not go to. And if I'm going to spend my money on a gym membership, I want to at least choose where that journey is, you know? So I choose not to go for a walk. I choose not to find some physical activity that is pleasurable. I choose not to get up and put music on and dance. I choose not to be physically active when I can be. And I know that movement is good for physical health. It's good for mental health, it is good for improving strength and posture and bone density and overall health and energy production. I know all of this. I choose not to do it. Choose not to do it. I could take some responsibility for my mental health. Mental health, to a degree, is not a choice. I know that. But there are things that can be done to improve that. When I am sat on this over feeling low, feeling rubbish body's aching or tired, and I have eaten rubbish food, I've chosen not to move. These are all things that contribute towards a poor mental health. So when I'm sat there in that moment, I'm not finding something nice to help boost my mood. I'm not putting on nice music or a nice tv show. I am not treating myself to a fresh set of nails. I am not going out and getting some fresh air. I am not having a chat with a friend or my husband or anybody who I choose to, you know, confide in. That's my choice. And I know that it's happening. And you know what? If I wasn't aware of that, if my mental health was declining and I couldn't see a way out of it, then I would know that that's not within my responsibility. But I know that this is largely the making of my choices and how I choose to approach my day. I could choose to get up earlier. I could choose to relax. I could choose to start the day with a nice book and a cup of tea. Or I could choose to spend less time on social media in the evenings. I could choose to. Well, there's so much you can choose, isn't there, in your approach to your day? I've been choosing not to do anything that makes me feel like my day has been good. And this week I've taken responsibility for that. So here's what I've done. Just gonna, you know, go all out and. And tell you this situation so you're fully informed on my picture. Here's what I've done. I am making better food choices. I am taking the time to make myself a lunch. I am choosing to eat more vegetables and things that I enjoy. So today, for example, late morning, I really fancied some fruit and yoghurt. Now, that's typically an old dieting thing, I know, but I'm over that now. So I just really fancied some. And I had some grapes in the fridge and some blueberries and some bananas. Now, the bananas have gone a little bit furry, right? Not mouldy furry, just, you know, when they go past that ripe stage and I don't like them like that. So the only way I can eat them like that is if I smother them in yogurt. So that's what I was going to do. So I was going to have these grapes, blueberries, chop up the banana, put it in a bowl, cover it in this nice yogurt that I've got. Oh, it's greek yogurt. Yum. And that's what I had, and it was brilliant. It was just what I wanted in the moment. I made the choice to make myself a good lunch. I made the choice to sit and have some breakfast before I started work. I made the choice to get up and have a more pleasant start to the day. That sort of thing. I've also managed to get myself a membership with the wonky club. Have you heard of this? Oh, my goodness. Right. I'm going to tag this in the show notes. Go and follow the wonky club. And even better than just following the club is to follow, I think he's called Scotty is fat on Instagram. I will check this. Hang on. I'll check it right this second. Yeah. Scotty is fat. So Scott, Scott. And then double E. Scotty is fat. And he is brilliant. Brilliant. He is a fat guy. He describes himself as fat, which is why I use that descriptor for him. He is a fat yoga instructor. He is a runner, and he advocates for people to exercise as they choose in their bodies, as they are loving it. I mean, he says things like making space for your delicious belly. You know, it's just lovely the way that he talks about the yoga practices and things that he does. And if you go onto his instagram, you'll see his practices on there. And if you go on to the wonky club, which is wonky with Aee, I think go find it. He talks about it on his profile. Anyway, then that club is all about yoga for fat people or. No, not just fat people, but people in different bodies, people who find themselves different to everybody else in the world. He also has a focus on queer people or neurodivergent people. He is just like. He basically says, if you think yourself a little bit wonky, you're welcome here. And I love that. I really, really love that approach to his practices. And I've been eyeing up the club for a little while now, but I've struggled to get in because you have to wait for spaces. And he releases a few spaces each month, and every time the email comes out, I miss it and I'm too slow and I don't get a spot in the club. But this month I got my spot, and I've had it for a couple of weeks and I haven't looked at it, or I have looked at it, but I haven't done it. And I thought, this week, I'm gonna. I'm gonna do this because I really like yoga. And my body feels like it needs it. I'm in pain, my body feels tight. You know, when you just think, ah, a really good stretch would feel so good right now. I could have chosen to got up and got up. What? Is that the right words? No. I could have chosen to get up and do some stretching, but I did not. And I knew that this yoga was going to be the thing that would get me back into it. So this week I have done some of those practices in there, and it's so lovely because he starts with this lovely beginner warm up and flow. And you know what I don't mind sharing with you. When I did the first one, it was just a lovely 20 minutes, really, really gentle. And I stood up after it and I cried. And it was because my body was kind of releasing the emotion. It had let go of some stress. I was a bit emotional that I'd actually finally got up and done something and was doing something kind for my body because this is the other thing. When you go from being very fit, very healthy, very strong, to not being able to do very much physically, the thought of doing something like this is quite daunting. And he completely acknowledges that in his intros and his welcome to the club. And I was like, God, this is what I needed. I really, really needed it. So I am taking responsibility for that. And now each morning, I'm just doing a gentle 20 minutes to warm my body up for the day, to stretch it out, to get some energy flowing. And it's going to do the world a good. I know it is. I really know it is. What else have I taken responsibility for? I'm not going to the bloody shop and buying bars of chocolate willy nilly anymore, either. This has got to stop, these old habits, these old dieting habits, right? They're just, they come rushing back if you don't pay attention. I used to do that all the time. I would go to the garage and I would sneak a chocolate bar in the car on my way home because I was on a diet. Feels very much like that. Not doing it anymore. Bad place to be, bad things to do, you know, bad for me. I mean. Um, so, you know, overall, I can't affect my. No, I can't remove my chronic condition. I can't change that. But what I can do is make it easier. I can be kinder to my body so that that condition is easier to manage. I can eat better. I can make better choices. I can have better habits. I can move. I can choose to move each day in a really gentle way that suits me. I can choose to do things that are good for my mental health. I have my own coaching. You know, I had a coaching session yesterday and worked through a load of stuff. I have ongoing coaching for myself. I really, truly believe in the power of coaching. I really do. If I didn't, I wouldn't do it, but I believe in the power of working through your mindset and working through the blocks that are in your way, figuring out what's important to you, figuring out where the changes need to be. So I have my own coaching. So I. Huh. What did I intend for this episode? Well, firstly, I wanted you to know that I'm not just sat here gloriously. No, I am sat here gloriously. Obviously. I am not sat here promoting that my life is perfect. This is what I'm trying to say. I'm not sat here talking to you through my computer, through your phone, or wherever you're listening to me. I'm not sat here telling you life is great sorted out. Right? That's not what I'm saying. But I am trying to show you that you can acknowledge where you are and then you can take some responsibility for what you want to change. Right. So if you took a look at yourself at the moment, if you took a look at your life and how you feel, how do you feel physically, how do you feel mentally? Are you satisfied with your life? And if you're not, can you take some responsibility to change that? If you're feeling low because of your body or your food, you know, your eating behaviors or whatever, can you take a look and figure out what is within your control and what is not within your control and then can you take control of it? So are the things. Write this list, right. Do the list for yourself. So my list titles were real factors versus my responsibility. So could you do that list for yourself? Could you have your list of real factors in life that affect you? And those factors might be things like, do you have an incredibly busy work life? Do you have limited availability of food? Do you have financial issues? Do you, 24 hours a day, care for somebody close to you? You know what? There are lots of things. Do you also have a medical condition that affects your life? Do you? Because if you do, these things are real factors, and I'm not trying to take those away. However, where within that are your responsibilities? Where in there are the things that you can change the list that you're coming up with, are they excuses or are they reasons? I should have said that the other way around, really. Are they reasons? Are they real reasons or are they excuses? So I could say I can't. I can't move much because, you know, I've got Emmy. But the reality is I have Emmy. It limits the movement I can do, but there is movement I can do. So it can either be a factor or an excuse, and I'm choosing now to make that a factor. I'm not using it as an excuse to not do things that are good for my body. Where are you laying blame? You know, I could blame my condition. I could. Let me think. Oh, here's. Here's another one. This is one that I hear all the time, right? The world hates fat people. The world just hates fat people. You can't buy. What? See, I just want to say it all so quickly that I fall over my words. If you think the world hates fat people. So that means you can't buy clothes. You can't go clothes shopping. It means that you can't exercise. It means that you can't go to social events. It means that you can't go places where there are size limits, things like that. Or you could say, do you know what? The world is not geared up for fat people. It's not. That's a fact. There are not enough high street stores that have clothes of my size. Fact, there are places that I cannot go and sit in certain places in there. So the theater, for example, if I go to this theatre, there are places I cannot sit because it is too damn uncomfortable. Fact, there is some exercise that I cannot do because of my weight. True story. But those things also look like there are clothes available to me. And actually, I could clothes shop online, get all the sizes I need on credit account, obviously, because I don't have lots of money. But I'll order loads of clothes. I'll choose the ones I like. I get to try them on in the comfort of my own home. I get to try them on with things that I already own. And the stuff that I like, I keep the stuff that I don't like, I'll send back. I can go to the theatre. Because what I can do is when I go on and I book my tickets, I book the lovely balcony seats. Mm hmm. In our local theatre, I would rather sit in the balcony seats. It's brilliant. You get your own chair, single chair that you can move. You get loads of space in each section of the balcony. There's something like four chairs, and you've got loads of space around you. So if I go and watch, because they hold concerts and things that are local theatre, if I go and watch concert there, I push the chair back, I get up and I dance. I can't do that if I'm sat in the rows of seating because I'm blocking somebody's way. Right. I'll sit in the balcony. It's blooming brilliant. The chair's up there. Some have arms, some do not. There are options there. And actually, the options for me as a fat person are way better than sitting in the rows of seating on the main floor. Yes. What else did I say? The movement? Yeah. There is some stuff that I can't comfortably do. But you know what? I'm in the wonky club now and there's loads of lovely practices in there that are adapted for me as a fat person. There's another place, there's another business that people recommend. I think it's called misfits workouts. I can't remember her name on social media. Right. I'm going to tag these in the show notes, but there is a lady who has a business, I'm sure it's called misfits, and she is a fat fitness instructor and she does classes designed for people with movement limitations, body limitations. There are adaptations for all of the practices. So, yeah, the world is not geared up for fat people. Right. It's not. We know that the world is not a very kind place sometimes, but also, what lens are you looking at that world through? Are you looking at it through a lens of everybody hates me, I can't do anything? Or are you looking at it through a lens of, I am still going to live my best life and that is that I'm going to find ways to do the things I like to do. You have to decide, where are you laying blame? Where? It's not really fair. There are responsibilities for other companies to provide for people in bigger bodies. There are responsibilities for theatres, social places, you know, in general, to provide better facilities. There is, I think, a responsibility for clothes shops to increase their range of sizes. It is true. But I'm not blaming them for my choices as to whether I'm gonna live a good life or not. And here is the crux of it, right? Do you actually want to change? Like, do you really, really want to change? A couple of weeks ago, I might have been sat there wallowing, thinking, do you know what? This is it. This is. This sucks. I'm really not enjoying my life right now. It is sucky. But at that point, I probably wasn't driven enough to get up off my backside and do something about it. Now I'm like, enough is enough. I am done here. I am done feeling this rubbish. I am done not moving. I'm done feeling so restricted in my own body, you know? In my own body. So do you want that change? Do you really want it? And if you do, what is stopping you? What are you clinging on to that is keeping you safe? Right? This is a common thing that comes up in coaching. You might not like where you are now, but you might be reluctant to move forward. What is it that's keeping you where you are? What are you holding on to? What is safe? What is familiar? What are you not wanting to step away from? Or what are you fearful of stepping into? And that's. That's quite interesting. So I'm not going to go any deeper into that. That is something for you to maybe consider for yourself. But, you know, where are you laying blame? Where are you not taking responsibility for your own situation where you can? What is it that's stopping you moving forward? You know, don't. I'm going to say it. Don't come to me and tell me that you're unhappy time and time and time and time again if you're not taking steps to make that happen. I get the frustration. If you are trying really hard and like, you're. You're stuck somewhere and you don't know how to get out of that. Stuck. I get it. I really get it. But this is where you lean on people that can help you. You know, what could life look like if you allowed yourself to move forward? What could life look like if you changed your mindset and you changed your approach and you took responsibility for the parts of your life where you could make change but you haven't done. Choose what you want to change. Choose what's in reach for you. You know, we're not asking you to be unreasonable about this and unrealistic. I'm not saying you must go and join the latest fanciest boutique spa and gym and have personal training three times a week, which is going to cost you 15 grand a month, you know, and no one got that. But if your love of walking outdoors is there and you don't do it, then that's very much in reach for you. And you can choose to go and do that. You can choose to get up. You can choose to take me and my podcast on your walks with you. It's about embedding new habits and new routines. Right? And I'm here to help you. Right. This is what I do. I coach people through these things. D group membership is there to help talk to other people that are in a similar position to you. If you want to get through these blocks on an individual level, though, my coaching is there for you. And you can just start with a power hour. Right? A superpower session. That's what they're called. And it is a 90 minutes session. It's all yours. It's you, your goals, your thoughts, your beliefs, your aspirations, and I'm there to coach you through it and help you come to that end of that 90 minutes going, God, I can do this, I can do this. So the link is in the show notes. If you want a superpower session, please just book it in. It's a one off session so you're not committed to more sessions and there's no obligation to do that. So if you want me to help you, I'm here. You know, I firmly believe in the power of coaching and, and it's right here for you. If it's within your reach financially and if you choose to take that action, I'm right here. Right, I'm gonna get down off my soapbox now, but, you know, I just wanted to walk you through it and say, you know, we all, we all have these struggles. It's not a criticism, it's just sometimes we need somebody to hold a mirror up to us and say, take a look and make your decisions and take your, you know, make your choices. I just want the best for you. I just want the best for you. I want life to be glorious for you. God, glorious used twice in an episode. I don't think I've used that word for quite some time, but that's how I feel today. Glorious. The weather is glorious, the sun is shining, the windows are open, the washing is out on the line, today is a glorious day. Right, I'll speak to you next week. Love you, bye.