144. Would I do this if I loved myself?

Inspired by a new book I’m reading - Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It by Kamal Ravikant - I’ve been thinking about how we can help our relationship with food and our bodies from a more holistic perspective. 

Inspired by the book "Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It" by Kamal Ravikant, I’m asking you to ask yourself one question - "Would I do this if I truly loved myself?" 

In this episode of the Intuitive Eating & Body Positivity Podcast, I’m talking about how asking yourself that one question can reshape your relationship with food, your body, and your overall well-being. 

In any given moment this question can guide our choices around food, clothing, self-care, and personal development, helping us break free from the constraints of diet culture and weight stigma. 

Join me as we uncover how embracing self-love can lead to a more fulfilling and positive life.

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Transcript

1:17

Welcome to the intuitive eating and body positivity podcast. I'm Terri and I'll be talking about all things intuitive eating, body positivity and health at every size, and shaking off weight stigma, diet culture and food rules so that we can all have a better relationship with food and our bodies. Hi, how has your week been? Do you know what? This week has flown by for me, but I feel really energized at the moment. Really energized. So I'm recording this at, it is 2019 at the moment, so 20 past 8 in the evening and I've just finished putting together a filing cabinet. Yes, a filing cabinet and a couple of days ago I put together a new chair. So this is new furniture for the office, obviously, where else would you put a filing cabinet? But does it make you feel good when you do something, when you accomplish something? I don't think it really matters what it is either. A really nice meal, a piece of furniture, some exercise that you haven't managed before, anything, it doesn't really matter what it is. To accomplish something is quite satisfying, It's quite energy boosting, I find. I can't show you my filing cabinet and my chair because obviously I'm just talking to you. But let me tell you, it's very pretty. My chair is, now this is going to sound disgusting, but my chair is pink, but it's like a dusky pink and it's very on brand and it's lovely and it's comfortable and yeah, I love it. I love my new chair and then my filing cabinet is lovely. It's not our horrible metal thing. It's not an ugly normal clunky clang clang type filing cabinet. You know what that noise was right? That's the draw of a metal filing cabinet opening and closing. You got that, right? No, mine is a really nice wooden 1. And yeah, It's just lovely. It's just lovely. I'm just making my office nicer bit by bit. I'm making it a nicer space. I've got some shelves up on the wall and if you're following me on Instagram, you'll see that every week I put a new page of positivity up and that is a page out of a little book that I had for Christmas. My daughter bought me this really nice little book and it's just a positive message on a page And there's 1 for every week of the year. So every week, every Thursday, I turn the page and I post it on Instagram. So come and follow me for my little page of positivity each week. But I've got that up on the shelf and I've got some plants And yeah, just bit by bit, making it a nicer space to be in. Because I think I deserve that, right? I think I deserve that. So yeah, that's my week. That's it, there's nothing much going on. Do you want a Tales from the Cat Diaries? We haven't had that for a while, have we? There's no real tales to tell, there's just a little Luna update. Do you remember last year we got Luna, cat number 3, because we lost poor Tilly and then Mabel was sad because she was on her own, so then we got Luna, who's a rescue cat, just to bring you up to speed if you're not familiar with the story. And she's so sweet. She's the prettiest, prettiest little cat. She's grey and white, she's absolutely lovely, but she is the most nervous cat in the world. She is nervous of everything. So we've been very gentle in how we bring her into the house and how we kind of integrate her into the family and she's very selective over when you can fuss her and it's all on her terms. She will come to you. If I'm sat in bed she'll come and jump up on the bed for a little bit of fuss. If we're sat on the sofa she will go and sit by my husband. She'll sit by the side of him. She's just about coming over to me now on the sofa, but she's very particular about where she gets fuss from you. I don't really know what this is all about. I'm not a cat expert, but she is getting closer and she's having more fuss and she's looking more relaxed now. So hopefully, hopefully in the spring when the weather gets a bit nicer and we can leave the door open for longer, she can start venturing outside maybe. That would be really lovely because I want her to have full cat life, but I want her to have full happy cat life. So if you've got any tips for relaxing a cat, for helping a very nervous cat, should I say, please do let me know. I'd love to hear them because I am NOT a cat expert. I do know about the plugins, things like that, the sprays and things I know about those But if you are a cat behavioralist, is that a word, behavior, anyway, if you know about cat behavior, let me know, because I would really, really love to just make her as comfortable as I can. So that would be really helpful. Thank you. Thank you in advance. I'm reading a book at the moment that is changing the way I think about how I approach my day and how I approach myself. This book is called Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It, and it is a story by a guy who's gone from a deep depression and feeling very, very unwell, and his path into feeling well and turning his life around. It is so good, so good. I will try and remember to put it in the show notes, to put the link in the show notes. It is a really, really easy read, Really easy read. I've flown through the majority of this book in just a couple of days, really. Yeah. Because I only really read half an hour, 45 minutes before I go to sleep at night, And it's taken me literally just a few days to get my way about 3 quarters of the way through the book. That's how easy a reader is. And this book is very thought provoking, not in a super deep and meaningful way, but it just makes me think about how I approach my days and my life. And I thought this would make a really good podcast episode because I can see how this book and the methods in it could be game changers for you in this area that we talk about all the time, the food and body stuff. I think this could be really good for it. So I thought I would come along and talk about this book, or rather the methods in this book today. So nothing in here is anything I've created, nothing. But what I am doing is taking the themes and things in the book and turning that into something you can adapt for your body and food stuff. Now let's just start this by giving you a little caveat about what it means to love yourself. I quite often say that when we're working on food and body image, especially body image, you do not have to love yourself. You don't have to look in the mirror and say, I am the most awesome person in the world. Look at me, I am stunning, I am beautiful. Because that does not come right in the early days. That doesn't come for a very long time for a lot of people when it comes to working on body confidence. That is not what I'm talking about here. I am not talking about this fake, external, look at me, I look glorious type of love yourself. If you do that, if you feel like that about yourself, brilliant, all power to you, but it's a very big thing for some people to achieve. So that's not the level of loving yourself I want to talk about. I just wanted to make that clear. We are talking about loving yourself on an energetic level, on a spiritual level, on a value and worth level. Loving your soul, you know, not your external body. This is the kind of love we're talking about in this episode, okay? Does that make sense? I hope it does. Now the main question, as suggested in the title of this episode, is would you do this if you loved yourself? Would I do this if I loved myself? This is the underlying question. This is the question that changed this guy's life, the guy who wrote the book. This is the question that can shape the way you feel about yourself, the way you behave, the way you act, the way you approach your day, every choice you make, you could ask yourself, would I do this if I truly loved myself? So let me give you some examples. This is what this is going to be. It's going to be about me giving you examples of how this goes and how it works in practice and then you can take it and adapt it to whatever you need it to be in your life. So Let's start with food then. A lot of problems around food involve restriction, binge eating, you know that binge restrict cycle where you eat and eat and eat and eat and then you feel bad so you restrict, you restrict, you restrict. All the crazy diets that people do, everything from Slimming World and Weight Watchers and those kind of normal diets that people do through to the very restrictive things like fasting or shakes diets, all the really really extreme stuff, cutting out carbs, doing keto, cutting out whole food groups, that sort of thing. If you asked yourself, when you look at your diet, would I do this if I really loved myself? What would the answer to that question be? For me, it's a hard no. If I really loved myself, would I put my body into states of starvation? Would I take away whole food groups? Would I restrict calories? We're talking starvation, I've already used that as an example. But would I restrict the types of foods that I eat? No, I wouldn't, not if I really loved myself, because I want my body and my mind and my emotions to be satisfied by the food I eat. So if I loved myself, what I'm actually going to do is have food that I love. Feel-good food. Food that satisfies my body. Food that satisfies my soul. I'm gonna have tasty food. I'm gonna have the tastes and the textures, the flavors, the types of foods that I really enjoy. The type of food that if I sit down to a meal and that's on my plate I am overjoyed. That's the type of food I'm going to eat. I'm going to eat regularly. I'm going to nourish my body with the foods that I eat and the amounts of food that I eat. So I'm going to give my body a good range of food and I'm going to give it food regularly. My body is not going to feel like it's missing out on anything. My emotions, my soul, my mind not going to feel like they're missing out on anything when I'm eating. If I truly love myself, I am really tuning into the intuitive side. I am asking my body, I'm asking my mind, what do I want, what do I need? And then I'm gonna honor that. If I love myself, I'm not gonna let myself get starving hungry. I'm just not going to let myself get to that point of hunger, unless of course there's little control around it, you know, if I've not got access to food, that sort of thing. But I'm not going to intentionally go hungry. And likewise, on the whole, I'm probably not going to eat past the point of fullness. Because when I'm doing those things in my body, I'm not giving it the respect and the care that it needs. So that's how I would approach food if I truly love myself. Do you see how the 2 feel different? To binge eat, to restrict, to do the crazy diets, that sort of thing. It doesn't feel kind, it doesn't feel loving, it doesn't feel respectful. And the other things, the types of food you eat, eating lots of different foods, eating regularly, eating according to how your body feels. Doesn't that feel much more like you're giving yourself love and kindness? I can use that theory around clothes as well. So if I really love myself, if I truly love myself, what am I doing in my approach to clothes? Am I wearing clothes that don't fit? Am I wearing clothes that are too tight? Am I wearing clothes that hurt by the end of the day. Am I wearing clothes that completely hide my figure? No, I'm not. That's not kind and respectful to my body. That is not treating it with respect, that is not making my body feel loved and cared for. That's just not how it's going to feel to wear clothes that are too tight, is it? You know, if you take clothes off at the end of the day that are too tight, say your waistband on your trousers is too tight and you take them off and you've got that horrible red mark around your waist, that's far from feeling good, That's far from feeling loved and cared for. So the alternative is you find clothes that fit you properly. They're the right size. The right size for your body. If I am truly showing myself love, I am wearing the right clothes, the right sizes, the right shape. I'm wearing clothes that suit my body, size and shape, so that I am comfortable. And of course there are clothes, right, that are just not comfortable. There are some clothes that are not designed for comfort. But on the whole, through my days, I wanna be comfortable. And that doesn't mean that I don't need to look good, it doesn't mean that I have to walk around in tracky bottoms and loose t-shirts, not at all. But I can wear clothes that I'm comfortable in. I can wear clothes that are the right size for my body. I'm not squeezing my body into clothes that are too small anymore. So if I truly love myself, am I wearing those clothes that hide my figure? Or am I wearing the really nice comfy clothes? The clothes that fit, the clothes that suit me, the clothes that are the right shape for me, and the clothes that don't necessarily hide my figure. And Again, I'm not talking about wearing clothes that hug your figure so tight and show off every lump and bump and curve. That is absolutely not for me. That is not my cup of tea at all. But There is a difference between wearing clothes that are too big so that people can't see your shape and wearing clothes that look good on you because they are the right shape and size and you don't need to have big swamping clothes to achieve that. You can show off your waist. It doesn't matter what size you are. Maybe you've got glorious hips. Maybe you've got a very nice bust. There's lots of different parts of your body that you might want to be proud of and accentuate and show a little more of. You don't have to feel bad about that and just because you're in a bigger body, if you're in a bigger body, that doesn't need to be hidden away. So showing yourself the love, the respect, the kindness, the compassion, all of that, that's doing those things for yourself. You can apply this question to self-care too. How would I treat myself if I truly loved myself so that I was giving myself that self-care that I deserve and I am entitled to. Simple things like showering in the morning or washing in the morning, showering in the evening or having a bath, whatever your preference is. That's self-care. That's taking care of yourself. I know that some people might laugh when I say that, but it's a very real thing. If you don't love yourself, if you don't care for yourself, if you don't respect yourself, it can be very easy to slip out of doing those things. Oh, it doesn't matter, I'll have a shower tomorrow. Oh, it doesn't matter, I'll just brush my hair today, I won't wash it. Oh, I can probably get away without cleaning my teeth. I just can't be bothered. You know, if you're lacking in energy, if you don't feel good about yourself, it can be very easy to take away those basics that really are keeping you healthy and fresh and clean and just, just, I don't know what it is I'm looking to say here but I know that those things are a far reach for a lot of people. People with mental health conditions for example, people who struggle because they've got health conditions. I know that there are always caveats to all these things. But if you are able to do those things for yourself and you're not, then that choice that you're making, what is that telling yourself? That you're not worthy of being kept clean? That you're not worthy of having clean teeth and healthy teeth? That you're not worthy of having nice, clean, fresh hair, that you're not worthy of putting deodorant on today or a bit of perfume, whatever it looks like. Are you telling yourself you're not worthy of that? Or are you doing those things and showing yourself that you love and care and respect for yourself? Maybe you do those things, but you could go 1 step further, so maybe using products on your hair or your skin. Or not, because you choose not to do that, because you know that actually, what you'd like to do is give your hair and your skin a rest for a little while. And that's your version of giving your hair and your skin some self-care. There's all kinds of different ways that this comes up and that this can show itself. What does that self-care look like for you? What does loving yourself in that way look like for you? What about having busy lives, busy days, are you completely overloaded? Are you looking after everyone and everything, holding down 2 jobs, under pressure for deadlines and things, running the kids around, getting them left, right and centre to all these different things that they're doing, trying to feed everybody, trying to get the house clean, all these things that it's very possible you're trying to do, where is your time in the middle of all that? Where is your time? Where is your downtime? When do you stop and look after yourself? So maybe for you, self-care and asking that question, what would I do if I really loved myself? What would I do for myself now? Maybe that looks like asking for help, asking for somebody else to take the kids for a bit, asking somebody else to do the school run, asking somebody else in the house to cook tea tonight. There's all kinds of ways that you can ask for contribution and it doesn't necessarily mean that you are not in control and you can't cope, it doesn't mean any of that. It's just taking a break man, giving yourself a bit of space, giving yourself a bit of time. Sometimes When we have control of all that stuff and you don't like to ask other people, it's because you're worried about what they might think if you ask for help. But you can just phrase it in such a way that says, oh God, I'm mad busy, Can I ask a favor? Can you please help me out for a minute? Can you do this for me? Most people just say yes. Most people will help you out. If they don't, well then cheers. No, maybe they've got a good reason why they can't help you out. And if they choose not to help you, well, that's just mean, isn't it? But you know what I mean? You can ask people to help you without it looking or sounding like you've lost control of anything. Because that's not what you're doing. You're not losing control. You're just asking for somebody else to share some of the load. And saying no, in the same vein, saying no will free up so much for you if you're a yes person. For a lot of us we don't like to disappoint people, we don't like to say no, we don't like to reject people and we will happily overload ourselves in order to say yes all the time. But maybe for you showing yourself that love looks like saying no. Can you do this for me? Not right now, no. Can you take a look at this paperwork? Could you grab me something, you know, could you stop at the shop and grab me something? Could you have the kids over? Could you... Whatever it is, whatever it is, but could you say no and give yourself that space? And what are you going to do with that space? Are you going to sleep? Are you going to chill out on the sofa and watch some TV? Are you going to put some music on and dance around the house because you can? What does it look like to give yourself that self-care? So if you truly loved yourself, what could you do for yourself? Are you going to show yourself that love and respect? Or are you going to continue to grind yourself down? Or not look after yourself, you know, not clean yourself, that sort of thing? I like this question in terms of self-development too. If I truly loved myself, how would I approach my own personal development, my own personal growth? Now maybe you don't have aspirations to develop anywhere in your life. Absolutely fine. Absolutely fine. But for me I like to keep progressing. I like to keep learning. I like to keep developing. There's lots of different ways that I like to develop. So for me, if I ask myself the question, if I truly love myself, what does that look like? Well for me, not loving myself looks like sitting in the same old same old. Not reading, not watching informative videos, not learning new subjects, not doing training that gives me another aspect to my coaching. To actually love myself for me in self-development looks like doing those things, keeping my brain ticking over and developing, just learning and staying energized by life and the things I see and the things I read and the people I talk to, all that sort of things, the groups I involve myself in. That's what giving myself love and kindness in a self-development manner looks like for me. But it could also be stepping into your power. If you loved yourself, would you step into your power? Would you take control of the awesomeness that you are? Would you stop comparing yourself to others? Would you stop giving a damn about other people's opinions. Would you see the good in yourself? Would you see the beauty in yourself? Beauty skin deep and beauty soul deep. Would you just see and appreciate the beauty that you are? If you loved yourself, would you start to see the fun in life? Would you start to see the joy that life can give you? Because the alternative of these things are constantly comparing yourself to others, constantly feeling like you're not good enough, constantly caring about other people's opinions, hearing them, thinking about them, making them up in your own head quite often, because people don't say things to your face very often, do they? So you're busy worrying about what other people's opinions of you might be, for example. You might be putting yourself down all the time. You might be really berating yourself all the time, you might be using self-deprecating language, by that I mean talking badly about yourself, you might be constantly criticizing the way you look or the way you behave. All that is not loving yourself. So if you truly loved yourself would you take back that power and would you start doing those more positive things and stop doing the negative stuff? And would you see the fun and the joy and the gratitude? Would you have gratitude for life? Because it can be easy to spend your days going, Here is another day, same old, same old. Same shiz, different day, right? Or you can get up in the morning and go, fresh new day, bring it on, let's go. And You don't have to power on through your day, but you can choose how to start the day. So, in the morning, if you choose to love yourself, if you truly love yourself, are you seeing that positive? Are you seeing the day as a blank canvas? Yes, you might have to do the same old, same old every day. But there's always something a little bit different in every day, right? Nobody is living a complete grindhog day. So what if in the morning you get up and you say, I love myself, let's have a great day. And you take that day and you see what it holds for you. What can you be grateful for in that day? Because if you are feeling low about yourself and you are negative about yourself and you are negative about your approach to life, you're going to be thankful for very little. But if you truly love yourself and you're giving yourself that positive day, that positive approach, then you're going to see a lot of things that you can be really grateful for and happy about. And it just snowballs. It just keeps going. When life gets better, when life gets lighter, because this is what that love is right? Light. In the book he talks about it as bringing in the light. When he feels that love, it's like bringing in the light. That's exactly what I think it is. So when things get lighter, you feel better. Think when the days are actually getting lighter in the morning and the evenings are lighter for longer. How does that feel compared to winter? When it gets lighter you feel better and this is how it feels with the whole I love myself theory. The more you let that light in, the better you feel, the more positive you feel, and then you start to behave differently. Things get easier, they get more positive. Your pressures around food ease, you know, the worry, the panic, the binge eating, the restriction, the berating yourself for eating too much or whatever it is that you're criticizing yourself for around food. It just gets easier because you're taking the approach of, well, if I love myself, I'm just going to give myself a variety of food. I'm going to eat the amounts that I like. I'm going to eat the types of foods that I like, that sort of thing. It feels much more natural and much easier. Pressures around your body ease, the way you feel about your body eases. You start to see the good parts of your body, you start to value yourself and actually love yourself. You let that light in and you're feeling, maybe you feel physically lighter, maybe you carry yourself differently, maybe you dress differently, maybe you feel more confident and then although we're trying to dismiss the opinions of others, it's also important to know that when you behave differently others do respond to that. We kind of work as a bit of a mirror for people. Treat yourself how you want to be treated. People do respond to that. If you talk badly about yourself, if you talk yourself down, if you talk about your clothes in a certain way, talk about your food in a certain way, you behave in a certain way, then others believe that that's how they can treat you too. And when you start loving yourself, when you start doing things because you care for yourself, when you start eating in a certain way, walking in a certain way, dressing in a certain way. It's saying to other people, I respect myself, I love myself and this is what I expect from life in return. And others will respond to that. And they will see this light coming from you. They will see this positivity coming from you, this love coming from you. And they will. They will respond to that. So as much as we don't really pay attention to other people's opinions and what they're saying about you, it's quite nice to know that actually people will respond and start treating you much nicer if you are saying outwardly, you know, if you're giving off the energy that this is how you value yourself. And who doesn't like it when somebody says to them, oh, you look great today, you look different, you look glowing or something's different about you, what is it? And inside you're going, yep, that's because I love myself. And others see it and they respond to it and they can't quite put their finger on it, but they comment on it and that makes you feel good. So who doesn't want a bit of that in their life, hey? So this has not been a wholly food and body related episode like it usually would be, right? But it does relate to food and body. In every moment you can make your choice, whether that is food, body, self-care, the way you approach your day, anything and everything in life, you can stop and say, what would I do if I truly loved myself? What would I eat if I truly loved myself? What I wear today if I truly love myself? What would I do in this moment? How would I behave now if I truly love myself? Try it, give it a go, what have you got to lose, hey? And if it doesn't work for you, it doesn't work for you. But it's just another 1 of those things that I'm throwing in the toolbox for you to take and try and see if it works for you. How's that? I will leave you to think about that. Let me know how you got on as well. Let me know if you do try it. Let me know if it works for you. Let me know if it doesn't work for you. In the show notes, there is a text the show button. You can use that to text me. You can email me, you can message me on social media, I'm all over the place me, so get in touch, let me know how you get on. Also check out the membership, check out Eat From Within. This month is February, I can't believe we're in February already. This month's topic in the membership is going to be about how we think about health and how we manage intuitive eating and body confidence with balancing how we feel about our health and being healthy and that old age thing of well you have to be on a diet to be healthy, You have to lose weight to be healthy. So that sort of stuff. That's what we're talking about in the workshop session in the membership this month. So the link for that is also in the show notes. Come on in, come and join us and get involved in the chit chat about all things food and body image. It's lovely. You'll love it in there, I promise. All right, well, I don't promise, but I think you will. Okay, take care of you. I will speak to you really, really soon. And yeah, you're awesome. So what will you do today if you really really loved yourself? Go ask yourself that question. Ta-ra!