156. Are you seeking permission to be you?

In this episode, I’m talking about the hidden ways we ask for permission from others in our life. From what we wear to how we show up at work, in relationships, and on social media, we’re often seeking permission or seeking approval from others.

You’ll hear about a powerful conversation I had with a coaching client who realised she was constantly looking to others for approval in what she wears to work, and the colleagues that she looks up to and compares herself to.
We unpack where that need for permission comes from, how it shows up in sneaky ways (hello, “does this look okay?”), and what it costs us when we 
And of course, there’s a reflection prompt to help you take what we’ve talked about and start applying it in your own life.

💬 Ready to stop seeking permission and start owning your space? Press play.

Transcript

0:09

Welcome to the Intuitive Eating and Body Positivity podcast. I'm Terri and I'll be talking about all things intuitive eating, body positivity, and health at every size. And shaking off weight stigma, diet, culture, and food rules so that we can all have a better relationship with food and our bodies. Hello. Guess what? I've got good news. I come to you with good news this week. Luna is home. She came creeping into the garden one afternoon and we just froze, like, Ugh, there she is. What do we do now? And we coaxed her up to the door. She was clearly very hungry, meowing at us from the end of the garden, and we coaxed her up to the door. I put down a feeder for her. She ate. She was very hungry and. Bless her heart. She was very skinny, so I gave her some food. Now, in a moment of panic, you don't go right. What is a sensible approach to feeding my cat? You go. She's hungry. She's been out there for weeks. I need to feed her. Now I know that a human being who has not eaten for a few weeks needs very careful refeeding. You can't just shock the body with loads of food again, uh, it does all kinds of weird things to the body. I didn't think this about my cat, did I? I was just like, she's hungry. I need to feed her. So I fed her. Luckily she was fine. I fed her. She had some water and then she wouldn't quite come into the house. I don't know what she was nervous of, but she just wouldn't come into the house. And she went and she hid under some furniture outside. We had to go out. So we left her there and I thought, right. She knows where the food is now. She knows where the water is. She knows where we are. Okay, that's good. Came back home. Couldn't coax her in. And then my daughter comes home after work and she works really weird shifts, like not weird shifts, but she works very late. I think they're weird'cause I wouldn't do them. But she works until early hours of the morning and so she comes home at about three o'clock in the morning, happens three, she's looking at going to bed, turns the light off, and there are these two little eyes peering through the cat flap. Yeah. There she was outside. She didn't really know how to get home. She didn't know how to get in. She didn't know how to come through the cat flop because if you remember, she bolted. That was it. She just bolted through it very quickly and she's never known how to use it either way. So she didn't know how to get into the house. She was just the other side of this cat flap meowing. So my daughter opens the door and she comes trotting in. She just comes trotting in. Now they've always had this bond, right? She was, when she was brand new to us, the cat, not my daughter. Um. My daughter was the one who spent an awful lot of time sitting and just being a very lovely, calm presence in the room. And so they've got this little bond and Luna will follow her around the house. She won't do it for anybody else, but she will follow her. And I wonder if the fact that it was her coming home and coming in is what attracted Luna back into the house. Either which way I am very grateful that she's home and she's back in. We took her to the vets. She is very thin, very, very, very thin. She clearly hasn't eaten. The vet thinks that she's survived on the odd mice. Mice. The odd mice. Nope. The odd mouse or a bird maybe. But she said she's, she's not really eaten. And she's very dehydrated, but not poorly enough to keep her in the vets. So this is good. So now she's here and she's home and she hasn't ventured out again. She hasn't been anywhere near the cat flap, but she is back to square one on the old confidence scale. She is very nervous still. She's hiding away a lot. Still. Oh, it's just. It's frustrating because we've put a a year of work into trying to relax her and now it feels like we've had a massive setback. But she's home and that is the main thing. So that is the news I come to you with this week. I am not gonna tell you anything else because that is just the best news ever. So no need for me to talk about anything else in life other than Luna is home. Thank goodness. Hmm. Today I wanna talk about permission and seeking permission from other people. Mainly. I had a session with a client last week and we talked about a lot of things. We talked mainly about confidence in the clothes that she wears to work and the fact that she has a work wardrobe that is quite small and she doesn't feel comfortable in it, and she's comparing herself to other people in the office and what they wear and what they look like, that sort of thing. And we got to the bottom of this and we actually realized that. She's seeking approval from the people around her. That's what it boils down to. Her clothes choices, the people she looks up to, the people she surrounds herself with. The fact that she doesn't wear some things that she would like to wear because maybe people won't approve of it. The clothes that she wears are safe for her even though she's not happy in them. So we, we spent nearly an hour just. Talking about this and getting into it, and this is what we came up with. This is what came out of her.'cause that's the beauty of coaching. I don't tell anybody what it is. It comes out of you as the coachee, as you do the work and you process things. She realized that she's seeking permission from other people all the time in various different ways. And we do that, right? We do it all the time. We wanna fit in. We want other people to like us. We want to be perceived a certain way. It's very, very natural. But sometimes that permission granting or the permission approval, no permission seeking, can really restrict you in the way you behave, the way you dress, the way you show up, the way you eat, the all sorts of things. But you only really need approval from yourself, and this is what we came to at the end of this session, was that if you really wanna be yourself, if she really wants to be herself, that it can be okay without having the permission from other people. I. Now I really, really appreciate her allowing me to talk about this. I did ask permission, of course, I would never talk about client journeys without seeking permission, but I thought this is such a great topic. So I said, would you mind if I discussed it on the podcast? So I really, really appreciate that. We'll stay anonymous. I'm not disclosing any more details. It's just the, the situation around it. Um. But it's important I think, to have these realizations and then be able to work through it. So let's look at why we seek permission Quite often, this is a childhood conditioning type of thing. From a very young age, you are told what to wear, aren't you? You are told what's appropriate, what's not appropriate, what sort of style you should wear. Quite often as a young child, you are dressed in the same sort of style as your family likes to wear, that sort of thing. You are told how to act. You are told how to be. You are told how to behave, and for an awful lot of children and young adults, this also looks like. Be quiet. Don't be seen. Don't stand out. Don't make a show of yourself. That's a thing that I heard when I was little. Don't make a show of yourself. Don't show me up. Don't make a scene. Don't make people look at us. Don't be an attention seeker. We hear it all the time when we're little and sometimes we hear it off other people too at any age. We hear comments on the way we behave, the way we act, the way we dress, the way we approach life, the way we approach the world. And you might hear those comments directly to you. You might hear them in passing. It might be that you are not supposed to hear it and you hear it, or you see it written or somebody comments on a social media post, or there's lots of different ways that you can have these comments and receive these comments. And they all factor into how you feel about yourself and how you show up. And then there's social comparison looking to others for cues. Instead of tuning into your own preferences, you always want to be approved and pleasing other people. Some people will say that they are people pleasers. Some people will say. I always do things to seek the approval of others. I, I do it just to keep people happy. But even if you are not what you would consider to be a people pleaser, there's always gonna be a degree of you that is seeking that approval from others. Is comparing yourself to other people and wondering if you fit in, wondering if other people like it, wondering if other people are happy with what you are doing or saying or being, you know. This used to be a survival mechanism for human beings. Maybe it still is to a degree. The safety is in numbers. The survival of the human species is to do with groups of people staying as groups of people so that they out battle out, run out, whatever. Other groups of people, this is how the human race survived through groups and people being part of a, oh, I keep saying groups, but I dunno how else to describe it. Basically, if you were in a group. You are safe. And so that is in us as human beings. We do want that approval. We do want to be a part of a group. We want to fit in. Nobody wants to stand out and be the target, but there is a cost to this. There's a cost of always seeking that permission. Holding back your personality is a big one. Maybe you have a dress style, a dress sense that doesn't fit in with your group of friends, that doesn't fit in with your colleagues. Maybe your office has a certain dress code, uh, a certain style of dress that has to be adhere to, but you have dressed yourself down really to fit into some boxes. There's absolutely no element of your style anymore. Well, that's you suppressing you. That's you suppressing your personality, your quirks, your humor, your individuality. Productivity also gets drained as a result of these things. If you are spending your time at work, worrying about what you're wearing, whether you fit in, whether it's acceptable. If you are wearing clothes that you don't like, that are not comfortable, that you don't think is your natural style, maybe it fits, but you don't really like the style of it. You know, you can end up focusing more on how you look rather than what you're capable of and your focus shifts because not only are you focusing on the clothes, you are also. Losing a confidence. You are not showing up fully. You are not showing up in this confident, powerful, um, assertive, maybe happy way that you know you can, because a part of you is restricted or a part of you doesn't feel confident. And with that, your productivity drains because you're so worried about yourself. That you don't then focus fully on what you're doing or what you're supposed to be doing, or your job, your family, your friends, you know, whatever situation. It's not just productivity. This works across the board. You don't focus on the moment and the time that you are in because you are focusing on the other things, you know, and you miss opportunities then as well, you know, going back to the workplace, this means. Because you are not really very confident. You are not speaking up in meetings. You are not being as active a person in the workplace as you can be. You are not showing up fully at work. It's almost like you can't be you until you've got the permission of everybody around you, and that's really not that achievable. It is not that achievable because people are difficult to please. They really, really are. You could be wearing something that you feel great in. If it is not somebody else's cup of tea, they're not gonna like it and you can't do anything about that because their tastes are their tastes and your tastes see your tastes, but you are letting their tastes. Influence what you do and what you feel and what you are in the workplace or in your group of friends. You know, I'm gonna say workplace, but let's just go with wherever you are at any time. I say workplace 'cause this is the conversation that we were having in the session. So the thoughts of that other person and what they think of your clothes is having an effect on how you show up. But in reality, you can't control that. You can't control that. You can't do anything about it. You're probably never gonna get that other person to like what you are wearing because they don't like that style. You, on the other hand, can just be happy in what you are wearing. You can be happy with your style, and then you can go about your day. Why is it so important to get the. The approval from these people. This is the question I come back to. What does that approval mean? Does it mean you are good at your job? Does it mean that you are some kind of fashion icon that people wanna follow and be like, does it mean in some way that they like you? Because that's a possibility. The fact that you're attaching their approval of the clothes to their approval of you as a person. Is it the approval that you've done something? Right, and actually it's not about the clothes, it's just the fact that they are saying you've done something right. There's lots and lots of avenues that this approval can go down and only you will know. Why you are seeking that approval, but what does the approval of others for the clothes that you are wearing matter? Why do you need people around you to like what you are wearing now for the lady I was talking to in the coaching session. She wasn't going after anything completely out there as a clothing style. Her preference for clothes was not anything mad, crazy. It's not like, no, I'm going to use these as an example. I don't mean that these clothing stars are mad, crazy. What I mean is. There are extremes in clothing, right? So it wasn't like she was wanting to go head to toe goth, you know, black, black, black, black, big kind of, uh, goth, emo dress. You know, the style. I mean, right. Everybody knows what gothic and emo means, right? Surely. Um, it's not like she was doing that. It wasn't like she wanted to rock up every day in traditional fifties style Lindy bop dresses. Do you know what I mean? Actually, there's a lady here where I live, I. She dresses like that every day. See her in town quite often, and that is what she wears. She wears these. Look, they're cute. It's not my style. This is a prime example. It's not my style, but she looks great. She wears these Lindy bop dresses, so Lindy Bop, Lindy Hop. I think it's Lindy Hop, the style, isn't it? She wears Lindy hop dresses, you know, these funky patterns, um, largely big, you know, dots and flowers and things, and all the, what is it that get the under skirt that goes underneath these dresses that keeps them kind of kicked out. 50 style. Uh. They, they're like the netting and stuff that goes under them. She always has her hair done. 50 style, you know, with the big kind of, oh, I don't know what these things are called. Are they like big barrel curls? Is that what they're called? And she, her makeup is 50 and her jewelry's 50. Her shoes are from the fifties or look like they're from the fifties. She looks fabulous. But some would say that that is out there, some that would say that that is an extreme style of dress. And so you get my point. It can take some real confidence to wear a very unique extreme style of clothing and to feel comfortable and confident in that. Absolutely. However, what we're talking about here is. Tailoring your workwear a little to your style, maybe your workplace. They typically dress in, um, blacks, grays, navy, blues, sharp suits, that sort of thing. Well, maybe your style is to wear a suit, but you like a bright color, you know, maybe you like a. Hot pink trouser suit, or maybe you like a bright yellow dress, you know, whatever. My point is, you can still be work appropriate while having a bit of you in there, and it takes a little bit of courage, I guess, to be able to put yourself in that position and say, no, I'm going to dress appropriately. I'm going to dress suitable for work. I'm going to dress suitable for the job that I do, the people I see, the clients that I meet, whatever it is, and still be me. That's still possible. Where is that balance for you and to get that? Are you going to be walking into the workplace saying, I need permission from the people to know that this is okay today? Or can you just wear it to work and know that you don't need other people's permission? You are going to wear it because it is work appropriate and it is the style that you like, and it puts a smile on your face and it makes you feel like you are dressed and ready for the day. What does that look like and feel like for you? Daily practices can be really good here as well. So checking in with yourself is a good one before you seek approval. So if you are going to, let me think of another example that's not clothes. Um, what about eating lunch at work? Do you typically take. Sandwiches and a packet of crisps and you know, a lunchbox do you basically just take a lunchbox to work and you eat it even though it doesn't really satisfy you when actually what you would like is to take a cooked lunch and sit down in the staff room with a knife and fork in hand eating your hot lunch. Now, for some people that seems like a bit of a step out there. It's going to draw attention, and this is the thing that makes some people feel uncomfortable, isn't it? The attention of it. But do you need permission to eat the food that will satisfy you? Absolutely not. Absolutely not. It could be in that situation that you say something like, oh, you don't mind if I just sit here and eat this to you? You don't mind if I heat this up? It's gonna smell a little bit. And then with the clothes, you might say, oh, well, um, do, do you think I look good in this? Do you, what do you think? Do you, do I look good in this? And it's those moments, they seem to be harmless comments. Just small comments that we would just throw, you know, just throw away comments. That's what I mean. But we do it all the time. What do you think of this? Oh, it's a little bit different. Oh, I dunno if it's me. Oh, I dunno if I should wear it. Oh, I don't know. What do you think? Oh, I'm gonna have cooked dinner today. Oh, I don't, I don't know. I don't know. Do you mind? Do you mind if I eat it All? These are little bits of. Permission seeking that we don't even know that we're doing. So it's not even that. It is always massive and you are actively looking for approval from everybody to tell you how brilliant you look or how well you are doing, or you know, whatever that permission is that you are looking for. Sometimes it's the little comments. And it's good to catch those if you can. It's good to catch yourself before you do it, because then you can check in with yourself. This daily practice becomes, before I comment and excuse myself to others for the food that I'm about to eat, do I need to do that? Do I need to pre-warn people that I'm about to sit and eat lunch that I really enjoy? No, I do not. Therefore, will I say something? No, I'm not going to. And then if anybody says something to me, oh, cooked lunch today, or, oh, that smells, or that smells nice. Sometimes that even, even with a positive comment, we feel the need to do that permission seeking, don't we? Oh, that smells nice. Oh yeah. It's just leftovers. I thought I'd, um, I thought I'd just, you know, eat them up today and, um, or you don't mind you, shall I open a window? Before you know it, you've gone down a rabbit hole of asking permission from other people. So when it comes to the clothes as well, it's sometimes harder to get that approval. And because you're seeking the permission, you're seeking the approval, you are almost waiting for the comments. So you spend the day waiting for those comments, and then you excuse it or you ask for that permission. But what you can do is stop yourself from saying to people, oh, does this look okay? Does it look okay? Now? It's nice to have other people's opinions if you trust them, your family, your friends, if you trust them to give you an honest opinion, like, what do you think of this dress on me? What do you think of it? And they might say, oh, well, you know, it doesn't quite fit you right here. Or, oh, it doesn't. Whatever, whatever the comment is. If it's a negative, it might be like, mm, it's not for you, or it doesn't quite fit you. Right. Or, uh, I dunno. I, I just don't think that it, it's your vibe, but also the positives might be, or it looks fantastic, it looks really good on you, or it fits you beautifully, it's your color, whatever the comments are. It's nice to have that from a trusted person. If what you are wearing is very, very important to you for an occasion or an event, you know, whatever. But on the whole, do you need those approvals? Do you need those opinions from others? Can you get dressed and look in the mirror and decide how you feel? Can you put something on, decide how it feels, and then look in the mirror? And if you love it, can you just wear it? And if you hate it, get rid of it. Take it off. If you are not too sure, then maybe it's not for you because you only really wanna wear things that you really like. But do you need to ask that permission? Do you need to go and find your husband, your partner, your girlfriend, your dog, you know, whoever, and say, what does this look like on me? You know, the old, the old thing. Does my bum look big in this? Um, I haven't heard that for years. Actually. Somebody say that, but that used to be a thing, didn't it? Does my bum look big in this? But do you need to ask that question to people? Do you actually need to ask that question? What is the benefit to it? They're gonna say yes, and you're gonna get a kind of nice pat on the back and you are gonna feel good about it if they say no. You're gonna feel bad about it. And what if you put those clothes on, felt really good, and then said to somebody, what do you think of this? And they go, eh, well that's just shot you down, hasn't it? You felt good until you asked that question. And ultimately, it doesn't matter what other people think of the clothes that you are wearing. If you like them, if you feel good in them, you don't need the permission of others to to do that. Right. So be careful with these little things that you're doing, these little things daily that are creeping in. Just be mindful of them and reframe it. Reframe that comparison. Be mindful of who you are and who you are looking up to, and whether that's actually aligned with who you are. Now, by this what I mean is. Sometimes we spend time appreciating others, comparing ourselves to them, wishing you could dress like them, wishing you could do your hair and makeup like them, all that sort of thing. But then if you drill down into it, what is it that you are appreciating in that person? So you might look at somebody and be like, I love their clothes. Really, really love their clothes. I wish I could dress like them. And you think about it and actually, do you wanna dress like them? Do you wanna wear the clothes that they're wearing? Or you might look at them and go, God, they're makeup. How do they do their makeup so brilliantly. And then when you think about it, do you want to spend that time every day? Getting your makeup just right. I personally would love to be able to do my makeup the way that some women can do their makeup. I'm really not good with it. I'm basic, at best with my makeup. Do I want to be able to do it? Yes. I'd like to be able to know how to do it. Do I want to do it on the daily? No, I do not. I want my morning routine and getting ready for the day to be. As hassle-free and as short as possible. I don't wanna spend half an hour getting my makeup right. I think I might spend a minute or two. Well, no, I spend longer than a minute or two, but honestly, it's no more than about five, 10 minutes just putting my face on. That's the thing. Do you admire them for what they are and what they can do and what they look like? Or do you want to be like them? Because this is a key thing in comparison, right? Comparison is us always looking at somebody else and going, I wish something, think of somebody now that you compare yourself to all the time. BodyWise, clothes wise, hair and makeup wise, whatever it is now, what do you really want to be? Or what do you want from that person for yourself? Are you actually just admiring that person? And it's not a comparison thing because that's all right. There's nothing wrong with that. There is a difference between admiration and comparison. So be mindful of who you are. Be mindful of who you are looking up to, and see if there is a misalignment there between the two. So now the person that you are looking to in the office and wishing that you could be like her, do you actually wish you could be like her or. Are you just admiring her? Maybe there are things you'd like to improve about yourself. I'm not saying that's not a possibility, but when you are doing that comparison, are you wanting to be like them or are you appreciating them and do you want something different for yourself or is that comparison you? Again, trying to fit in and get the permission, because if she looks like that, and if she behaves like that, and if she wears her clothes like that, should I do that? Should I do that to fit in? You know, what is the underlying thing that you are worried about, that you are afraid of when you are comparing, when you're asking permission from other people? So, I mean, that was quite specific, but have a little, think about the one area of your life that you've been seeking permission. What is it that you are asking permission for and how can you take that back? How can you reclaim that power for yourself? It's really important that the opinions that you hold from other people. That they don't have this massive influence, that they don't make you feel one way or another, that they don't influence how you feel in your day. That they don't influence how you feel about how you fit in with a group of people or in the workplace, you know, wherever, whatever that looks like for you. You have to hold that power for yourself. The only way that you are going to be confident is if you are sure of the choices that you are making. And if you're sure of the choices that you're making for yourself in how you look, in how you approach the day in your eating behaviors in, in anything in life, then you do not need the permission of other people. You just don't need it. It feels like a bit of a reflective one. This today. I know that I have waffled around the subject. It's really, I find a quite a difficult subject to, to try and explain without working through it with somebody. So I've tried to give you some examples. I've tried to give you a bit of an explanation. I've tried to give you some thinking points. But really sometimes you have to talk this stuff through, and that's how in this session that I had with this lady, by the end of it, we'd unpicked it and she felt much better about her choices and she had clarity on who she was looking up to and why she wanted to fit in, and how she could make some changes to be more herself in her clothing style. That's how this stuff works best is when you talk it through and you work through it. So I would love to do that with you if you would like to come and have a session with me. It only needs to be a one-off if you want, or you can have an ongoing set of coaching sessions that's entirely up to you, but it's amazing the difference that one session can make. When we went into this session, this lady was really uncomfortable with the clothes that she was choosing for work. And by the end of it, she realized why she was dressing the way she was, how she wanted to dress, how she could put herself into that, uh, what she thought of the opinion of others in her workplace so much came out of it. If you would like that for yourself, I would really love to work with you. The link is in the show notes, of course. So let's do listener comments. Um, what have I had this last week or so? Um, I had a really nice message. And it said, I thoroughly appreciate your podcast, Terri. You're spot on about Slimming World. I've done it and I've been quote unquote successful, but I took what works for me and I left the rest. Intuitive eating has been far more helpful. I'm in a straight sized body, but I no longer fear putting on weight. That is amazing, right? That's what we want in life, essentially. It doesn't matter what size body you are in. What we want is to not fear. Putting weight on. Then I had one from Glenda. Hi Terri. Oh no. I love this message. Hi, Terri. Sending healing hugs. Hope you're feeling better soon. Oh yeah, I'm feeling much better. Thank you very much. Um, yes, things are subsiding. I feel much, much better. Thank you. Also, hope Luna finds her way home safely, which she has. Bless her. Weird food preferences. Question mark. Where to start? I love roast potatoes, baked potatoes, chips, and wedges. But don't put a plate of mash anywhere near me. Yuck. On the jelly theme. Love jelly. Love ice cream. Don't even think of putting them in the same bowl. Creamy jelly. Yuck. Hmm. My husband loves pizza, toasties, et cetera, but cheese on a sandwich or as he calls it, raw cheese. He won't go near it. Love this topic. We're all a funny lot, aren't we? I like that. Yeah. I'm with you on the jelly. I mean, you heard me say from the weird food preferences episode. I, I do not like jelly. Right. I don't like jelly, but I know what you mean about the jelly and ice cream thing. That is a weird combination, isn't it? Hmm. Also, raw cheese that did make me chuck, that made me laugh a lot. Raw cheese. That's brilliant. Also don't wanna speak to soon, but I had a comment from my troll that just said, oh, Terri. Or something that basic, and I haven't heard from them since, but the fact that they made that comment means they're still listening. So hi. Takes all sorts, right? Everybody's welcome here. The way I see it, I think I said this before, the way I see it is. I welcome everybody listening to my podcast because it's not about necessarily changing people's minds. Like, this person obviously has very definite opinions on dieting and slimming world and the success that it brings for people that, that, I get this quite a lot. You know, I get a lot of comments from people who say that I dunno what I'm talking about. I, I'm clearly not successful at these things, therefore, I'm just kind of dismissing it all as a bad idea and. I'm open to that conversation. I actually had somebody comment last week. They've deleted their comments now, but the comment basically said that I was a little bit bitter and twisted and I clearly had a grudge because it hadn't worked for me, and therefore I was just bitter about it and looking for a reason to say that it doesn't work. Um, talking about Slimming world that is and. I opened up a conversation about that and I explained my history, I explained my, uh, my journey, and I said, you know, if you are in that position where you are in it and you are enjoying it and it's working, quote unquote working for you, then. Then that's okay because you are in a position where you are clearly happy with what you're doing. However, the day does come when it doesn't. It doesn't work anymore. The day does come where you want something different for, for yourself, and I hope that the people who are listening and instill in that place will have somewhere that they can get some information if they start to change their mind. Or maybe I will educate them a little bit in the non dieting way. This person on YouTube got. Quite upset about the fact that I dismiss Slimming World and called me out on all kinds of different things, and I put my comment back and I asked her politely to be mindful of the comments that she leaves for other people, because commenting on people's bodies, which she did to me, commenting on people's bodies and they are, their personal choices is. Very upsetting for a lot of people because you don't know who you're talking to, you don't know what they've been through. You don't know what their mental health is like, and so I just asked her politely to be mindful of that when she's making comments on the internet in future, and she's deleted her comments now. Good. I'm pleased because firstly, it's negativity and I don't want that. Maybe she felt bad for the comment and deleted it. Maybe she felt like I'd called her out and she wouldn't look good if other people read it. I don't know. But for whatever reason, she's taken the comment off now. I am obviously here for the people that want to know about this stuff. I'm here for the people who want to learn and want to be more involved with intuitive eating and body confidence work. I am all about that, but I also hope that I'm a resource for people like that who are in dieting, believe in dieting, but they're open to hearing other things. One day maybe I'll be a resource for them as well. And if they know that I'm here when they're ready for it, then that's fine. I'm happy with that. So, you know, I don't mind a troll every now and again and I don't mind a negative comment. I really don't because I'll just have a conversation with anybody. Me? I'll talk to anybody. Me? I'm sat here talking to you, aren't I? Anyway, I feel like I have waffled on for quite some time now. What are we? We're 40 odd minutes, aren't we? So I'm going to end it here, and I hope you have a lovely week. I hope you do a little bit of reflection on the stuff I've talked about today, and I'd love to hear from you. I really, really love your comments, so keep on coming. Let's, let's keep it, let's keep having a conversation, right? That's what it's about. Let's have a conversation about this stuff, and I will speak to you next week. Take it easy.