147. 3 reasons why it's so hard to stop dieting

Have you ever wondered why it’s so hard to let go of old habits, even when you know they aren’t really helping you? You might recognise that dieting makes you miserable, but you keep going back. Or maybe you’re fully aware that constantly body-checking in the mirror isn’t doing you any favours, yet you just can’t seem to stop.

You’re not the only one - I was there with you at one point. I knew that the dieting, the binge eating, and the criticism in the mirror was not good for me, but I did it over and over again. 

We don’t hold onto behaviours for no reason though. There’s always something deeper at play. Quite often those old habits around food and body image are actually trying to protect us - even if they’re also keeping us stuck, and even if it doesn’t feel like it.

So in this episode of The Intuitive Eating & Body Positivity Podcast I’m looking at 3 of the biggest reasons why it’s so hard to stop dieting, what keeps you holding on to old behaviours, and asking you how do they really serve you?

Also, I’ll tell you how I’m quite amazed at the new drink I discovered this week - it blew my mind when I found it 🤯

Transcript

0:09

Welcome to the intuitive eating and body positivity podcast. I'm Terri and I'll be talking about all things intuitive eating, body positivity and health at every size and shaking off weight stigma, diet culture and food rules so that we can all have a better relationship with food and our bodies. Hello. I'm a little under the weather today, so my apologies in advance for my very croaky voice. And if I am a little bit sniffily, I'm going to try really hard not to sniff on mic. But if it creeps in, if there's just a little bit that creeps in and I don't notice it, and I can't edit it out because I didn't know it was there, I apologize in advance. I'll try really hard not to. I've been away with the girls on a pool weekender, and it was really, really good fun. But I spent five hours in a car each way, and we all shared a living accommodation while we were there for four days. And guess what? The people that I had to share those spaces with that were ill have kindly donated it to me. Sharing's caring, I know. But some things I'm alright with not having shared. It is unnecessary. I do not need to share in their pain physically. I was there doing it with them emotionally. So yeah, I'm feeling a bit ropey. I don't feel too bad at the moment, but this is day one. This is day one of this illness and I've seen where it goes. So I'm not looking forward to the next few days. But hey-ho, what can you do, hey? What can you do? Tell you what I did discover, though, while I was away this weekend. Listen to this. Pepsi Max, no, not Pepsi Max, Pepsi, but cream soda flavored Pepsi. What? I love cream soda. I really love cream soda. I love how sweet it is. I love the creaminess of it. I love, yeah, I just love it. I really love it. Proper cream soda. Cheap cream soda is not that good. Cheap cream soda tastes a bit chemically. But proper, proper cream soda is just lovely. And went to the supermarket when we got to this place that we stayed at this weekend. We always head straight to the supermarket because we always have accommodation where we can cook and stuff. So we tend to get there, drop our bags, go straight to the supermarket, buy some food and drink to see us through the next few days. And then we don't have to spend an absolute fortune on food and drink in the venue. It gets really expensive when you go away to these things, so we always go and do a bit of a food shop, and then we've got stuff to eat and drink over the few days. Well, as we headed into Tusco, and there, as you walk through the door, was a display of new Pepsi flavours. Now, you know my love for Pepsi. You know my love for a cola beverage, don't you? So imagine my joy when I see cream soda flavoured Pepsi. There was also a strawberries and cream one. Didn't really fancy that so much, but I thought, you know, this could be terrible. The cream soda one could be awful or it could be brilliant. And as I poured it into the glass, I'm thinking, this looks like when you're in a pub and the postmix has gone. Now, if you've worked in a pub, you'll know what that means. If you don't work in a pub or you've never worked in a pub, Coke and soft drinks on draft come mainly in this kind of bag-in-box situation and it's a syrup. The syrup is called post-mix and then as it gets pumped through to the nozzle when they're serving it to you, it gets mixed up with other things like the carbonated water and stuff and then that creates the Pepsi. Do you like my little tour of life in a pup? Anyway, when that starts to run out, when the post-mix starts to run out, when the syrup starts to run out, it has that look that makes it look a little bit see-through. Do you know what I mean? If you've ever been served a glass of Coke in a pub and it doesn't look quite right, it looks a bit see-through, that's when the post-mix is going and they're like, sorry, we need to go and change it. Well, that's what this cream soda flavoured Pepsi looks like and I was pouring it going, Hmm, I don't know if this is going to be okay. But it is brilliant in a glass. I love it. I absolutely love it. I have yet to try the strawberries and cream one. I don't know if I'll bother. I wasn't that excited about it. But this, this could be here to stay. Or it might just be a treat every now and again. Something that I go, oh, do you know what I really fancy? I really like finding things like that, don't you? Things that you can get a bit excited about. And I don't want them to become the norm. I don't want them to become something I have every day. So this might just be one of those things I have every now and again. I might have to buy some in case they take them out of stock. What if it's a limited edition thing? I might have to buy some anyway and stash them away. That's a good idea, isn't it? Right, I don't know how long my voice is going to last, so let's get into what I came here to talk to you about, other than Pepsi. Let's talk about three reasons why you can't stop dieting. Now, because of how my voice is going, I might just rattle through this and not do a deep dive, give you all my thoughts on it. But I wanted to give it to you anyway, because I think it's worth thinking about. We know that it's hard to let go of dieting. We know that. It's hard to let go of any habit. If you stop smoking, if you stop drinking, if you stop, I don't know, whatever it is, whatever habits you have, biting your nails, you know, all sorts of things, it's a really hard thing to do to let go of them because habits ingrain in you. So even if you know that they're not really helping you, and that they make you miserable, you still keep going back to doing it. You know, if you are a nail, I've never been a nail biter, but if you have been a nail biter, I'm sure you know how painful it can be when you get down to the skin, you know, when you get down and the edges all go a bit raw. Oh, bless you. If that's you, I do feel for you because I've never been a nail biter, but I can imagine how painful that is. What else? Smoking. I did give up smoking and my husband gave up smoking. We struggled in differing degrees of struggle. He found it a lot harder than I did, but it still was a hard habit to break. There is the physical addiction side to it, but there's also the habit of when you're a smoker, you say things like, I'll just have a cigarette and then I'll do this. I'll just have a fag and then I'll do that. I'll just have a smoke and then I'll do that. I'll just have this and then I'll go to bed. I'll just have this and then I'll do some washing up. You know, it becomes a part of your day or it becomes the first thing you do when you get up in the morning or it becomes something you do with your friends when you socialise. It goes hand in hand with drinking quite often, smoking. So quite a few people I know are very much social smokers though they don't tend to don't tend to smoke unless they're out drinking. And the same with alcohol. That becomes a habit. If you go to the pub, you will have an alcoholic drink. If you are in certain social situations, you might have an alcoholic drink. If you go to a party, if you go to the races, there's all sorts of things you can do when you associate it with having a drink. Well, food also has that kind of link. Dieting also has that kind of link. It becomes a habit. So even when you know it's not good for you, you still keep going back to it. Maybe you're actually fully aware that you're constantly doing these things. Maybe you're fully aware that your dieting habits are still there, even if you're trying to let go of them. Maybe you are fully aware that you are always body checking, you know, pulling your clothes, checking your shape and your size in the mirror, that sort of thing, but you just can't seem to stop. And you're not alone in this. The truth is we don't hold on to behaviors for no reason. There's always something deeper at play. And often those old habits around food and body image are things that are trying to protect us. Even if they're keeping us stuck, even if they're keeping us in this place that we don't want to be, your behaviors are a protection method, I guess. So let's have a look into this. I'm going to give you three reasons why, and you can have a think about it and think what applies to you. But it's worth thinking about it and digging into it a little bit for yourself, really. Reason number one, familiarity. The comfort of familiarity. Old habits feel safe, don't they? Even the ones that make us feel miserable. And that's weird, right? But think about it. If you've spent years tracking every bite of food, following strict food rules, stepping away from that feels like stepping into the unknown. I can't tell you how many people have said to me, if I stopped dieting though, I don't know what I'd eat. I think I'd lose control, but I don't know what I'd eat. And so for them, for you, if that's you, staying on that diet plan means you know what you're doing. It's familiar. You know what you're eating. You know what you're allowed to eat. You know what keeps you where you are. Maybe you've counted calories, maybe you've followed a plan for so long that you don't know how to eat without it. Maybe you've always finished every meal on your plate, all the food on your plate, because that's what you were taught as a child. So maybe you've grown up from a very young age, always having to finish the food on your place. So now what you do is you finish the food on your plate. It's a habit. It's familiar. And maybe you don't know quite what's going to happen if you stop finishing all the food on your plate. Maybe you check your body in the mirror every morning because it's part of your routine, even if it makes you feel bad. I know that one. I used to do that. I used to, my face particularly, I used to focus on and it would make me feel awful, but I would do it and I would look in the mirror and I would really give myself a hard time. But I did it because that's what I did. So maybe for you it's looking at your face in the mirror, maybe for you it's looking at your body in the mirror, but maybe that is part of your routine each day. And it doesn't matter that if it makes you feel bad, it's familiar and it's routine and you do it. So even if these habits aren't familiar, aren't helpful rather, they're familiar and that can be comforting even when it's keeping us stuck. especially if you're in a place in your life where things are a little bit topsy-turvy too. If life feels a little bit mad and you've got this routine, this habit that is a part of your day that is normal, that can really make you feel like you've got a part of your life that is still familiar and safe and comfortable. Reason two is it could be protection from an emotional discomfort. Here's the thing, food and body-related behaviors are not just about food or our bodies, okay? They are about emotions. Everything is linked to emotions. Restricting food might help you feel in control when life feels overwhelming. Binge eating might temporarily numb a sadness or a stress or loneliness. Whatever it is, that binge eating might be dampening down a feeling that you're trying not to feel. And constantly checking your body might be a way of seeking reassurance. So even though you're body checking, even though you're looking in the mirror and criticizing yourself, what you're actually looking for is a reassurance, a comfort. And if you stop doing these things, maybe you start to feel the discomfort that you're trying not to feel. These behaviors are protecting you from dealing with something deeper. And while they might give you a short-term relief, in the long run what they're doing is they're likely keeping you from truthfully addressing the emotions underneath. I recognize this in myself. I had to get help to see that. My binge eating was covering up emotions from years of emotional stress, years of the responsibility that was put on me in a situation, all sorts of things. And it took somebody to point out that when I was eating like that, what I was doing was trying to dampen down these emotions. And so, you could ask yourself, when you are eating like this, when you are restricting food, when you are binge eating, when you are dieting, when you are checking your body, what feelings might be you, might be you? See, every time, isn't there? Every episode, what might be you? What feelings might you be avoiding when you're turning to these habits? Is there something? Could you do something to break that pattern? My pattern break was instead of coming home and eating, what I would do was come home and dedicate half an hour of my time to doing something else. I won't tell you what that was because that's personal to me, but my pattern break was after running around, after doing what I have to do all day, I come home and I gave myself a 30-minute window where I dedicated my time and my attention to doing this activity. And for you, maybe that could be puzzles or crocheting or sewing or something, I don't know, painting, reading, watching TV, if that's what it means for you to break your pattern. But sometimes what you need to do is put in this pattern interrupt, put in this breaker, that makes you do something else and something that makes your emotions feel good, right? For me, my activity was something that made me feel good, made me feel like I'd done something lovely for half an hour, did something that was really enjoyable. and that made me laugh or smile or, you know, that break in there was enough for me emotionally to feel better. So what can you put in your day that will help you with that emotional break? What can you do that is just a small part of time that can make you feel better and soften your emotions a little bit? Not soften your emotions but help ease the emotions that you don't want to feel. I'm not saying you have to go out there and head on attack these emotions. That's not what I'm saying and that's not what I'm advising you because I am not qualified to help you with that. I'm not a therapist in that respect. But what I'm saying is when you go through the everyday, everyday routine habits you don't give yourself chance to break the cycles and sometimes doing something that makes you feel better emotionally can be enough to to really delay or even offset completely the eating behaviours or the body checking behaviours and it makes you feel good instead of making you feel negative, so that's nice. I hope that makes sense. It's hard to get into that without going into some kind of counselling and therapeutic mode and that's not me, that's not what I do, that's not what I'm here for. I'm just here to say that when you're doing these behaviours they're quite often protection from an emotional discomfort and you can do things to help you to break that pattern. The third one is a fear of letting go. Letting go of these habits can be really scary. And I know I've already said once that it can be a fear of, well, if I don't do this anymore, then I don't know what's going to happen. But for some people, it's not just a not knowing what's going to happen. It's an actual fear of letting go. And actually, I think this one might be better described as fear of judgment. Because we know from our own experiences that if we're scared of what might happen, we're scared of losing control, we're scared of the weight gain, we're scared of, you know, whatever it is you're worried about, if you let go of dieting, that's the letting go of the control. That's the fear of the control slipping. That's the fear of the familiarity slipping, that's point one. But the fear of judgment is a different thing because we've been taught for so long that weight gain is bad. And so if you stop dieting and you put weight on, what will people think? If you've spent years structuring your life around these food rules, the idea of eating intuitively can feel far too unstructured. And then how do you explain that to somebody? How do you explain that that's the right thing to do? If dieting has been a way to bond with friends or to feel included, then stepping away from that can feel like you're losing your place or losing your friends or losing connections. And that's a hard thing to think about. I've lost people along the way in this journey. I've changed. I've grown. I've stopped doing things that I used to do. I have changed my social circles. Not all of this is food related, but I know that through stopping dieting, being happier with myself, I've been confident in a different way. And so the friends that I used to associate with, well, some of them don't really, they don't really have anything in connection with me anymore. because everything I used to do with them was diet related. I'd go to a diet club. We'd talk about food and the plan and what we did this week and what we didn't do that week. We'd message through the week about how it was going and recipes and things like that. There were people on Facebook that I was friends with because they had that connection. When I stopped doing all of that, some of these people slipped away because I didn't have anything to talk to them about anymore. And it can be a scary prospect that wondering what your friends are thinking, wondering what people you know and have always had around you would think about what you're eating, whether you're eating differently. How will they comment? How will you be able to respond? What if they don't understand and you can't explain it because you don't know enough about it yet. You just know that this is the right thing for you. By the way, if that is you, you can just point them in the direction of my podcast because I explain all of this to them for you. But it's real, right? What if people do notice that you're eating differently and you can't explain it? That's a difficult place to be. Because for some people it doesn't seem to be enough for you to say, I just don't want to diet anymore. I'm sick of beating my body up like this. I'm sick of the restriction. I'm sick of being hungry. I'm sick of constantly thinking of food all the time. I'm just going to eat what I want to eat now. Well, for a lot of people, that seems like a ridiculous thing to do because, oh my goodness, what about all the weight you've lost and won't you put weight on and what do you mean you're going to have a donut for breakfast? Some people will not understand this stuff. They just won't because they're not ready for it themselves. And what if somebody does make a remark about your body changing? What if they do comment about your weight? What if they do notice that you're gaining weight, maybe you're gaining weight and you're okay with it because you're doing this work, but they're not okay with it? Because that is also very possible and real. They will not be okay with you changing and putting weight on. I mean, I don't know why. Well, actually, I do know why, but before I explain why, it seems mad, doesn't it? that people should be upset with you for your body changing. But the reason is quite often that they are jealous. They don't want to be dieting either. They want to be happy in their body, but they don't know how. They want the confidence that you are now getting, and they don't know how. It is often a reflection of them being projected onto you. So please be reassured that when these people are getting a little bit snarky about the fact that you are gaining weight or you're changing somehow, your personality is changing because your personality might change when you change your relationship with food and your body. You become more confident and they don't really like that. You start to have a voice about these things and maybe they don't like that either. But know that's on them. Because you are bettering yourself. You are doing what's right for you. You're doing what makes you feel healthier. You are doing what your body deserves. You are getting the confidence that you deserve. You feel good about yourself and you deserve that. And some people don't understand because they're not in that place. But know that that's on them. That's not a you issue. That's a them issue. For sure. They might not realize why you're doing it all. They might not be in that place yet. But you need to do what's right for you. And I firmly believe that. But I do understand that that fear of what might happen is enough to stop you moving out of dieting. It's so tough, isn't it? Because diet culture has taught us that being in control of food and your body is something to be praised. Stepping away from that can feel like you're breaking the rules, right? Or worse, and now you're being judged for it. But here is also the thing. True friendships are based on so much more than shared dieting struggles. My closest friends, the friends that I have the most in common with, the friends that I laugh till I cry with, are people who share so much more with me than dieting stuff. That's the real stuff in life. This dieting stuff is surface level. This dieting stuff is, it's not real. You know, there's so much more about life that is more real than this. And real confidence comes from trusting yourself, not from sticking to somebody else's rules, not for staying stuck because you're worried about what somebody else will think about you. You take that confidence, you put your trust in yourself and you move yourself forward. I guess the biggest question is, are these behaviours actually really serving you? We justify our behaviours all the time. Last week's episode will tell you about that, right? Have you listened to it yet? You justify so much all the time around what you're doing. And you tell yourself it's good for you. You tell yourself it helps you. But are these behaviours really helping you? Tracking every meal might feel like it's helping you to stay on track, but is it actually causing you stress and anxiety? Are you actually spending more time tracking and thinking about these foods, and it's creating this stress, it's creating this mental drain, and it's making you anxious? Weighing yourself every day might feel like you're keeping control. But is it actually ruining your mood? Is it actually controlling what clothes you put on that day? Is it actually harming how you feel about yourself that day when the number fluctuates? Following food rules might feel safe, but is it stopping you from enjoying meals with your family and friends? Is it stopping you getting involved with things at work? Is it stopping you socialising? Are those foods are all safe or are they getting in the way of you fully enjoying life? If something is making your life smaller, more stressful or less joyful, it is probably not serving you well in the way that you think it is. So have a little look at these things in your day that you think are really good for you in this respect and why you don't want to step away from dieting and body checking. and decide whether they're actually positives or not. In fact, try and find the negative side of it. See if that helps. Try and see the negative side of the behaviours around your food. I won't pretend this is easy, but I will say it is possible. You don't have to do it all at once. So here are a few small ways to start this shifting. If you weigh yourself every day, try skipping a day. See how that feels. And then if it's all right, try a couple more days. See how it feels. If you track every bite of food, try eating one meal without logging it and see what happens. You might feel stressed out by doing this, or you might feel like it's a little bit freeing. What do you know? You can eat a meal without writing it down. Who knew? And it's fine because guess what? The world doesn't end. But try it. Try. Just start small. If you always choose diet-friendly meals at restaurants, try ordering what you actually want. Just once. Try it. See how it feels. If you always choose the diet-friendly options in the supermarket, then why not put one thing that you actually want in your trolley in place of a diet option? See how that feels. If you feel guilty for missing a workout, remind yourself that rest is just as valuable as movement. And if you needed that rest, then that's good for you too. But most importantly, be really kind to yourself because letting go of these old behaviors is not about failure. It is about learning a new way of being. There is no failure when it comes to intuitive eating and body positivity stuff. It's learning. If you feel like you have a setback, you take something from it and you move forward again. It's about learning how to trust yourself again. We don't hold on to these old behaviours because we're weak or because we're broken, right? We hold on to them because on some level they feel safe and they feel like they're protecting us. But if they're also keeping us stuck, then maybe it's time to question whether they're really, really serving us. So here is something to think about. What is one behaviour that you're holding on to that might not be helping you anymore? Start there. and let me know. Drop me a message. Share with me. I won't share with anybody else. I'll just sit here and be really pleased for you and I'll just be somebody that you can message and say, guess what I did today? I let this go. And I'll be like, woo, go you. because I always want to support you in your wins and I know that not everybody has people around them that they can vent this stuff to and share this stuff with. You know, it can be a lonely place to be when you're trying to get out of dieting. I understand that. Not everybody has people who understand it. So, yeah, awareness is the first step, right? Awareness is the first step of change. So, Have a think about how your food rules and your behaviors are holding you back. And then you can be aware of it and you can start to move forward. Because you, my friend, deserve more than old habits that keep you stuck. You deserve the freedom that comes with letting them go. How does that sound? I know how I sound now, so I'm going to wrap it up here. Have a really great week, take care of yourself, be kind to yourself and know that you're amazing and I'll speak to you next week. Bye for now.