160. Missing the highs of a new food plan

There’s something strangely addictive about a new food plan, isn’t there? The structure. The rules. The praise you give yourself for getting it “right”. That feeling of finally being in control of your food, your body, and your life.

But once you start intuitive eating, that high disappears. And in its place is quiet and calm. It’s all a bit “meh.” It can feel unsettling, even disappointing… like something’s missing.

In this episode, I’m talking about the part of intuitive eating we don’t always admit – that sometimes, we miss the highs of dieting. 

We’ll explore:
 ✨ Why the novelty of food plans can feel so good
 ✨ What makes that buzz so short-lived (and what it costs us)
 ✨ Why the calm of intuitive eating feels weird at first
 ✨ How to settle into a way of eating that doesn’t need drama to feel meaningful

Transcript

0:09

Welcome to the Intuitive Eating and Body Positivity podcast. I'm Terri and I'll be talking about all things intuitive eating, body positivity, and health at every size. And shaking off weight stigma, diet, culture, and food rules so that we can all have a better relationship with food and our bodies. Good day to you. How are you? I think I sound a little bit c cranky today, but that is because last night I went to a concert, I went to see Bon Jovi experience and oh, I love them so much. They are not the real Bon Jovi, but they are. Apparently the only Bon Jovi tribute Act to actually be endorsed by Bon Jovi, so that's gotta be awesome, right? Oh, we go and see them every time that they come to the local theater. They are brilliant. They are so brilliant. The guys look like them. They sound like them. The lead guy even smiles like John Bon Jovi. It's so bizarre. But if you've been around here for a little while, you'll know my love of Bon Jovi. And so in the absence of real Bon Jovi, this is the next best thing. I don't think I'm actually gonna get to see actual Bon Jovi again. This makes me really, really, really sad. The thing is. They are no longer touring like they used to, but I've been to every concert in the uk, well, not every concert, every tour, shall I say, I've been to every tour that Bon Jovi has done in the UK since 1995. So it makes me quite sad to think that I won't go to see them live again. If I do, it'll be a blooming miracle. If somebody wants me to go to the States, you know, just fly me over to the states. First class. That would be lovely. Please do that. Me and a friend. Is that all right? Can you fly me over to one of their nice little intimate concerts that they're doing? Just hit me up. If you're gonna arrange that for me, that would be lovely. Thank you. But do you know what I was thinking while I was at this concert, other than. You know how loudly I was singing or how much I was dancing 'cause I was doing all of those things. I do not go to a concert and sit down. Okay? I do not go to a concert and sit and listen. I go to concerts and I take part. I sing very loudly. My singing voice is not all that, let me tell you that. But I enjoy it nonetheless, and I get up and I dance right from the beginning. I love a concert, love a concert. So when I wasn't doing that, I was having a chat with my friend and I said, you know what I'm really sad about? It's that I don't have. One of the tour t-shirts from when they came and they did their, um, their last gig at Wembley. So if you're not in the UK or if you don't know much about this sort of stuff, we had a stadium. I. Many years ago in the nineties, well it closed in the nineties, uh, Wembley Stadium. We still have Wembley Stadium. It's just a new Wembley Stadium. But the old Wembley Stadium was epic. Actual concerts at Old Wembley Stadium were amazing. And I went to see Bon Jovi at Wembley in 95. I didn't buy a tour t-shirt. In fact, I didn't buy a tart t-shirt from any of the gigs I went to. Do you know why? Because I was busy worrying about my size. What if they don't have one that fits me? What if I don't look good in it? What if I look fat in it? You know, blah, blah, blah, blah. All those old thoughts, all those old annoying thoughts. And the reality was I was very much a reasonable size then I was not. In the sort of sizes you can't get in a high street store. I was, I'm not, in fact, I'm not gonna give you my actual size. I was, um, midsize. Let's go with midsize. I wasn't quite plus size. I was average. Anyway, you get the picture. So there shouldn't have been a concern about whether or not a top would fit me. There would've been a top that fit me. I chose to believe that there wouldn't. Got all in my head about it and didn't buy the tops, and I didn't buy the tops at any of the concerts that I went to. And it makes me sad and it actually annoys me because I would love to have tops from all the gigs that I went to. I was looking at some of the guys that were in the audience and they were wearing their tall tops and I was like, oh, I'm not a brand t-shirt kind of girl. To go to something like that, I would wear one because it's all about the nostalgia of it, isn't it? And I really wish that I had one. So couple of requests. Firstly, if you're gonna fly me and a friend first class over to the States to watch an actual Bon Jovi concert, that would be awesome. But a more realistic one would be. If you've got, I say realistic, it's not realistic at all. If you've got a 1995 Wembley tour, Bon Jovi t-shirt that I can have that might fit me now in my bigger body, can I have it? Please? I will pay you. Oh, that sounds like, sounds like a bit of bribery there, doesn't it? Um, no, but you know what? I would really like that. I would really love to have a top from that tour. But alas, no. Anyway, I had a really good time. My throat's a little bit dry today, but that's, that's what life's about, right? You've gotta get out there and have some fun. Um, in other not so great news this week, a friend of mine had her Instagram taken down and I saw another woman on LinkedIn, had her account taken down, and she's a massive name in our space. She had her account taken down. What is with this going on? People just having their accounts whipped away from them. There was also a post that was put out to say that Instagram made a big mistake with a lot of accounts. This week. They shut down loads of accounts by accident. By accident Instagram, are you kidding me? But they. They, they shut a load of Instagram accounts down by accident, and these accounts are not retrievable. So no, people are rebuilding their livelihoods. They're rebuilding their names, their profiles, their spaces. How awful is that? It's horrible. So I want you to be aware that if you follow me on one of these platforms. They are not a given. They are not necessarily gonna be there for life. They are not secure. You know what is secure? My email list. So are you on my email list? If you enjoy the podcast, I actually reckon you all like getting my emails anyway because they're short, they're real. They're sometimes a little bit chaotic like the old podcast is, but. They're always going to be there. If you put your email address on my list, I have it in my records, I will send you emails, and if anybody takes the platform down for some reason, then I will put those emails into a different platform that is existing and continue to send you emails. So it's the safest space to be in, right? The link is in the show notes. Come and get on the email list. It's fun there anyway. That way you'll also get updates. Uh, you'll get news of. Promotions and new launches, all that sort of stuff. You'll get to know when there is a new podcast episode live, just in case you don't always check your app. Um, there's a few little offers. There's a few behind the scenes, bits and pieces, bit of bonus waffle photos of like the cats and things, all sorts. So yeah, please come and join the email list. The email link is in the show notes. Um, also before we get into the actual main topic of this, although I think Bonjovi could easily have been the main topic of this episode, before we get into it, quick reminder, confident conversations with your doctor is now live. My course on having confident conversations with your doctor around your weight, how to have a, an appointment that doesn't center around your weight, how to navigate that. That's now live, that went live this week. If you've ever had an appointment where you've left feeling unheard, dismissed, felt like your weight was the main topic of conversation when it shouldn't be, didn't really know how to speak up for yourself, dunno how to say no to being weighed at these appointments, all that sort of stuff, especially if you're in a bigger body, this course is for you. It will help you feel much more prepared and confident walking into a doctor's. Office knowing this stuff has drastically changed my doctor's appointments. So if you find them a bit uncomfortable, if you are delaying making appointments,'cause you're worried about those conversations, come and get this course. It is so helpful. I can't tell you actually what the feedback's been like. It's been amazing. Well, I can tell you, can't I? Um. It's been amazing. People telling me that they're amazed at how much content is in there. I know it. It was meant to be a short course and then it ended up being this wealth of knowledge. So there is, yeah, there's a lot of info in there for you. It's really good, but not overwhelming, you know, it's just a really great, really great. Source of information for this stuff. Um, so they've told me how much is in there and how much they appreciate that, um, how it's gonna make such a difference to their mindset going into appointments, how they feel empowered by it. Just such great feedback and I, I love that. So thank you if I will have replied anyway personally, but just again, thank you. If you are one of those people that signed up and gave me the feedback, I really appreciate that because when you give me feedback, it helps me to make these things better for you going forward. If you are not in there, if you haven't got it yet, the link is in the show notes. Go get it. Go get it. It's, it's such a good resource for you. Okay, so I had a moment recently one of those little thoughts that hits you when you are, you know, unloading the dishwasher or staring into the fridge. Something, something like that, you know, one of those dull moments, I realized I felt a bit flat around my food choices. I don't have the excitement around food that I used to at the moment. I think that's normal. I think everybody goes through that, right? But I was thinking, oh, what is it? Why? Why don't I have the excitement that I used to have about food? And then I remembered, you know, that weird food buzz that you get when you start a new diet or a new food plan. You know, the excitement of reading through the rules, planning meals, doing the big shop. You know, like you're gonna, like, you're going on, come dine with me or something. You've got this big ingredients list. You've gotta learn all the new things that you can and you can't eat. You've gotta figure out how you're gonna maximize your food intake with very little cost. And by cost, you know what I mean? Right. The points, the syns, the calories, all that sort of thing. You have. Got your little book with your food lists in and your tracker, which is either a piece of paper or it's an app on your phone, something like that. You know, where you tick off the good stuff you've had, like the water and how many of your five a day, and how much fiber you've had and all that sort of thing. And then you follow the plans of the letter. No slipups. No points used, no syns, because that was somehow something to be proud of. No carbs, no joy. You've done it for a whole week. You feel so bloody proud of yourself, like you've absolutely nailed it. And now you're excited for the next week and you're doing it all over again. And all the while you're going, this isn't a diet, this is a lifestyle, this is a new one. This is gonna be the making of me. And you tell yourself that this one is different. You start fantasizing about who you're gonna be once it all kicks in that version of you that has it all together, you only eat clean, you glow from within, and you somehow enjoy cheer seeds and you've not ever eaten cheer seeds before. But this, this is new. It's that, it's that feeling. That's what I'm missing. Once you start intuitive eating, that buzz doesn't really show up anymore. Not in the same way anyway. There's no new rules to obsess over. No dramatic shift to cling to no big emotional high that comes with getting everything right, you know, going into group and you're like, yes, a hundred percent. I've been on plan a hundred percent this week. Instead, you're just left with something that feels a bit. Steady, I guess quiet, dare I say, maybe even a bit boring now. And when you've been conditioned to associate food with performance and progress and praise and all that, that quietness can feel like a bit of a loss, and sometimes that's quite hard to deal with. Our brains love a new plan. There's something really addictive about a new plan. It's got a novelty and a structure and a clear goal, and our brains love that. It gives us a sense of control, doesn't it? A project to focus on a feeling of distraction when everything else might feel a bit all over the place. A bit of control. It also gives us a sense of purpose. Something to do something productive like we're working on ourselves and that, that is a win in society's eyes, isn't it? Let's be honest, society loves to praise a woman who is working on herself, but this isn't a healthy working on yourself if all you're doing is trying to lose weight. So when you follow it perfectly, you feel like this gold star student look at you nailing the male prep. Look at you tracking your water and staying in the lines. You feel like you're achieving something, like you're winning at life. And even the wobbles, right? They're built into this plan, aren't they? Because that plan will inevitably fail you. At some point, you'll think you failed it. But this, the plan has failed you, and the whole system is designed to feed off that one off day. Suddenly you're spiraling, but instead of questioning the plan, you blame yourself. Then you're back to square one. But this time with renewed commitment. You get to chase that clean slate again. Fresh planner, fresh mindset, maybe even some fresh Tupperware, you know, some new box. I'll buy some new boxes. I'll buy some new lunch boxes. I'll buy some new storage things for the fridge. You always think that's gonna fix it too, right? That's shiny, fresh start. Feeling kicks back in. You're back on track day one. The rush is back. The cycle continues disguised as self-improvement. It's a cycle and it's one that gets to feel familiar when you diet over and over again. It feels a bit comforting though, as well, doesn't it? When life feels a bit messy or uncertain, it makes sense that we would clinging to the food plan as our anchor, but with intuitive eating, there is no starting line, no shiny new rules to learn. No big weekly shop, no color coded spreadsheet. You know how much I love a spreadsheet? You have to color code it. Otherwise, how will you know which meal is protein packed? Which one is a clever syns free hack? Which one is just there to stop you falling face first into the biscuit tin? Nope, none of that, and that can feel really flat. You might catch yourself missing that buzz. Missing the structure, missing the, I don't know, the self-congratulation of being good. That little hint of pride when you ate your planned meals to the letter, resisted the biscuit that someone offered you at work, added up your daily calories, and you came in just under. But it's not about the food. It's not just about the food, it's about the validation. And when you're not chasing that validation anymore, it can feel like, um, like there's no score to keep anymore, I guess, no goals to hit. And that can be disorientating, especially when you've been doing that for years and years and years. So you might feel a bit lost, like what now? If I'm not, if I'm not tracking, if I'm not planning, if I'm not weighing and I'm measuring am I even doing anything? Here's what you need to remember in these moments. That buzz that you are missing is always followed by a crash. That plan that feels exciting on Monday. Do you remember how exhausting it was by Thursday? Day four of the same prepared salad that you batch made on Sunday To see you through the week can now feel like you're chewing hay come Thursday or Friday. Doesn't taste quite the same as how it tasted on Monday, does it? And it's not just the food that starts to feel tired, you start to feel tired, you start to feel restricted and bored. Maybe a bit resentful. Social invites become stressful because they don't fit the plan. You find yourself checking labels, overthinking your snacks, feeling guilty for the tiniest little deviation away. So that energy that you had on day one, it's now nowhere to be found and in its place is cravings, exhaustion, that feeling, that sinking feeling when you're failing again. The fantasy version of you, the one who meal preps for life, wakes up glowing, finds celery thrilling, starts to crumble. It turns into guilt and cravings, and the constant feeling like you've messed up again. And then on top of that, your weight has slowed down the novelty and the rush of that plan feels long gone. It's not your fault. That's the plan, doing exactly what it's designed to do. These businesses are moneymaking machines, after all, aren't they? And even if you're not doing a paid plan, your body is still gonna try and protect you and keep you within what it feels is a safe weight. So no intrusive eating doesn't give you the highs that the new plan does. But I also think it doesn't give you the lows. It, it gives you steadiness. It gives you a space to think about things that are not food no more, no more mental gymnastics before every meal. No more panicking over the right choices. You're just eating. It's just food, nourishment, pleasure, calm life. Intuitive eating is not flashy. It's not fancy, but it is real, and it's really good for your body because instead of swinging between restriction and rebellion, your body gets consistency. It gets enough food, it gets enough energy, it gets enough variety to feel safe, and when your body feels safe, you don't. Have to fight with it anymore. It doesn't have to fight you and the stupid diet plan that you're on, it can just get on with being a body doing all the incredible things that it's meant to do. And it gets to do it without being starved, without being second guessed. Without being restricted. It doesn't have to gain weight and hold onto it to protect you anymore. It can just settle at the most comfortable weight that it's at, and then it can just be your body can just be and do what it's supposed to do, but you're allowed to miss it too. Right? I'd like to acknowledge that you're allowed to miss that novelty. You are allowed to feel a bit adrift. This is a big shift. If you're new to intuitive eating, it can all feel a bit up and down. But over the long term, it can, it can just feel like you've kind of lost the excitement. But that's okay, because this is about life and how you live it. This isn't just about how you eat this, um, this flat feeling that you are having is. You not having the ups and downs of the diet. I think that's important to think about as well, is that you think you're missing the rush of the new diet. You think you are missing the highs of the new diet, but what's also not happening anymore is the lows. I think we forget about all the lows of the dieting. When we are thinking back to how much we're missing it. We only, we only seem to remember the. The highs and the what we see as the good bit of the diet. We don't acknowledge the bad stuff that is not there anymore either. The grief of losing that, the grief of no longer having those highs is a part of your growth. What you're letting go of is the illusion of control. It's the illusion that control is success. Control is not success. Dieting isn't actually control anyway. It might feel like you have control over your food and your body, but you don't. You're always fighting against something. You're building something deeper. Now, something that doesn't need treking apps, something that doesn't need points. Shiny meal plans. Gold Stars, awards, certificates, all that sort of stuff. Reconnecting with your body. That's what you're doing now, learning to trust it, letting food be food again, and that's a way better experience than a dopamine hit from your fourth attempt at starting fresh on Monday. Right? God tell me you don't miss starting fresh on Monday. It's exhausting. So. If you are missing the buzz of the new plan, the new rules starting again, and if it's feeding tempting for you, I want you to remember that alongside that also comes the lows and that the benefits of not having the highs or those lows is are so massive for you. Email me, drop me a dm. Tag me in your stories if you feel like sharing. I always love hearing from you and it's interesting. I'd like to know if this has landed for you. I wanna know what you think about this. Does it resonate? Have you never thought about it? Maybe you haven't. Maybe you're just pleased to be shot of it and that's that maybe you've never thought about the stuff on the diet plans that you've missed. And, um, if that is you, then that is. Amazing. I'm trapped to bits for you. I'm really happy for you. So let me know. Drop me, drop me a message or an email or a comment. You know how it works, right? Links are in the show notes. Don't forget, join the email list. The link is in the show notes. Don't lose touch with me because suddenly social media has been taken away. You know? Uh, also confident conversations with your doctor. Don't forget that is now live ready for you. When you are, go check the show notes. Sign up, get it, get it, get it. And yeah, if you're in the calm right now, let yourself enjoy it. You've definitely earned it. I'm celebrating you. Whatever stage you're at. I'll speak to you soon. Bye.